Originally Posted by CatchXXI

I'm sure this has been addressed before but I want to know everyone's story. I'll start out with mine. Literally minutes ago I was just lectured for having a penpal. I'm 20 years old and live with my mother. I was a little tipsy and was typing an email to my penpal J. A friend came over and I left my laptop open. My mother snooped and looked through it reading the email. I come back inside and receive this lecture about being stupid for writing someone and for "trying" to be an adult. She said I'm dumb for spending money (on JPay) to write a convict who could do damage to my life. Mind you my penpal is on DR. Then she goes on to explain how nieve, irresponsible, and reckless I'm being. She then further stated that since I'm always trying to be grown....she'll start treating me like an adult. Wow.....I just, I just don't know what to say or do. I'm so lost...this is why I've held it from her since I started writing. I know she'd react this way. Anyone care to share advice on what to do now or just share their story on people's reaction in general....

Mothers will always behave as they are hard-wired to do : be protective of their children.
My late Mother and I had a difficult relationship, but she seldom deliberately snooped.
Usually, when she understood the motives behind the sometimes outlandish things that I did, she was supportive of me. Sometimes this meant that there were acrimonious discussions between us.

Just hang in there, and do what your heart and conscience tell you is right.

So, she read it and was quiet for a while. She didn't say anything about him. She did ask why I was doing this. I told her the best way I could (she's a bit intimidating). After that she just took it in and left it alone. She didn't seem upset or angry. I guess she's just neutral....

Catch, she's probably letting it sink in. At least she wasn't angry or upset, that's a good sign right?

Originally Posted by CatchXXI

I'm sure this has been addressed before but I want to know everyone's story. I'll start out with mine. Literally minutes ago I was just lectured for having a penpal. I'm 20 years old and live with my mother. I was a little tipsy and was typing an email to my penpal J. A friend came over and I left my laptop open. My mother snooped and looked through it reading the email. I come back inside and receive this lecture about being stupid for writing someone and for "trying" to be an adult. She said I'm dumb for spending money (on JPay) to write a convict who could do damage to my life. Mind you my penpal is on DR. Then she goes on to explain how nieve, irresponsible, and reckless I'm being. She then further stated that since I'm always trying to be grown....she'll start treating me like an adult. Wow.....I just, I just don't know what to say or do. I'm so lost...this is why I've held it from her since I started writing. I know she'd react this way. Anyone care to share advice on what to do now or just share their story on people's reaction in general....

Hi Catch. I am sorry you have had problems, but the advice you have been given here is amazing. Follow it all, and trust in yourself. Don't argue, try and stay calm, talk to her about it all. I told my Mum from the outset about me writing to my man...and now she writes to an inmate as well...give her time, she just loves you and worries for you

Don't worry Catch: not that I need to share it anyhow, but I certainly don't have a mom that would "accept" my writing to inmates. This is nothing new, she has never truly accepted much of who or what I am, this is just one more small thing, in my mind, on a very large pile labeled "what I can't ever share with you." I'm a million years older than you and I STILL long, even after what I know, for some sort of mom's approval. Not forthcoming in this lifetime. But I know the feeling.

I'm not saying a woman of my mom's generation should just be able to accept some of my more "radical" notions but there's a difference between not really understanding or accepting it and judging it harshly and making it in to somemthing very negative complete with ongoing nasty comments- which is what I would get if I thought I should share it. (If I woke up one morning with brain damage and thought I should share it or anything else that personal, ha ha!)

So in my case, I only ever have one reaction about sharing this enterprise with family....why????? Like why would I even care to? My point is, not everyone can share this little hobby. Cool if you have a family that gets it, that gets you, that listens... share away. But if you don't, it still doesn't mean what you're doing is wrong.
I realize you didn't "set out" to try and share but if you feel you really would like to and create and in-road, you could always mention some positive aspect that came out of it now and then. Not that you "need" to change her mind about anything but she could see that perhaps it really can be a positive thing, you're in no danger, etc.

Although you do get the occassional extreme story, I would say that most people who write to inmates do not have any kind of stalker, psycho, ongoing issues about being in contact with someone in prison. I would say for "most" people who stick with it, it is positive in some way.

Originally Posted by samsarah44

Hi Catch. I am sorry you have had problems, but the advice you have been given here is amazing. Follow it all, and trust in yourself. Don't argue, try and stay calm, talk to her about it all. I told my Mum from the outset about me writing to my man...and now she writes to an inmate as well...give her time, she just loves you and worries for you

See? It exists! *Gooddog studies such family understanding as if studying life on another planet*....I've heard it exists! Fascinating!

(I'm actually always happy for people that have this understanding.)

Catch, my mum passed a few years ago, she could sometimes be a little old fashioned so i think those views would have made her a bit shocked by my decision to write to prisoners. But she was also very understanding and i think once she realised that my motives were decent and honest AND that it was something i was serious about, then i think she would have supported me.
I hope you and your Mum can find some peace with this,hopefully given time, all will be ok.

My mother knew before that I was writing with female pp's and she was okay with it. That was a couple of years back. Now I have a male pp as well and I did not tell my family, but once, my brother discovered a ready-to-be-sent envelope on my bookshelf and asked me why I was sending a letter to a prison in the US? I told him about WAP and why I chose to write a prisoner, then he said he didn't judge me for that, he was just surprised at first, but he seemed to be okay with that. We've not talked about this since then and obviously, he's not willing to tell my parents.

I didn´t tell my familiy so far. Just because I don´t see my parents very often, so there has not been the right moment for it. But I´ve told a couple of friends and they are all cool with it. Most think it´s a good thing but that they would not be strong enough to write someone on DR.

my mother initially had a hard time with me writing a penpal in jail. I'm 29. LOL. Every time a letter comes though she asks if she could read it. Before her biggest concerns were them knowing my address and obviously for my safety. Now her biggest concern is me using all her stamps. "I use two stamps a month for the rent and car insurance, you're killin me kid!" LOL. I usually explain my selection process and why I feel I wanted to write them. I won't go into detail about my selection process as I'm pretty sure its debatable, however I will say that I chose people who I feel are either innocent, or just made one bad choice that led them to where they are today. We've all made bad choices, and if that makes us bad people...then hell, we all should be in jail LOL. I believe some people get involved with the wrong person and end up getting dragged down with them. Which I came pretty close to happening to me. You can't expect your mother to not be concerned and as someone else pointed out be grateful she cares enough to snoop around. Good luck and enjoy your pp.