I need an advice, if you are in love with your pp, and he had six years left (perhaps more) how you handle your normal outside life. Are you able to put it away from your head, have only the look at the future? Countdown, day by day and live normal, means going out with friends and the whole regular stuff, or are you depressed and lonely sometimes - I ask myself it is possible to be both a standard living people and a loved one with a person in prison?

I would imagine it would be impossible not to be depressed and lonely sometimes. Heck, sometimes you're depressed and lonely without the other one in prison.

Maybe you could discuss these things with him, assure him you're still there but you're just living life, too. I'm daring to say that if he loves you he will understand that. I think by all means you should go out with friends and do regular stuff. You're not the one in prison.

Hi,

yes absolutely it gets lonely at times but you just get on with things. Sometime all you want to do is pick up the phone and call them and you cant. You learn to deal with it. It really isnt as hard as you may think but talk to him that will help.

It's natural to be lonely but you shouldn't stop living and enjoying your life because he's in prison. Getting out with friends will help you get through this time easier.

Originally Posted by katharinalee

I need an advice, if you are in love with your pp, and he had six years left (perhaps more) how you handle your normal outside life. Are you able to put it away from your head, have only the look at the future? Countdown, day by day and live normal, means going out with friends and the whole regular stuff, or are you depressed and lonely sometimes - I ask myself it is possible to be both a standard living people and a loved one with a person in prison?

It definitely IS possible to live this life- many women have done it before! It's not an easy life to lead though, the loneliness is VERY real, and when things happen and he's not around physically, you can get very down about it. You have to live your daily life normally, you cannot let his incarceration stop you from living your life to the fullest. Do what you like, go out and have fun, I think it's what will keep you sane throughout this whole thing. It will always get to your head though, because you love him, and you'll be counting down days till he's free, but you gotta do your best to not let yourself be incarcerated along with him, you know what I mean?

I wish you all the best Katharina!

You are all right, and I see it the same, but I ask myself if I go out or have some holydays, would you write him what you do. I think about that it is not a good feeling for him to know?
It is right, I'm not in prison - but in my head I'm surley a little in prison too.

I'm very sure he'll want you to go out and have fun, and not stay at home and mope about. He would want you to be happy, you know. I agree 100% with what you said about you not being in prison but that a part of your mind is (not to mention your heart!). When I recently went on a holiday, I mailed a postcard of the place to him from there! just to let him know that I'm always thinking of him, no matter where I go.

I am sure he would enjoy having you share with him about holidays and going out and doing things that he can no longer do. You still have a life to live even if you are 'doing time' with someone because you love them and they are in prison and you should not feel guilty about that.

Originally Posted by katharinalee

You are all right, and I see it the same, but I ask myself if I go out or have some holydays, would you write him what you do. I think about that it is not a good feeling for him to know?
It is right, I'm not in prison - but in my head I'm surley a little in prison too.

Yeah but you could say, "Tonight I went out to dinner with friends and the view was spectacular. I thought of you, and how great it will be when we get to go here together..."
See, you could include him in your life and keep on living. One thing I learned too late in life but I sure by god know it now: do not put your life on hold for others. If they can be included or come along with your life already in progress, great. I didn't mean that to sound harsh, just, don't do yourself a disservice by not living. You can still let him know you're in there with him and out here with you!

Originally Posted by katharinalee

I need an advice, if you are in love with your pp, and he had six years left (perhaps more) how you handle your normal outside life. Are you able to put it away from your head, have only the look at the future? Countdown, day by day and live normal, means going out with friends and the whole regular stuff, or are you depressed and lonely sometimes - I ask myself it is possible to be both a standard living people and a loved one with a person in prison?

If you are in love with him and he with you, then he's not your penpal anymore, he is your "significant other" (to borrow the phrase from another thread), so you need to stop thinking of him as your penpal and start thinking of him as someone who just stepped out to the shop for a minute.

You need to bring him fully into your life. If you haven't told your family and friends, you need to do that. Don't hide him away. Tell him all about everything you do and include him in the decision-making process for things that don't need an immediate answer. Build the future together, not individually, but live in the present. There are 1001 things that could happen to take that future away from you, so keep it in mind, but do your living today. live for both of you, not just yourself. Do more not less.