Originally Posted by februarymoon

That's a very good point, gooddog. It's so easy to use our own experiences and our perceptions of prison when trying to picture what their life is like. At visitation my man said he didn't have as much time to write anymore following his move. I glared at him and asked what he does all day. Considering I work 40 hours a week, commute 1.5 hours each way and I still find time to write...

But everything takes so long to do in prison because it's all done manually. It takes him forever to wash his clothes - I just chuck then in the machine while I'm doing something else. The commissary run turns into a whole day fiasco - I have my groceries picked, packed and delivered. Showering takes a few hours to herd them all together and escort them to the neighbouring building due to the boiler being out of action in his building.

Yep. I'm sure it's totally maddening wanting a relationship that's on the same level in those very logistical ways, even though it can be utterly on the same page, emotionally there's always that prison life logistics messing things up in the flow.

One of the biggest breakthroughs I seemed to go through with my pp is when he finally realized that it's okay or desirable to actually EXPLAIN to me all those little minutiae things so that I DIDN'T think he had lost interest or had better things to do than talk to/write to the likes of me. I think (?) maybe it feels dumb to them to have so say "I had to wash my sheets in the sink" (and which hour/day is right for that, etc) whereas they know full well how the other half lives out here just having all those small things be so easy and not some 2 hour event!
And yes to the commissary causing an all day issue, I've heard that too!

I've seen these things cause strife in relationships (read about it on other forums) when the woman or outside person doesn't take the time to try and understand it or continues to somehow take it personally. Yes, it can actually feel like "what are you doing in there all day long?" especially if they don't work or go to school but the longer I am here the longer I realize that every hour has to be scheduled and for all sorts of reasons.

*None of this is to excuse people who have just decided to slack off communications or let the outside person do all the work or who truly IS sitting in there and just deciding not to keep up their end.

This thread makes me realise how much of a novice I still am at this. It never even crossed my mind that my long lost pen pal could have simply lost my address! It also makes more sense as to why he got so busy after his transfer. Yikes!

Thanks guys I really needed to this. In my letter to D I told him I understand that lockdowns happen and that it's something we will have to deal with but I don't HAVE to like it lol. I told him I was going to write him a letter in pink bc I was mad at him lol. He at least is light hearted about it, he's like no more pink letters pls. Just reminds me of what I have to be thankful for and a much bigger reminder for D to behave and get out early.

I would LIKE it if the guy was never in prison in the first place, lol! But, because they are there, there's stuff to put up with for sure. I'll tell you one thing... I never look at how lucky I am to have all the little luxuries the same. I never take it for granted again.

I am getting better with lockdowns or if he's in the SHU, I mean they still suck but it gets better as you get practice. One piece of advice I had read was "PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE" and that is sooooo true! Another tip is to not put your life on hold: pay your bills, go to work, go out with friends, etc. Waiting by the phone or by the post all the time just makes the day more depressing when you don't hear anything.