I dont mean to sound like im picking.. but im family oriented.. so i find it hard to get my head around when people talk about leaving kids no matter their age.. so there is a possability because of your relationship you will seperate your daughter and son.. will your son get a choice is he able to make that choice? once there will you be able money wise visit reg with your family.. where is the money going to come from to move out there? if your getting benefits for your son now they will most probably stop once there, so you will have to work, what qualifications do you have to work out there? how will you survive taking care of your son and working? im sorry but i dont feel personally you answered sunrays questions with reality in mind or honesty..

and sex isnt the only physical element in a relationship..

Honesty and reality ? i do live in reality everyday my son has severe autism. But hes always going to have autism and no he can't make his own mind up. So does that mean i can't have a life ?? does his autism take that from me ?? not sure it may do. He comes first everyday, before i go anywere even for a swim his needs are met before mine are. Amy i hope will have a good life and get married with kids of her own. And yes i could see them often, my mother died and left me money so yes i have the money to move. I have no family here only Amy and my ex if hes family and a brother who is a waste of time. My friends are few because of my little man and his autism. And on to the honesty, i wish you could live with me for a week or two and then you will see that i am honest. I do everything on my own i could be anywere in this world and still be on my own. So do i take the leap with a man who tells me he loves me ?? i am still not sure. The physical element to a relationship i know its not all about sex its hugs and little things i know. But i have never had much of that so what you never got how can you miss ??

Thank you very much for your reply i would never shot anyone down for advice. I take it in all of it so thank you.

I just wanted to talk that is all. I just ??? feel alone with this.

I dont mean to sound judgmental but i hate to see people hurt im not saying you will.. but the odds are stacked against us all, even the ones that think they have it all worked out.. i still dont get how you will survive long term on love when you get there long term. you wont be able to live off your mothers money you have to work once there. be lucky..

being alone is all part and parcel of loving an inmate..

I know i really do but for a little bit i was thinking just maybe i know how my life is. I just put my little man in the bath and i know that he will always come first i have Tom untill i am an old lady. So i know, but it is going to be so very hard to tell him i can't be with him. I really do love him you know but i know i can't. A is going to be in bits when i tell him and so am i but i know i can't. Its just that i really wanted i little of what other women have you know and not the life i have got. I love my son but people do not understand how your life is not yours anymore and never will be. Ok that was very honest.

Yep that was honest, and i know that i can't be with Ibraheem but would love to with all my heart. I do love him you know and he has never asked me for anything. I trust him 100% so i have to let him go so he can find a woman who can be with him

Originally Posted by stu

Oh.sorry i have been so wrong all this time lol i honestly thought asking me 20 times to mow the lawn was nagging (whoa my bad)and all this time it was true emotion and feeling lol.i stand corrected the grass shall be cut.

Well if you'd done it the first time....

oops I mean... peace and love

Originally Posted by sunray's wench

No one knows what they can do until after they have either achieved it or failed.

You have asked a lot of different questions, but I'm going to ask you a couple (and you don't have to answer them here in public, or even at all). Do you need a physical element to your relationship, or would you be content to just hold hands for a few hours every 6 months to a year? Could you put everything you have into the relationship, and if it did not work out, could you walk away with your head up saying "I tried and it just didn't work" with no regrets? Would/could you move yourself and your son to the US if you were able to, by your own means, without any support at all from anyone already there?

Man o man do I love the "could you walk away with your head held high" part!!!!! WISH I would have learned that about 25 years ago or more! YES. TO. THAT. Fantastic way of putting that whole concept.

Originally Posted by melanieann

I know i really do but for a little bit i was thinking just maybe i know how my life is. I just put my little man in the bath and i know that he will always come first i have Tom untill i am an old lady. So i know, but it is going to be so very hard to tell him i can't be with him. I really do love him you know but i know i can't. A is going to be in bits when i tell him and so am i but i know i can't. Its just that i really wanted i little of what other women have you know and not the life i have got. I love my son but people do not understand how your life is not yours anymore and never will be. Ok that was very honest.

Yep that was honest, and i know that i can't be with Ibraheem but would love to with all my heart. I do love him you know and he has never asked me for anything. I trust him 100% so i have to let him go so he can find a woman who can be with him

Yeah but as long as it's ok for him to love you in the capacity you now have it's not like you have to cut it all off or anything. Yes, it's fair to cut it off if he says, "look, I'm trying to set up that one for me for the future"... okay then. If you love someone, you've got to let them go do that if you're not the one. But not everyone is concerned with the ring, the house, the car, the picket fence, etc. Some people are ok with unconventional or letting it ride till it works out, etc. I'm not saying to not plan and make no thought of the future but it also doesn't have to be (and won't be) a signed, sealed, delivered deal about anything.

I hope you know what I mean there. And I don't mean it like "you're okay for the bid but after that, see ya".... but people really can make decisions around that, know that their situation is imperfect due to circumstances. Can you still be together as is or are things truly deal breakers? Do you have to let him go because he's stated that this is it for him, he's looking for that one and marriage and all that?

Yep he wants to marry me. If you had seen him when i left last week ;-( i knew then he was all in. I have never seen a man cry so much after a woman. I have told him that i can't marry him and that we have to be real about this. He just tells me its going to be ok hes muslim with so much faith. I love him he makes me happy but the longer it goes on the more i will love him and him me i know that. I feel that from him with every call. When i seen him cry i was so shocked by it. I never did think that he really loved me but i know he does the look on his face when he looked at me was out of this world.