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Thread: Inmate Relationship

  1. #61
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    Denmark
    Posts
    107

    Default Re: Inmate Relationship

    You're old enough to make up your own mind one way or the other, Leila. Whether it's a connection, real love, or an intense crush - feelings are feelings, and so is a broken heart. Just please be careful and do what you can to protect yourself.

    Edited to add: Good luck (meant in a sincere way, not snarky or anything, I mean it).

  2. #62

    Default Re: Inmate Relationship

    Going from 10 messages a day to writing snail mail, give it a few years and THEN you'll know.
    Married 11 years, still waiting.




    To ask well, to answer rightly,
    Are the marks of a wise man:
    Men must speak of men's deeds,
    What happens may not be hidden.
    ~ The Havamal

  3. #63
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Location
    Germany, Bonn
    Posts
    40

    Default Re: Inmate Relationship

    What a pressure...
    I'd say just let it grow and see how it goes. For me, pressure on relationships (of any kind, be it friendship or romance) never worked out well.
    Fantasies, hopes, expectations... fine. But let them not stand in the way of getting to know someone. Too often they serve as roadblocks...
    Stay open but stay calm as well.
    Kirsten

  4. #64
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Earth (I think...)
    Posts
    80

    Default Re: Inmate Relationship

    I recently had one flame out on me...

    We have been in contact for about 2.5 years now, and they were the one who made the first "declaration". It was exciting, heart warming, all that. Calls, letter, multiple Jpay messages every day. I was really into the idea of pursuing a long term relationship with this person... but about 6 months ago they started pulling away, not writing as often, stopped calling completely, started asking way too much. Every single message and letter had a request for something more and more. Warning bells were going off, and I had to start saying no. Now its like they are a completely different person who barely makes any effort to communicate.

    They didn't even bother to say Merry Christmas or Happy New Year, two weeks since their last jpay message. So I feel like it was all a long con they had going. And I probably wasn't the only one they wrote to.

  5. #65
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    Denmark
    Posts
    107

    Default Re: Inmate Relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Monkey Joe View Post
    I recently had one flame out on me...

    We have been in contact for about 2.5 years now, and they were the one who made the first "declaration". It was exciting, heart warming, all that. Calls, letter, multiple Jpay messages every day. I was really into the idea of pursuing a long term relationship with this person... but about 6 months ago they started pulling away, not writing as often, stopped calling completely, started asking way too much. Every single message and letter had a request for something more and more. Warning bells were going off, and I had to start saying no. Now its like they are a completely different person who barely makes any effort to communicate.

    They didn't even bother to say Merry Christmas or Happy New Year, two weeks since their last jpay message. So I feel like it was all a long con they had going. And I probably wasn't the only one they wrote to.
    I'm so sorry to hear this. I'd offer you a hug if I could, broken hearts suck

  6. #66
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Inmate Relationship

    Oh man same thing happened to me. I was really involved with an inmate in Florida we were writing so many letters we were getting about 2 a week then after awhile she started the same thing. Every letter had a sob story about how she needed money for this and that. I sent so many photos of myself and our letters got really intimate. Now, I hardly get a letter at all and if I do it's really short. Her behavior became like this after I stopped sending money all together. I was disappointed I really thought I met someone special. Now I have been writing an inmate in Oregon and she is different (at the moment anyways). She sent me a Christmas Card, a handmade Halloween Card and she's written but not often because I think she is LOP and short on money. But she never asks for anything except for some yummy foods she would like to have for the Holiday so I did send her $20.00. I'm still up in the air about her though she says she wants to create good memories with me when she gets out but who knows what that means. At this point I never take what they say too seriously any more. They can say anything in prison and when they start asking for money, letters get fewer and fewer or they don't write the same as when they first started I walk away. Unfortunately your heart is probably going to be broken more than filled with feelings of romance and joy when writing inmates. Some of them don't know any better. I'm sure though when they get out or they get extra lonely in prison for using you they will think about it and wish they didn't do that to you. Taking advantage of someones kindness always comes back to a person to bite them in the arse. 2.5. years is a long time that's a shame. I feel bad for ya.

