I'm sure this has been addressed before but I want to know everyone's story. I'll start out with mine. Literally minutes ago I was just lectured for having a penpal. I'm 20 years old and live with my mother. I was a little tipsy and was typing an email to my penpal J. A friend came over and I left my laptop open. My mother snooped and looked through it reading the email. I come back inside and receive this lecture about being stupid for writing someone and for "trying" to be an adult. She said I'm dumb for spending money (on JPay) to write a convict who could do damage to my life. Mind you my penpal is on DR. Then she goes on to explain how nieve, irresponsible, and reckless I'm being. She then further stated that since I'm always trying to be grown....she'll start treating me like an adult. Wow.....I just, I just don't know what to say or do. I'm so lost...this is why I've held it from her since I started writing. I know she'd react this way. Anyone care to share advice on what to do now or just share their story on people's reaction in general....

Catch, I feel you. My mother seems to be same kind of person than yours. She did really wrong when she went to your computer and read your private message. I'm just saying this even though it's self-evident because my mother was acting like that for years when I was living home and somehow I started to think that that kind of behaviour was normal, okay and I was wrong when I tried to keep some things private. My advice is: try to take some distance from your mother for your own protection, you are grown up, you don't have to share everything with your mother.

I know it hurts when your mother is saying those kind of things to you. Try to keep your head cool and not start to argue with her. You know yourself what you are and what you are not. I know it's hard not to let them to affect on you. But try.

And remember you are not alone with this, there was a thread about this subject for some time ago. Many of us have family members that don't accept what we are doing.

My first thought after reading.......I think you should be thankful you have a mother that gives a rats to be honest and i do not say that with any disrespect, but as a mother myself knowing so many others do not care about their kids mental, emotional or physical health.

Although i hear/read many people share their thoughts and experiences on the dramas and concerns they have, the reasons why they do not share with family and friends i myself have never been down that path. While i have been on the receiving end of very blunt opinionated people and have listened to their concerns, i have been able to speak up just as much as they have spoken out.

Sometimes people are afraid for those they love believing as your mother does you will come to harm in some way, no matter if the person is incarcerated or not. I am sure she has reasons and believes they are valid, just as you believe in reaching out and writing. My advice, when you have the chance to talk in an open honest fashion or make the time go explain your thoughts, it may not get you any where but at least she will know where your coming from. Sometimes all people want is for others to understand their choices/opinions whether you agree or not.

As for the snooping, i would set some boundaries their as to what you expect and visa versa.

This is exactly the reason why I haven’t told my parents. I know they’d both freak out and probably have me admitted to a mental asylum too! I think that while your mom is obviously overreacting, she’s simply worried about you and wants to protect you. It’s her way of reacting to something she (wrongly) perceives as a dangerous threat to her wonderful daughter. Try talking to her about it in a calmly manner and explain why you chose to write your PP. Make sure she understands that this is not just an spontaneous act on your behalf, but that your decision is based on reflection and consideration. She has every right to be concerned, as she’s your parent who loves you, but she needs to understand that you’re old enough to make your own decisions now and that she’ll just have to trust that she, through her parenting, has helped you to become an independent, sensible woman who’s smart enough to make the right choices. Good luck!

you know when it comes to a mum then I dont think she will listen to reason at all not when it comes to her daughter. mine was a pain and told me 'im still her daughter and she still worries' im 37 and havent lived there for 20 years but thats the way she feels and no amount of explaining would change her mind.

I think its just the way it is.

Yes, I agree with Smiley. Be thankful that your mother loves you, even though she is ready to throw you out with the trash. This sounds like a typical "Mom" thing, and she is simply wanting to protect you from danger. You will do the same thing when you are a mom. :-)

But, I think that the whole world sees us as being crazy . . even so-called Christians, whose bible says, "That which you have done for the least of these, you have done for me" as said by Jesus Christ. Some people talk the talk, but they don't walk the walk, which is sad, because we are all human beings and we all crave respect and friendship. If our friendship turns someone,s life around, or simply makes it easier, then we have done a good thing.

Good luck in dealing with your mom and Happy Writing.

I can see both sides here, as a mom and a pen pal. My first time around my mom was quite interested, but then again she thought I had a depraved mind so *of course* I would befriend someone on death row. This time? I seriously think she doesn't know. Not that I haven't told her, because I told her before I wrote my first letter to R and she knew when I went for my first visit with him, but I think she's forgotten. I told her about a picture he drew for me and she flipped out. Like, she really went stupid. So I quit even mentioning R to her like I would at the very beginning. The really funny (odd) part is that when I wrote to my first pen pal I was 19. You would think she would have had more of an issue with me writing as a 19-year-old as opposed to being a 32-year-old, but moms don't always make sense.

Now, keep in mind: You're 20-years-old. You *are* an adult. You have the right to have your "private life." However, mom has a right to worry about you. Don't argue with her about it (arguing does more harm than good). Perhaps you can sit her down and explain everything. Tell her why you started writing and even tell her about him and what your friendship is like. I know it's not easy to not argue, especially since she went and read what you were typing to him, but try to act like the bigger person here. You never know. Once you explain things to her she may very well understand. Sometimes people overreact because they simply don't know.

Best of luck to you, hon!

We dont know what kind of daughter catch has been for the last 20 years, she might of been a pain in the *** for all we know, most of us know what its like to be a daughter and how we loved to push buttons knowing it would drive mum crazy, so maybe writing prisoners was the cherry lol that just pushed mum over the edge??
and like smiley said be glad you have a mum that cares... maybe get the...im grown i can do what i want chip off your shoulder and share some of your letters with her?? you are after all still living in her house. she might get some comfort from you sharing, rather than feel she has to go take a sneeky look when your not about. yes you do have a right to your privacy but mums are gonna do what they feel they need to do to protect their daughters..

Originally Posted by FreakLikeMe

We dont know what kind of daughter catch has been for the last 20 years, she might of been a pain in the *** for all we know, most of us know what its like to be a daughter and how we loved to push buttons knowing it would drive mum crazy, so maybe writing prisoners was the cherry lol that just pushed mum over the edge??
and like smiley said be glad you have a mum that cares... maybe get the...im grown i can do what i want chip off your shoulder and share some of your letters with her?? you are after all still living in her house. she might get some comfort from you sharing, rather than feel she has to go take a sneeky look when your not about. yes you do have a right to your privacy but mums are gonna do what they feel they need to do to protect their daughters..

Id like this loads if I could...great post.

Originally Posted by FreakLikeMe

We dont know what kind of daughter catch has been for the last 20 years, she might of been a pain in the *** for all we know, most of us know what its like to be a daughter and how we loved to push buttons knowing it would drive mum crazy, so maybe writing prisoners was the cherry lol that just pushed mum over the edge??
and like smiley said be glad you have a mum that cares... maybe get the...im grown i can do what i want chip off your shoulder and share some of your letters with her?? you are after all still living in her house. she might get some comfort from you sharing, rather than feel she has to go take a sneeky look when your not about. yes you do have a right to your privacy but mums are gonna do what they feel they need to do to protect their daughters..

Heeeeyyyyy I'm a good daughter. At least she says so. I've never gotten in trouble and all that. Straight A student and all. She says I'm sneaky though which I fully agree with. It's just sometimes I can't be open with her about certain things. She overreacts, something a lot of parents do. So, I decided to keep quiet about this because, like Xray48 said, "I think that the whole world sees us as being crazy". My mom definitely would think I'm crazy. Haha. I understand her concern and I'm glad that she cares. If she didn't care, who knows where I would be. I thought about telling her and sharing before this whole thing happened but I'm just nervous. Gahhh!