Hey everyone,
From the second I saw his profile on writeaprisoner.com, I was very drawn to him and compelled to write to him. He has eight more years left in his sentence. Receiving his first letter in the mail today was magical. I can feel the sparks even though I haven't met him yet. My gut instinct tells me that he is a good person despite the serious crime he committed. I believe that people can change if they really want to and take the necessary steps to create change from within.
I can't stop thinking about him, I truly feel a connection. Am I crazy? Could this ever work? This type of relationship is very taboo in the United States. But I feel like there is no turning back. At the very least, I would like to form a friendship bond with him. Inside, I am growing really hopeful that this could turn into a deeply fulfilling relationship.
Does anyone have any advice for me about whether I should open myself up to a possible romance? I am 30 years old and he is 35. I want children and if I become seriously involved with him, I would have to forfeit having my own kids and adopt children, which I am very open to doing.
I may be getting ahead of myself but I have the tendency to get overly excited when I become interested in a man. My parents became alarmed so I stopped talking about it with them so that they would hopefully forget about it. My best friend is very supportive of my growing interest and fascination with my new penpal. I just pray that I am not setting myself up for pain and disappointment.
I can relate to him because some unfortunate things happened in my past and I was incarcerated for 7 months due to no fault of my own and I was later found innocent. I believe the system punished me unjustly. I know how painful and difficult it is to be behind bars. I think that is part of what draws me to him, I can relate to his pain and suffering.

I don't think you're crazy to feel a connection but you have only received one letter from him. You could be building him up to somebody you want him to be. I think you need to step back and proceed with caution. It's too early to know whether this is the man for you. Also, there are some good men in prison who have made mistakes but some of them are con men and will use you. Even the ones who are basically good guys may still the repeat the same behavior and end up back in prison. At this point, you don't even know if he would be open to romance. Can you be content with just being a friend or pen pal to him? Also, he may find it alarming that after one letter you're planning a future with him and deliberating how you would have children with him still in prison.
My advice - slow down and don't rush things. Give yourself a chance to know the person instead of any preconceived ideas you have about him.

I agree although I can relate. I received my first letter today and If I met this man on the street...straight to bed we would go haha but I agree with kat, take it slow, I am also taking my own advice. He has 4 years left, plenty of time to get to know him but at the least, I am the type that loves to make new friends so I look forward to that possibility. Good luck and breathe haha!

I totally agree Kat! Sloooowww down. after all you have plenty of time to get to know him hes not going anywhere.. Best of luck.

.....it was just one letter, you seem to have a romantic/married/children future plotted out for both of you over one simple reply to one introductory letter to a penpal. i'm sorry to be so blunt but i just hope you don't hit him with your plans for his future in the second letter. i do think it's possible to fall for a penpal, even one you have never meet.try to calm down and think things through,take things wayyyyyy more slow.

Very good advice! I move too fast. I guess I am just hoping he will be my dream man. I have been through so many failed relationships and I just want to settle down. It seems I just can't meet the right man so I am trying something different. But you are absolutely right, he may not turn out to be what I am hoping. And there are risks involved, such as the possibility that he can't break away from criminal behavior. Additionally, I am afraid of being conned. I can be content with just being a penpal because I think that is the reasonable way to go. I will try to just let things develop naturally. Thank you for your sane and honest advice.

Originally Posted by VAGradStudent

Very good advice! I move too fast. I guess I am just hoping he will be my dream man. I have been through so many failed relationships and I just want to settle down. It seems I just can't meet the right man so I am trying something different. But you are absolutely right, he may not turn out to be what I am hoping. And there are risks involved, such as the possibility that he can't break away from criminal behavior. Additionally, I am afraid of being conned. I can be content with just being a penpal because I think that is the reasonable way to go. I will try to just let things develop naturally. Thank you for your sane and honest advice.

Keep what you just said here foremost in your mind even though there is nothing wrong with being human and having feelings.

Originally Posted by VAGradStudent

I guess I am just hoping he will be my dream man. I have been through so many failed relationships and I just want to settle down. It seems I just can't meet the right man so I am trying something different.

This worries me.

I have nothing against the "love at first sight" feelings - I'd be a hypocrit if I said I was, because I fell for my husband the moment I saw him/the first time we talked. But he wasn't an inmate then, he was in the free world and I had the chance to get to know him and his family before he committed his crime.

Forgive me for being blunt, but you have fallen for an idea of what you want this guy to be for you.

By all means write to him - he's written back so that's a good start - but right now you know nothing of his background, his behaviour before incarceration, whether he already has kids somewhere or a string of ex-girlfriends, whether he loves drama and thinks being in prison is just an occupational hazzard, or whether he is such an arse that even his family want nothing to do with him. He could be a real diamond caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time with a moment's lack of judgement, but it will take you time to decide this and you have to have background input in order to make an accurate decision.

He may turn out to be someone you simply would not want to have around kids.

You shouldn't use inmates as a captive dating system. A lot of them already have wives and girlfriends, and those that don't may not be in the best mental state to become a boyfriend or husband.

"You shouldn't use inmates as a captive dating system. A lot of them already have wives and girlfriends," (trying to copy paste?) hope it works. this qoute from SUNRAY is the best advice and very true to.

I think everybody already said it all: take things slowly (it's only been one letter!), be open but cautious, and just sit back and enjoy the ride! Irregardless of whether you two become an item in the future, I can honestly say that no matter what, you've found yourself a friend at least

I wish you nothing but the best in this!