  7. #67
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    Germany
    Posts
    41

    Default Re: Inmate Relationship

    Dear RAC,
    Dear all:
    I personally made the experience that prisoners who look for penpals have the money to write.
    Especially in Oregon they have easy access to tablets in OSP there is even a shop they can buy items like jewelry and others to send out to people.
    If you send 20 already for 2 cards and a few letters I personally think it?s to much.
    It?s me that can?t afford the 25 c for a msg my pen pal writes a lot of msg
    He asked me to put money in for him bc not to scam me but for him it?s logical that it is easy for me. He kept forgetting I must pay postage and msg, too.
    In a Long period of Time i send him 15 altogether and told him more than once that in the long run this giving money will ruin our friendship. If he hasn?t enough for phone or msg we write letters. He writes sends me cards and a bracelet from that shop and as soon as I have a new credit card with a bonus I ll send him 10 to call. He knows by now not to ask ever again bc when he did ask for 5 again and again I told him I?m note in the position to send and not to waste resources on me anymore.
    I don?t force him to write to me to msg me or whatever.
    In a Year i think 30 Dollars to send Is ok bc in Oregon they have that expensive msg system and so we use it but also write !
    I wasn?t able a lot of times not to msg bc I couldn?t afford it and when I had extra money I sent him 5 so it?s not mandatory it?s not part of our friendship. But in the beginning he thought I would pay for it all bc I?m in the free world.
    But he found out it?s not that easy and I know he?s not scammer but if u don?t make it clear from the start that it costs u too it?s not going to work.
    Regards

  8. #68
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Inmate Relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Aliciia View Post
    Dear RAC,
    Dear all:
    I personally made the experience that prisoners who look for penpals have the money to write.
    Especially in Oregon they have easy access to tablets in OSP there is even a shop they can buy items like jewelry and others to send out to people.
    If you send 20 already for 2 cards and a few letters I personally think it?s to much.
    It?s me that can?t afford the 25 c for a msg my pen pal writes a lot of msg
    He asked me to put money in for him bc not to scam me but for him it?s logical that it is easy for me. He kept forgetting I must pay postage and msg, too.
    In a Long period of Time i send him 15 altogether and told him more than once that in the long run this giving money will ruin our friendship. If he hasn?t enough for phone or msg we write letters. He writes sends me cards and a bracelet from that shop and as soon as I have a new credit card with a bonus I ll send him 10 to call. He knows by now not to ask ever again bc when he did ask for 5 again and again I told him I?m note in the position to send and not to waste resources on me anymore.
    I don?t force him to write to me to msg me or whatever.
    In a Year i think 30 Dollars to send Is ok bc in Oregon they have that expensive msg system and so we use it but also write !
    I wasn?t able a lot of times not to msg bc I couldn?t afford it and when I had extra money I sent him 5 so it?s not mandatory it?s not part of our friendship. But in the beginning he thought I would pay for it all bc I?m in the free world.
    But he found out it?s not that easy and I know he?s not scammer but if u don?t make it clear from the start that it costs u too it?s not going to work.
    Regards
    I'm thinking of doing the same thing to my current pen pal as I did with the other and just completely stop sending money since she is getting out early next year anyways. I really have no choice. Once the $$ stops flowing in every month it's the only way to know for sure. They have jobs in prison and writing one letter should not be an issue. But I do get really tired of inmates stopping their correspondence when I don't send money. It makes me feel like what I have to offer (my time and effort) isn't worth anything.

  9. #69
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    Germany
    Posts
    41

    Default Re: Inmate Relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by RAC51 View Post
    I'm thinking of doing the same thing to my current pen pal as I did with the other and just completely stop sending money since she is getting out early next year anyways. I really have no choice. Once the $$ stops flowing in every month it's the only way to know for sure. They have jobs in prison and writing one letter should not be an issue. But I do get really tired of inmates stopping their correspondence when I don't send money. It makes me feel like what I have to offer (my time and effort) isn't worth anything.
    Just imagine how many would want yummy food...
    My pen pal I?m sure wanted sth special for Christmas but he send me a bracelet out of the shop for 65 Dollars plus shipping as Christmas present
    He thanked me for letting him make ne special by that he thanked me he could make me happy that was more to him than some yummy food out of the
    Commissary.
    There r people in there really appreciate what u do just don?t donut to early.
    Keep a distance for a while to see what they?re up to and don?t expect the bad or the good.
    Regards

  10. #70
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    usa
    Posts
    10,884
    Blog Entries
    2
    gooddog's: Inspired

    Default Re: Inmate Relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by RAC51 View Post
    I'm thinking of doing the same thing to my current pen pal as I did with the other and just completely stop sending money since she is getting out early next year anyways. I really have no choice. Once the $$ stops flowing in every month it's the only way to know for sure. They have jobs in prison and writing one letter should not be an issue. But I do get really tired of inmates stopping their correspondence when I don't send money. It makes me feel like what I have to offer (my time and effort) isn't worth anything.
    Sounds like you are writing to the wrong people.

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