MUST BE 18 OR OLDER - MUST READ TERMS OF SERVICE You Are On: Forum
 
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 23

Thread: On the fence

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    990
    PixieWings's: Amused

    Default Re: On the fence

    Quote Originally Posted by Metaxu View Post
    Pixie, why do you say you will never get on his visiting list? Even if he with the feds, you can try for a special visit. I say push for it because you two really do need to meet face to face. I think it's an important missing piece here.
    I agree it's an important missing piece, and i've wrote him about me requesting a special visit, and have not gotten an answer to that letter yet...because i don't just want to show up without him knowing, because he is one that likes to do things when he is getting a visit..get his hair braided he has long hair (native) and get his clothes pressed, and he will wear his necklace the beaded on for his tribe. And i promised when we first started doing this whole try to get me on his visit list, that i would not just show up without telling him.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Suspended between possibilities, USA
    Posts
    822

    Default Re: On the fence

    Quote Originally Posted by PixieWings View Post
    We talked about him transfer back to the west 2 years ago when he first got moved to PA, he was telling me he has to wait for his numbers to go down so he could go back out west, so i knew he would be doing it, i just did not have an ideal of when. The whole vibe of his letters has changed, since i asked him how he felt about us having a trail period before we full moved in together, that is when he started saying HIS plans, and stopped saying our plans, or how do you feel about this? It's more he is going back to washington, because his people have everything set for him there..about a month ago he asked if i would be willing to move to the rez, and i don't have a problem with moving, but i think we need US time first before i move my whole house to the other side of the country. i can live anywhere. But his last 3 letters (we have a lot of mail going back and forth) were all about HE is doing this, and HE is going to restart his life there, but he did not even ask, if i still wanted to move to be with him...Or said anything about us in this new life he is writing about. And that is not like him normally, we have been writing 8 or so years, and he has never wrote in this way..That HE is doing this..it has always been this is what he would like to do and asks how i feel about it, or can we talk about it to have a happy middle of whatever the topic is.
    I actually don't mean to judge him by what my girls "inmate" did, but it just does make me wonder if i'm setting myself up for the same thing..just like when i read other post about different woman getting played by there "man" i wonder if maybe i'm getting played as well.. I think i might want to drop back to just friends with him, until everything is sorted out, but with making that choice, i don't even know how to tell him that, without it seeming like i don't still care for him.
    I need to learn to take care of me..Taking care of my kids i'm actually good at..i've been blessed with wonderful children that do well in school, and don't break the law. I have a lot to think about with J, and try to figure out if this is what is going to happen..i'm just in the i don't know what is the next step is, and i don't even know if we will make it..right now his focus is getting back west...yeah i'm in Ohio...the first thing that popped in my mind was...why is he wants to be as far away from me...but that was me being selfish..since as of yet i can't even see him because they keep dening me on this visit list...no real point in staying close in miles to me when i can't even see him.
    Pixie, honestly my advice would be to match his tone in your letters to him. You don't need to make any dramatic decisions right now. Just follow his lead and see how he responds. This will tell you a lot without getting into a messy and convoluted discussion about where each of you stands. No doubt you both have your ambivalent feelings.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    951

    Default Re: On the fence

    Quote Originally Posted by Metaxu View Post
    Pixie, honestly my advice would be to match his tone in your letters to him. You don't need to make any dramatic decisions right now. Just follow his lead and see how he responds. This will tell you a lot without getting into a messy and convoluted discussion about where each of you stands. No doubt you both have your ambivalent feelings.
    I agree. No need to discuss it....it will happen naturally. If he feels like you're slipping away and he doesn't want that to happen then he'll do something about it....if he doesn't, then so be it.....it's no loss if you 'lose' someone who isn't right for you. Whatever happens you'll be just fine Pixie, with or without him. Learn to relax and go with the flow sometimes :-)




    We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. Mother Teresa.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    990
    PixieWings's: Amused

    Default Re: On the fence

    Quote Originally Posted by Metaxu View Post
    Pixie, honestly my advice would be to match his tone in your letters to him. You don't need to make any dramatic decisions right now. Just follow his lead and see how he responds. This will tell you a lot without getting into a messy and convoluted discussion about where each of you stands. No doubt you both have your ambivalent feelings.
    I'm going to see if just being as cold as he has been being to me, give him a clue unlike others i'm not afraid to walk away from what is not a good thing for me. It's all a wait and see what happens kind of thing, because we still have a lot of time left to do, by the time he gets out, my children will be grown so at least they will not be babies anymore. I'm just stressing i guess...because we have done so much time already and then he goes getting kind of cold after all this time, just because i asked his opinion on some of the advice the ladies here have given me.
    I've kind of stopped writing him as much already, because i was writing him a letter ever other day, but when i got his last 3, to be honest they read really cold to me, so i was like really..you don't really answer any of my question just inform of what you are doing...so i i've only been writing when he writes. So we will see if he will make the effort to write more, or if he will just let me return to the shadow from which i came.

