Forgive me for the title as it was hard to come up with one that described what I am asking here.

Something someone said in another post that googling their potential pen pals crime helps them to decide whether or not to write to someone and that they think about their crime, realize that their crime was in the past and let it go. It got me to thinking

I've seen some posts about pen pals trying to get money from their pen pal or wanting them to discuss sex or wanting to find that special someone. Most of the posts are about how wonderful their pen pal is or how much of a connection they have with them.

Is anyone writing to someone that doesn't feel remorseful about their crime or feel that they are in prison to be rehabilitated? The reason why I ask is just because they have put an ad up doesn't mean that they are turning over a new leaf and they feel bad about what they did to get themselves in prison in the first place.

Some crimes that these potential pen pals have done are pretty horrific. Has anyone began writing to someone and then realize that their crimes aren't in the past and if they got out of prison they would go back to committing these same crimes? If you have, did you stop writing or change your writing style?

Most of us are writing to people to help reduce recidivism and be there for someone that might not have family or friends to support them. What about the pen pal that clearly does not want this. Surely we aren't all writing sweet men or women that want to better themselves when they get out are we?

Well, I am only writing to one person. I don't think that he is writing to me to be rehabilitized. I think he is writing to me because he is bored and lonely. When I first started writing he was in 23/1 lockdown and had been for eight years. He has never felt that he was in prison to be rehabilitized because many prisons don't offer that sort of support anymore. He is doing a paralegal course now that a church group helped sponsor him for and does to all the educational courses offered to him at his prison, but many of them are lame.

I am quite sure, now that there is 18 years distance between his crimes and the present day that he would not carry on the way he did before he went into prison. There is also a lot of difference between a dumb 21 year old kid who had little impulse control and the 38 year old man he is today. He does feel remorseful about what brought him to prison and acknowledges he was wrong.

Sometimes crime is a young persons game. " A civilized society locks up people until age makes them harmless but does not keep them in prison until they die" US v. Jackson. My pen pal has a life sentence. He won't get the chance to prove whether he will make a better go of it when he gets out. I believe he would if he were given the chance.

I have a good friend who does not feel ANY remorse for bashing the crap out of a CO, breaking ribs, his jaw etc and ending in the hole a few years back (still resides there). He explained in detail what happened and why, we have discussed it to the point of me accepting this. Does that make him a bad person? He is my friend and although i understand the choice he made, does not mean i have to accept it, but i will not reject him for those choices.

Not all people who end up in prison are "bad" people needing reform, some have just made bad decisions and so will continue to be true to who they are. Others due to circumstances change, harden and make choices they would not in the free world. It is not my place to judge another, i do not live a life behind bars, do not live the gang culture nor prison politics. I do not endure the ridicule of CO's, nor that of admin. I do not endure the punishment time and time again due to the actions of those around me.

I do not write people because i believe i can change them or influence them with rehabilitation, in other words reduce recidivism, that is not my motivation. I am under no illusion when it comes to prisoners, so many are happy with who they are and the moral compass they follow not seeing a need for change. While it is not the road i would choose to travel, i am happy to take along some food for thought and go with the flow.

You also have to remember what we see as a "bad" choice/decision is not to another, violence is the norm as is supporting there homies. If you go into writing thinking you can change/save someone, it is much like being with an alcoholic and thinking because he loves me he will change......it just doesn't work more times than it does.

I truly believe that rehabilitation begins with first accepting the harm you committed against society. Two of my penpals refuse to say they committed a crime because one did not pull tje actual trigger and the other one says he did did not deliver the fatal stab they killed the drug dealer he.was trying to rob with 3 other people. He writes and states he didnt have anything to do with the reason he was incarcerated. I never argue with them or even debate the topic of their involvement. However I truly believe that until they accept their role they played in their crimes tjey will have a difficult time accepting change. I personally believe if you are conspire to commit a crime with any party and someone dies in the process of the crime you are just responsible as the person who pulled the trigger. At anytine you as and.adult because neither one of the gentleman wer..e teenagers, they could have said no or called the police and maybe saved a life. Well thats just my two cents on the matter. I wholeheartedly believe you have to accept that you need rehab before it can work for you.

