First I wanna say that I'm not sure if the term "indebtedness" is correct in this context.

So what I'm thinking. My pp is really interested in the certain subject and he is not able to get info about it so I offered to send him a book about it. He was REALLY excited about it and was like "I don't know what to say, this is so big thing."

So I went to Amazon and ordered that book, but I also ordered 2 other books for him cause I was like "why not", cause they were cheap and I thought he would really like them, too, plus I wanted to get that 25 dollars, so that the shipping would be free. So I wasn't thinking about that much about it, it's not a big deal for me.

But now I started to think about it that my pp will get those 3 books and how will he feel cause he was so excited already about getting that ONE book. I don't really wanna that he will feel too much gratitude or obligation or s*it like that. How would I say to him that it's NOT a big deal and he doesn't need to feel uncomfortable about it. On the other hand, it feels stupid to explain "they were cheap and shipping was free because I ordered that much yadayada.."

How your pps have taken the things like that? Am I just thinking too much?

By the way, I sent him Justin Cronin's The Passage. Great book, try it!

What I tried to say was, if I'll try to explain things I feel that I am making a big deal about it.

I would wait to see what he says and not worry yourself about it yet. Then simply say that you were happy to do it for him.

Don't worry he will love them !!! my pen pal is like that on times i sent a book which was $3 or so and it was like i had spent a huge amount. It really nice to get any gift ....

I book is a big deal for them...heck, getting a birthday card is a big deal for them quite often. Thing is he may fuss a bit at you over having spent so much on him, and to him it will probably seem like a lot, given the average prison wage per hour ( for those who actually earn a wage). If he mentions it, just assure him that you sent the books because you wanted to do so and because it made you happy to do so.

I get this with my man all the time. He feels guilty that I spend money on him. I always tell him if he was back in free world and was feeling a bit low or was a bit short of money I'd always puck up the tab in a restaurant or something so I don't see it that much differently.

I once had some photos printed of my house following some renovation work that I wanted to show him. No big deal, just a few snaps of a new patio and kitchen floor. But the pictures got lost and he was so upset that I had, as he put it, gone to all the expense of having photos printed and sent to him. Even though it was change out of the back pocket for me.

If I were you I wouldn't explain unless he expresses a bigggg gratitude towards them, if he does I would just say,no biggie just hope that you like it.

My pp would not let me send anything until fairly recently. (3 years of knowing him.) I sent him one book and it changed his life. This is not a guy who gushes and goes on and on but he gushed and went on and on. The feeling that I got for spending that (12$..? whatever it was) was the best feeling. He STILL protested that I shouldn't...it's THAT big of a deal. That you took the time, spend the money (however small money it actually is in the scheme of things.)
They begin to remember all the people who said they would be there for them but weren't and so your gift means more than perhaps it would to someone in the free world.

Since then, I've given 2 other books, all on the same subject, all with the same reaction. In this case, it is my extreme pleasure because it's something that changes his life for the positive and he can take it with him for life.

i sent a book once to K and it was rejected and OMG he was terrible after that and tells me never to send anything. He couldnt send it back to me (not that I wanted it) he couldnt afford it.
He wont let me send a thing. I sent him paper not long ago and had to tell him not to go off on one that I sent it but he needed it. This is after 2 years and he still gives me a hard time.
He told me not long ago that he feels less of a man because he cant send me anything and said hes the one that should be paying for things and whatever. Made me feel bad for him thinking that way.

Originally Posted by fee

i sent a book once to K and it was rejected and OMG he was terrible after that and tells me never to send anything. He couldnt send it back to me (not that I wanted it) he couldnt afford it.
He wont let me send a thing. I sent him paper not long ago and had to tell him not to go off on one that I sent it but he needed it. This is after 2 years and he still gives me a hard time.
He told me not long ago that he feels less of a man because he cant send me anything and said hes the one that should be paying for things and whatever. Made me feel bad for him thinking that way.

Aw, that's too bad about the book fiasco! But yeah: I totally understand the guilt and shame of not being able to give you much and so you giving to them is insulting to manhood in some way. Hey, that's better than those loathesome sponges who imagine that women are there are wish fulfillment centers for their items.