Hello everyone I'm writing because I recently picked up another penpal. However this one is different than the others. I sent A, a card with basic info on it, offering nothing but friendship. I told him I was a mother of two and that I worked in a hospital. I knew his crime was murder but for once I didn't google more info. Well I was truly sincere in my effort to offer friendship. However when he wrote back he sent three letters and a card. I should've been thrilled right, however he insisted he would love me and cherish our friendship and I was one in a million that he would never tell others what we talk about. Not that bad right but all three letters said the same thing over and over six pages, different size fonts throughout his letter. Then comes today he sends two more letters with the same thing you can trust me just write me. Kiss your kids, he wants to know their names and other personal info about them. Now all I can say is I'm afraid to respond. I don't want to just not write but I'm just not feeling good about his letters and especially him asking so many personal questions about my children. I would just like some advice on how if I should write back or not.

This is exactly what I was worried about in the "Newbe" thread! I just don't know what to say...

I think you should do what is comfortable for you and no matter what people say ALWAYS trust your gut instinct. If he makes you feel uncomfortable and you don't want to continue then you should write a letter telling him that. If you think that he will back off if you write that you don't feel comfortable writing about your children and that you want that to be a topic you won't discuss, see if he respects that decision. No one here can tell you whether or not to continue to write. Only you can determine that.

I stopped writing to my pen pal of 3 months after he alluded to the fact that his crime was molesting a child. He didn't come right out and tell me that but I did say that if it was that crime that I would have to stop writing and he wrote a goodbye and good luck email. I did try to find out what his exact crime was before writing him but I did not find anything. I wish I'd had and had not formed a relationship with him. I won't do that again.

Newbe hello and welcome to the forum, I'm pretty new here myself. I honestly have to say none of my other penpals are like this. He is the only one who I feel is just to invasive in my personal life and I haven't even sent him a letter just a card. So please don't be discouraged, or frightened off being a penpal is so amazing. I've been blessed so much with my new friends. Don't get me wrong I have had some challenges but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Hope your experience is a good one, no I know it will be.

Well, going on the information you have provided us with, I can't say that I would be comfortable writing back either. It seems like overkill to write that many letters on initial contact. I can understand that prison is a lonely place and he may be eager to make sure you respond but it appears excessive. I've only ever had the one pen pal but he has never requested information on my daughter. I have volunteered it and he has responded in an appropriate manner.

Thanks mountanddo. Good advice. I googled him today and found out he was sentenced to lwop for the rape and murder of a 55 year old woman. Maybe I could handle that but the letters contents freaked me out. They start out in a small font then get really large. Thrn he'll say let me tell you more about me, but instead of telling me something about himself he'll say our secerets are ours to keep. I cherish you, do you have someone in your life. Just off the wall things I don't know how to reply to.

Personally I would tell him really that this is info you would rather share over the course of writing and you dont want to let him know everything personal right now. Hes coming on strong but really I think we forget that some of these guys have been in there for so long and dont have a clue how to talk to women. I know when I wrote to K he told me he didnt have a clue how to talk to women and to tell him if he said a thing wrong.

Basically just tell him be honest that hes coming on a bit strong and you want to tone it down a wee bit.

Thanks for the welcome and encouragement nicolequeen!

I really wouldn’t feel comfortable answering a letter like that….

I totally agree with fee. I would explain to him that his constant references to your children and "secrets" are inappropriate, and give him the chance to understand and back off a bit. If he continues, then at least you have made him aware that you do not want that kind of conversation and you can simply send him a card saying it would be best if you don't correspond any longer. Of course, he may not respond at all after you tell him to ease up a bit, which again, sounds like what you would hope for.

I think there is a chance with this one that if you just stop writing, he may continue to send mail. You'll have to spell out very clearly what he is doing to make you uncomfortable.

Wow, that guy sounds a lil too off the wall, but fee, sunray and mountanddo brought up very good points about the fact that he may not realize how he is coming off to you because of being incarcerated and losing touch with how to interact socially, that in particular was a VERY good point. People who are in prison over time lose touch with how to have good social interaction with other people because of how secluded & isolating of an environment they are in. As well, he may just be overexcited, & of course the importance of speaking your mind when needed were also brought up by them. I agree with everything all 3 of them said.

If he makes you uncomfortable, tell him so. In whatever ways, if you feel you need to specify clearly, then do so. There is nothing wrong with calling it the way you see it & being honest. If he can't or doesn't want to accept what you have to say, that's on him, not you. But you HAVE to stick up for yourself in situations like this, or any other tough situation. Say whatever it is you feel, I agree that if he is being so extravagant and excessive right off the top, that's probably a sign that he will need stuff explained & spelled out to him about what he did that makes you feel that way. Sunray was dead on there. If it were me, I would be firm & to the point, I am a person who speaks my mind regardless and in situations where I feel any type of negative emotions, I say what I feel & it usually comes off quite strongly, not in a mean way but just a forceful way. Just do what you have to do to make it clear to him how you feel & go from there. I have nothing else to add here that hasn't already been said.