Sick family members create future worries in my mind. What if he’s really bad this time…what if it all goes down…what if she’s not strong enough to pull through then…?
My worry over the uncontrollable, and here insert sick family members, (it could be an imprisoned friend, a job, friend, relationship) - what will happen to me if this all goes wrong? I detect a theme here...me, me, me.
Worry creates anxiety, impatience. I can and have felt completely ruled by anxiety, impatience.
I sit at the beach and practice the meditation on forgiveness. (Again.) Again and again. I imagine hugging my relatives (this has to start close to home before it can branch out anywhere.) On down the line I go, real hug, real hug, real hug, then- OOPS- clunker! THAT person feels really hard to hug…oooo; and him too… It feels fake, a perfunctory hug. After the things you’ve done, it doesn’t feel real to want to hug you. All those years of wanting to protect myself from the pain you’ve dished.