It is difficult to know what to say. I want to keep his spirits up, but he will probably never be free. I can't imagine what that must be like.

Hello, I'm new here. This is my first message.
I understand you,penpalgal,but don't get discouraged..he needs your cherfulness.

Have you written to said death row inmate yet? Or will it be your first letter?

I hit send too quick.

Write normally. Have conversation like you would with a friend. If you harp on where he/she is you won't ever have a good correspondence going.

MoxieBravo,is your question addressed to me? I write to a person on d.r. for some years.

Nah - it was for the OP.

Though it is unnerving to think about not ever being free again & what it would feel like, you have to keep all of that stuff out of your correspondence with a DR inmate as much as possible. I myself have written one for 7 months and he will soon be receiving his first execution date. The temptation to get sucked into that looms large for me, especially at this time. Just not a good thing to do, it doesn't benefit you or your DR penpal.

My advice would be to write about EVERYTHING else EXCEPT death row, their case or anything to do with those things. Looking at your DR penpal as a friend, you would want to approach it as you would a friendship out here-give your all & be the best friend you can be. People on DR know enough about where they are, their case & their fate, when they reach out to the outside world, they want regular conversation about everyday topics, jokes, laughter-they don't want to rehash something that they live everyday. If you look at them as a friend to you, & look at your correspondence as a way to take some of the weight & stress off their shoulders, then that will steer you in the right direction.

Don't get overwhelmed thinking about where they are. There is such a stigma attached to it, don't get sucked in to that. It's hard not to, but with the right approach, you will be fine. Just talk to them as you would anybody you befriend. They are human just like you, & they want to be looked at that way as we all would. That's about all I have to say, not knowing any specifics other than you are writing a DR inmate.

I've never written to anybody on death row. I've thought about it but right now I'm not in a place where I can commit to writing anyone else. I'm just imagining that if I had a terminal illness or was on death row, it would be exhausting to have somebody always trying to cheer me up. It would probably make me dwell in my situation even more. I would probably appreciate somebody just willing to be a friend to me, to talk to me about everyday stuff and to share their lives with me and let me share what I feel comfortable sharing but not push for anymore.

Sometimes I think that LWOP is just as hard to write to as DR. Either way neither of them are leaving there alive.

Originally Posted by ShadeyBiz89

My advice would be to write about EVERYTHING else EXCEPT death row, their case or anything to do with those things. Looking at your DR penpal as a friend, you would want to approach it as you would a friendship out here-give your all & be the best friend you can be. People on DR know enough about where they are, their case & their fate, when they reach out to the outside world, they want regular conversation about everyday topics, jokes, laughter-they don't want to rehash something that they live everyday. If you look at them as a friend to you, & look at your correspondence as a way to take some of the weight & stress off their shoulders, then that will steer you in the right direction.

discuss their case if they want to do so. there is nothing wrong with asking questions but harping on it - unless they like to write about it - doesn't do any good. i knew nothing about R's case until 6 months into it and i waited for him to bring it up. i wasn't going to ask questions. now i do, but it's more of a "have you heard anything from your lawyer recently?" yes, there are things we will rant about pertaining to his case, but our letters are so much more than just that. if they don't want to discuss it straight away don't be offended! more than likely they will one day tell you all about it. sometimes they just want to make sure they can trust you before they share that personal part of their lives. as SB said, they want to have conversation with people other than the guys they're around all day - meaning other prisoners and COs. they want to escape that. what seems like boring, mundane stuff to you (like your trip to the grocery store) is exactly what they feed off of. don't feel bad showing them pictures of a sunset or places you go. don't feel bad telling them about your vacation or a movie you just saw. they want to see and hear about those things as much as they want to hear about your trip to the grocery store. once you're both comfortable with each other, know that you don't have to be perma-happy in your letters either. if something is bothering you it is perfectly okay to write about that kind of stuff too.