I am writing quite a few individuals (9) and so far all of them are very pleasant. Anyway...there is only one of them that I suspect may be stuck in his ways but it would appear as though he may be willing to change. He is a member of a gang..openly and has told me that he has recruited men younger than him to the gang and he made it seem as though he was recruiting soldiers ya know? It almost seemed like he didn't know that that was steering them in the wrong direction..however even though he's been in prison for more than half of his life at age 30 he's began to educate himself and he told me he feels as though he is changing. He told me that he wouldn't put up a front and admitted that he had not completely changed but also told me he felt different this time around, he just isn't quite sure how. He also told me I was "already helping him" when we almost just started communicating. Because he's one of 2 penpals I came across by other means than this website (I found one on the forums through another member and another I was passed off to by someone I wrote) I don't know his crime or sentence and he hasn't brought it up but I'm going to assume if we continue to grow closer then he'll open up and tell me. I'm not sure if this is relevant but I felt like it may be because he's still representing his gang..I just don't know his crime. I'm not sure that if I did it would change anything.

Originally Posted by nicolequeen48211

I truly believe that rehabilitation begins with first accepting the harm you committed against society. Two of my penpals refuse to say they committed a crime because one did not pull tje actual trigger and the other one says he did did not deliver the fatal stab they killed the drug dealer he.was trying to rob with 3 other people. He writes and states he didnt have anything to do with the reason he was incarcerated. I never argue with them or even debate the topic of their involvement. However I truly believe that until they accept their role they played in their crimes tjey will have a difficult time accepting change. I personally believe if you are conspire to commit a crime with any party and someone dies in the process of the crime you are just responsible as the person who pulled the trigger. At anytine you as and.adult because neither one of the gentleman wer..e teenagers, they could have said no or called the police and maybe saved a life. Well thats just my two cents on the matter. I wholeheartedly believe you have to accept that you need rehab before it can work for you.

I will never forget the day my pp took responsiblity for his crime other than lip service, but changed his thinking and realizations. It was a great day. I notice he's been a lot more consistantly happy since then, maybe there's more work to do but at least he feels he's on it now. I guess that's the rehabilitation of the self? Done by only one: your self.

Originally Posted by mountanddo

Is anyone writing to someone that doesn't feel remorseful about their crime or feel that they are in prison to be rehabilitated?

Over the years, not many of the inmates I have written to have seen prison as being a rehabilitation experience. One or two have gains education qualifications or vocational training, and have changed their attitudes on what they wanted to do and be when they got out, but on the whole most just see it as punishment.

Being remorseful about the crime is a whole different subject. Something Hubby could write a thesis on, and then some. But remorse does not go hand in hand with rehabilitation. There are plenty of inmates who can justify their actions regardless of who got hurt, and still be rehabilitated - by themselves or less frequently, by the DoC.

Remorse is also not a constant state.

I am writing a guy whose crimes are not in the past. He seems to really regretting only getting caught. The most likely he ends up doing his old **** after he is released I'm not stopping to write to him but I can admit that it's not easy. I can only hope that there will be a change.

I feel I have made a commitment when I started to write to him and I consider him my friend so I wanna continue writing to him. But at the moment there is a little ice age in our friendship cause he has hard time to accept the consequences of his actions, I mean how they also affect me and our friendship. I'm like the only person who is being real with him. So it can be that he will end our friendship. Even though this has not been a joyride, I would def miss him...

Sometimes I feel pretty alone because of this cause as you mount said almost all are here only talking about how everything is so great with their pps etc.

One inmate I wrote some years ago, stated clearly he would kill again anyone who got in his way, it would not bother him. At least he was honest. The inmate had escaped prison one time, he ended up dying of natural causes at an old age.

Another claimed to be innocent to his death of natural causes, at the age of 54. He went into prison at the age of 36.