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Thread: coming home? not soon but still

  1. #1
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    PixieWings's: Amused

    Question coming home? not soon but still

    It's no secret i'm so far from your normal everyday person. i've come to accept this, and my Native has to, i have between 6-9 years before he comes home, 6 if they give him parole, and 9 if he just times out depending on good time, it's all so confusing sometimes. i really want to make this transion as easy as i can for him since he has been looked up since he was a teenager, so he has no work history no anything really, but he did get his GED while being locked up and is trying to get a degree. i just don't even know where to start to get things ready for him to move in, i've lived single for gosh years, so i do understand i'm going to have to give up some closet space and stuff...but i just don't even know where to start or when to start. i wanted to create a cook book of the foods he likes and little things like that...but i don't want to sound all stupid trying to explain it all to him. Any advice would be welcomed.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: coming home? not soon but still

    Wow that's intense. I have no idea, you should probably try to get him self employed.

  3. #3
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    PixieWings's: Amused

    Default Re: coming home? not soon but still

    I'm not to worried about him getting a job because i know some people that do landscape and stuff. I'm more worried about what to do to when he finally does come home...how can i make him feel at home since the age of 16 a cell has been his home...i know i'm worrying about this way to early, but i don't like trying to do everything last minute, and he already don't like the ideal of him getting the husband closet in my room...so yeah i'm going to have to make room for him in my walk in closet..it's little silly things like that, that i would not think about, but might matter to him.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: coming home? not soon but still

    I'd make sure to have some money saved, so you two don't have to stress about that along with everything else

  5. #5
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    Default Re: coming home? not soon but still

    Dang, what is he in for? My guy has been in since 17. But I guess a cookbook would be pretty cool and different. I think also like maybe having one of the rooms or the den like his little man cave. Have his favorite sport team's decorations and stuff. Paint it real nice. Get a pool table or foosball table and a nice TV. Install a bar with stools. You know just something simple.

  6. #6
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    PixieWings's: Amused

    Default Re: coming home? not soon but still

    it's on my list, once i pay the rent this month, i'm going to start banking the money from my second job, and just take care of things with my 1st job.

  7. #7
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    PixieWings's: Amused

    Default Re: coming home? not soon but still

    Quote Originally Posted by SarahMiller View Post
    Dang, what is he in for? My guy has been in since 17. But I guess a cookbook would be pretty cool and different. I think also like maybe having one of the rooms or the den like his little man cave. Have his favorite sport team's decorations and stuff. Paint it real nice. Get a pool table or foosball table and a nice TV. Install a bar with stools. You know just something simple.
    Murder with Firearm During a Crime, Assault with Intent to Commit Murder. but it was on Rez land so it was a federal case instead of a state case, so i think that is the reason he only got 25 years.

    By the time he is home, all of my children (he calls them ours cause he does not want children of his own because he will by to old in his mind when he gets out) will be adults, and in theory not living with me..if i'm still living in this townhome, i could turn my oldest children room in the basement into a man cave for him. the reason i thought of a cookbook, i'm vegan...and to be honest i don't really know how to cook meat ( my oldest daughters does most of the non vegan cooking in our home) so i am going to learn to cook his favorite meats, cause he is not vegan and i don't want him to think he has to change how he wants to eat just because of me, and i don't have a problem cooking meat and things for him to eat.

  8. #8
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    Earthmother's: Lurking

    Default Re: coming home? not soon but still

    Normal is over rated and subjective anyway

    With 6 - 9 years before he is released, you do have time to get yourself ready before he is released...well, more prepared...because no matter how much groundwork you do, it's still going to be a big adjustment for both of you. You could check out Amazon for some books about ex-felons, as they do have some listed about job opportunities and also about settling back into society. There may be some state resources listed on the internet that are available for released inmates. I would say communicate with each other as much as possible about what sort of life you want/expect/hope to have together...and try to prepare him as gently as possible for the possible negativity he may face from society. Sadly, there are not necessarily many who are willing to overlook a criminal history and I think some released inmates are not prepared for that. They rightly feel they have paid their debt to society, and that people should judge them on their present and future actions, rather than those of the past.

    I think the cookbook idea is cute. Some apparently casual conversations about favourite foods could lead to a secretly put together cookbook to surprise him with?

  9. #9
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    PixieWings's: Amused

    Default Re: coming home? not soon but still

    Quote Originally Posted by Earthmother View Post
    Normal is over rated and subjective anyway

    With 6 - 9 years before he is released, you do have time to get yourself ready before he is released...well, more prepared...because no matter how much groundwork you do, it's still going to be a big adjustment for both of you. You could check out Amazon for some books about ex-felons, as they do have some listed about job opportunities and also about settling back into society. There may be some state resources listed on the internet that are available for released inmates. I would say communicate with each other as much as possible about what sort of life you want/expect/hope to have together...and try to prepare him as gently as possible for the possible negativity he may face from society. Sadly, there are not necessarily many who are willing to overlook a criminal history and I think some released inmates are not prepared for that. They rightly feel they have paid their debt to society, and that people should judge them on their present and future actions, rather than those of the past.

    I think the cookbook idea is cute. Some apparently casual conversations about favourite foods could lead to a secretly put together cookbook to surprise him with?
    i've been asking him about his favorite foods and things, but not getting much of a reply to it, cause he knows i don't eat meat so he is like whatever you cook i'm happy with, sometimes when i read that i just want to smack him but not in a mean way but like really just answer my question and stop all this around the bush talk lol. we talk often in letter about how he would like things when he comes home, all he ever really says it he just wants to be home with me to cuddle on the sofa and watch movies since i've had to do everything on my own so long, he has no problem if i turn him unto a house husband until he can find work, and try to turn me into a housewife, even tho we both know that is not going to happy i'm so not a housewife LOL. mostly what we worry about to be honest is after all this time waiting, will everything be ok and we can start this lifetime we both want. we have been writing for a very long time (years) only became officially MWI this year, cause he is all about not waiting me to put my life on hold because of him...but i put my life on hold because even tho we have an open understanding about sex and all of that...i'm not going to sleep with anyone else, i may enterian the ideal from time to time, but to me it's cheating and i just can't go there.
    thank you about the advice on looking for state reasourse to help him adjust better.

  10. #10
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    februarymoon's: In Love

    Default Re: coming home? not soon but still

    I'd start by meeting him face to face first. Call me old-fashioned but I like to see and get to know the person I'm moving into my home before they arrive with their bags.

    What about your children? Are you not concerned about how this huge transition will affect them? He's a grown man and can sort himself out, he knows what he needs to do. Your children are relying on you to make the right decisions for them.

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