  5. #15
    Saskatchewanian Guest

    Default Re: On the fence

    He's probably just miffed that you said you wanted time together with him before you decided for sure.
    I think he'll get over it. He probably thinks he's being as cold to you as he perceived you saying "we should hang out for 2 weeks first to make sure it fits".
    Men are stupid...they get something in their head the wrong way and then act like babies.
    I would just call him out on it...and address the issue (or at least...it seems like that's when he started being cold was after you said that).
    A rumble might get things back to normal...or it might flush out some major issues that you two should be discussing.
    Either way...babies needs to be called on their bullsh1t

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    951

    Default Re: On the fence

    I don't think I'd do something deliberate that could be perceived as game playing, but just naturally back off a bit as a form of self preservation. You shouldn't have to play games to get a man to prove that he wants you. Maybe he's appearing cold due to having other things on his mind (the transfer). In a good relationship one should be able to express one's feelings and concerns....if you can't do that then the relationship doesn't sound solid. Sometimes it's difficult for an inmate to think so far ahead as they are putting all their efforts into getting through a day at a time....and if they're coping with something outside of their typical day it can become all-consuming.




    We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. Mother Teresa.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    990
    PixieWings's: Amused

    Default Re: On the fence

    i've dropped back in writing..and if i get another cold letter from him, i was kind of going to tell him i don't like the frost treatment since i've never been like that...but if he wants to be frosty...just wait because he has no ideal how cold a female can be...that and i'll talk to him mom about him being cold. He dont seem to like me saying i wanted US time because i move across the country, cause if he came here i already had the money put back for a ticket from him to go to washington if it was not a good match. He might just be acting like a baby, cause of the second guessing things. Baby just might need a time out.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    990
    PixieWings's: Amused

    Default Re: On the fence

    Quote Originally Posted by BirdyB View Post
    I don't think I'd do something deliberate that could be perceived as game playing, but just naturally back off a bit as a form of self preservation. You shouldn't have to play games to get a man to prove that he wants you. Maybe he's appearing cold due to having other things on his mind (the transfer). In a good relationship one should be able to express one's feelings and concerns....if you can't do that then the relationship doesn't sound solid. Sometimes it's difficult for an inmate to think so far ahead as they are putting all their efforts into getting through a day at a time....and if they're coping with something outside of their typical day it can become all-consuming.
    I actually see your point, and i agree with both of you. Normally i'm a give what i get kind of person, you are cold then i'm cold back...but i have not been cold back to J over what i feel as him being cold to me, i just explained my point about him not saying anything about if he still wanted me to move with him or not, and i'm just waiting on the reply..

  9. #19
    Saskatchewanian Guest

    Default Re: On the fence

    I don't think that asking for time together before you decide to uproot your entire life is out of line.
    When I told Dreamboat about that plan he thought it was a good one. It gives us time to get the physical (not just sexual but actually being around each other) connection that we don't have now and gives me time to get acquainted with Oregon and see what my life will be like.

    I think if you express it again as a comfort thing and maybe not as a "I need to decide if we're going to be together or not". I know I want to be with the Boat and presumably you know you want to be with J. It's not about whether or not you love him and want a life together as much as it is about having time before you make a major life decision and give up the entire life you've established for a completely different one. (Or at least for me, that's what it is)

  10. #20

    Default Re: On the fence

    Perhaps seeing as you have an open relationship with him he didn't feel the need to include you in his decisions. Lots of guys in prison say they want an open relationship and they don't want you waiting or putting your life on hold. What they really want is for you to say you wouldn't even think about doing that. A lot of times it's a test. Maybe that's why he's pulling away and doing his own thing.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 10-30-2008, 10:02 PM
  2. NAIL IN THE FENCE
    By smiley in forum Pass-ons & Poems
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 10-20-2008, 08:08 PM
  3. NAIL IN THE FENCE
    By wolfdreamer in forum General Prison Talk
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 05-16-2005, 06:45 PM
  4. Both Sides of the Fence
    By Pathfinder in forum General Prison Talk
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 06-06-2004, 06:44 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
spacer
Visit our sponsors
Email  Report Problem 
BBB Chamber of Commerce
2000-2013 WriteAPrisoner.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Must be 18 to be viewing this website and have read our Terms of Service.