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Thread: Inmate in love?

  1. #31
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    Default Re: Inmate in love?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sporadium View Post
    [...]I haven't been active in a while either, things seemed to have died a death somewhat.
    Not quite dead, still breathing and smiling!

  2. #32
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    Default Re: Inmate in love?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sporadium View Post
    Sorry SJC, I am not targeting you, it is just that I wish to respond to two comments and they both happen to be yours.

    Is "emotional affair" a thing? Surely everyone who is in a marriage or serious relationship has an emotional relationship with someone other than their partner - a friend or best friend of the opposite sex, someone you work closely with at work and so on.
    Hi Sporadium,

    No problem.

    Yes, an emotional affair is an actual thing. It is "a bond between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship while never being consummated". The feelings and emotions that should be reserved for one's partner, but are given to someone else.

  3. #33
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    Default Re: Inmate in love?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sporadium View Post
    For good or bad?

    I haven't been active in a while either, things seemed to have died a death somewhat.

    It's been super slow lately. Sad, really.

  4. #34
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    Default Re: Inmate in love?

    Quote Originally Posted by sjc View Post
    It's been super slow lately. Sad, really.
    There are probably considerably fewer people active now compared to one or two years ago, and a different range of interests and desires. However: a forum such as this is made up of members who post, discuss, bring out their own experiences and generally hold conversations and there is no reason why that shouldn't happen again.

  5. #35
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    Sporadium's: Snobbish

    Default Re: Inmate in love?

    Quote Originally Posted by sjc View Post
    Hi Sporadium,

    No problem.

    Yes, an emotional affair is an actual thing. It is "a bond between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship while never being consummated". The feelings and emotions that should be reserved for one's partner, but are given to someone else.
    I still can't see the difference I am afraid. There are only a few people that I am completely open with, who know me deeply and with whom I would discuss anything. From the description you gave, I would seem to be in numerous emotional affairs. Most, but not all, are men - extremely close friends I grew up with. Would they be different because they are not women?
    I guess maybe it comes down to a person's view of a relationship and the level of need, exclusivity and possessiveness one may have.

  6. #36
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    Default Re: Inmate in love?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sporadium View Post
    I still can't see the difference I am afraid. There are only a few people that I am completely open with, who know me deeply and with whom I would discuss anything. From the description you gave, I would seem to be in numerous emotional affairs. Most, but not all, are men - extremely close friends I grew up with. Would they be different because they are not women?
    I guess maybe it comes down to a person's view of a relationship and the level of need, exclusivity and possessiveness one may have.
    I am really surprised you don't see the difference. Having intimacy with close friends is different than having intimacy with your spouse or partner. The intimacy I have with a male friend is different than I would have with my partner. Not so much the sharing of thoughts and feelings, but the depth of those thoughts and feelings. There is a level of intimacy that one usually shares with their partner and not others. Does this make (more) sense???

  7. #37
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    Default Re: Inmate in love?

    Quote Originally Posted by sjc View Post
    I am really surprised you don't see the difference. Having intimacy with close friends is different than having intimacy with your spouse or partner. The intimacy I have with a male friend is different than I would have with my partner. Not so much the sharing of thoughts and feelings, but the depth of those thoughts and feelings. There is a level of intimacy that one usually shares with their partner and not others. Does this make (more) sense???
    Sorry, it doesn't. I can see what you are driving at, but I just feel it is a more idealized romantic view of a relationship than what really exists. I know what the likely response of me making that statement will be, but if you talk only of emotional intimacy then I don't agree. I think your partner is your partner because of emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy and the declaration you have made about being partners. To hold back from having deep emotional connections with others because of some Protestant belief in the power of two or some miss conceived idea that it constitutes infidelity is, in my view, unnatural and unhealthy. Deep emotional connections are possible with people other than your partner without it being "weird" and to say that the emotional connection you have with your partner should always be a little bit more than the emotional connection you have with your oldest friends, confidants, or other family is to try to make a distinction where none is possible.
    I guess to anyone else, this conversation might sound like the typical positions of a man and a woman

  8. #38
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    Default Re: Inmate in love?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sporadium View Post
    I think your partner is your partner because of emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy and the declaration you have made about being partners. To hold back from having deep emotional connections with others because of some Protestant belief in the power of two or some miss conceived idea that it constitutes infidelity is, in my view, unnatural and unhealthy. Deep emotional connections are possible with people other than your partner without it being "weird" and to say that the emotional connection you have with your partner should always be a little bit more than the emotional connection you have with your oldest friends, confidants, or other family is to try to make a distinction where none is possible.
    I guess to anyone else, this conversation might sound like the typical positions of a man and a woman
    I agree with most of what you say.
    Two people in a couple are tied by emotional and sexual intimacy, plus the declared common will of being together. But it is definitely possible to share deep emotional intimacy with other people, without it being called cheating, or weird. Some minds (or souls, if you prefer) just connect and one person can have multiple platonic "soul mates" in my opinion. Build a deep emotional connection with them is important because it can make the person learn more, feel more, and grow.
    However, I do believe that the emotional intimacy I have with my husband is a little deeper than what I have with friends, or family, or my PP, due to the fact that there are some things and thoughts that I share with him exclusively.

  9. #39
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    Default Re: Inmate in love?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sporadium View Post
    Sorry, it doesn't. I can see what you are driving at, but I just feel it is a more idealized romantic view of a relationship than what really exists. I know what the likely response of me making that statement will be, but if you talk only of emotional intimacy then I don't agree. I think your partner is your partner because of emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy and the declaration you have made about being partners. To hold back from having deep emotional connections with others because of some Protestant belief in the power of two or some miss conceived idea that it constitutes infidelity is, in my view, unnatural and unhealthy. Deep emotional connections are possible with people other than your partner without it being "weird" and to say that the emotional connection you have with your partner should always be a little bit more than the emotional connection you have with your oldest friends, confidants, or other family is to try to make a distinction where none is possible.
    I guess to anyone else, this conversation might sound like the typical positions of a man and a woman
    Your last line above may be precisely the issue as to why you don't understand! Excellent point!

    Here, let me try it this way. Imagine you have a partner or a spouse. You meet someone and you develop feelings for them. Feelings that are usually reserved for your partner. You daydream about them, you look forward to seeing them, you flirt with them, you do all the things you do with your partner, sans physical intimacy. You develop a bond that you have with your partner and now you feel pulled in both directions. Does that better explain it? Surely I cannot be the only one here who understands an emotional affair?

  10. #40
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    Default Re: Inmate in love?

    Quote Originally Posted by sjc View Post
    Your last line above may be precisely the issue as to why you don't understand! Excellent point!

    Here, let me try it this way. Imagine you have a partner or a spouse. You meet someone and you develop feelings for them. Feelings that are usually reserved for your partner. You daydream about them, you look forward to seeing them, you flirt with them, you do all the things you do with your partner, sans physical intimacy. You develop a bond that you have with your partner and now you feel pulled in both directions. Does that better explain it? Surely I cannot be the only one here who understands an emotional affair?
    I think everyone understands what an emotional affair is and what problems it can cause. Only a very small percentage of people may feel there is no problem with it and it seems they are all on this forum.

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