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Thread: First time dealing with my bf being in the hole :'(

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    United Kingdom/London
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    43

    Default Re: First time dealing with my bf being in the hole :'(

    Quote Originally Posted by DanPal View Post
    My BF of 4 years has not been in the hole, but I know for sure, that I would not feel a need to step up the correspondence in any way, if that situation were to occur.
    1. That would just feel wrong to me. He's an adult and must take responsibility for his actions. I already devote as much of my life, as I can, to him, and he knows that.
    2. He would WANT to take responsibilty and would feel embarrassed and very undeserving, if I did send extras of any kind.

    That's another point (no 2 above): Give the man a chance to take his punishment without pampering.
    I know being in the hole must be horrible, but an inmate also knows the rules of how to act, so not to end up there.
    That is very true. This has not been the first time he has been in the hole, before me and him started writing he had been previously in the hole twice on one occasion 2 years on another 5 years, but he protests he's been on good behaviour for a year, so my argument is now he has a reason to behave i.e. Me! Our relationship why would he jeopardise it by falling back into old habits! I would have thought I gave him better focus not to get in that damn hole again. So upset with him.

  2. #22

    Default Re: First time dealing with my bf being in the hole :'(

    One thing I think you need to understand - people who break the rules such as inmates do not stop to consider how their behaviour will affect those around them. Most have wives, siblings, girlfriends, parents, kids, people who care about them yet they still find themselves in prison. It's not enough to stop them misbehaving, so it's something you are going to have to accept and not start to question whether you are 'enough' for him.

    You also mention that you're not sure about your relationship. Unless you were arguing before he got locked up, why would his being in the hole mean you were no longer together?

    It is possible to stay out of trouble in prison, plenty do manage it. But it would appear to help if the inmate is older.





    To ask well, to answer rightly,
    Are the marks of a wise man:
    Men must speak of men's deeds,
    What happens may not be hidden.
    ~ The Havamal

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    United Kingdom/London
    Posts
    43

    Default Re: First time dealing with my bf being in the hole :'(

    Quote Originally Posted by FreakLikeMe View Post
    Yes. I don't know how long you have been together. But that is part an parcel of a long distance prison relationship. Just stay calm, don't let your mind wonder in crazy thoughts. At least you know he is safe in the hole. There will probably be many times like this. Just get on and do what you got to do. It's all you can do.
    Can't inbox you anymore, says you exceeded your quota on inbox messages or something like that, apparently you need to delete some lol

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