So since I am brand new to this, another question came up.

When picking my PP's, there was a link to the prison's site, saying what type of crime they have committed. When writing them, I did not really think about doing some research to their case. While waiting 3 weeks for a response, I was thinking about it, tried the one PP and could not really find anything in google. Now that I got my letters, I noticed a change in my thoughts...

I'm thinking about choosing NOT to find out about the case in specific, because I don't want my focus to go on the case but on them as a person that has a past. I think it would maybe draw my attention to "the crime" instead of getting to know them for who they are today.

Does anyone understand what I mean, did anyone maybe experience the same?

Now one of the 2 guys I started writing with, has LWOP (i think that's how it's abbrev. right?) and I start thinking about that he was just so young when all this has happend, he is in there for 20 years already and has another 20 years to go. So now what?

I did not expect to get emotionally so drawn to someone's story...that all of the sudden I start thinking about how life has been for him the last 20 years and how it will be for him for another 20 years.

Anyone...please anything so it helps me coping with those new emotions?

I didn't google R at all. I just knew where he was and why but that was it. I let him tell me himself. Some want to know the crime before they write. I'm of the thought that I'm not writing to a crime - I'm writing to a person. Had I seen R's story I wouldn't have written. Had I known my 1st pen pal's case I wouldn't have written. And I wouldn't have met two of the most special people ever to have been a part of my life. I decided that I was going to know *them* first then worry about the rest later.

As far as getting emotionally drawn? Well.... I'm not a good person to advise you on that because I have a tendency to get really passionate about stuff to where it will consume a part of me. Some call it obsessive.

I feel as you do. If you know what the conviction is, why dig any deeper?

I've never google a penpal, unless they specifically ask me to do so.

However, I have googled a penpal's cellie, with shocking results. I don't think I'll do that again in a hurry. I had nightmares for months.

I have a very strong opinion on this. I am sitting here looking at all 340 pages of transcript of my man's trial and all exhibits and evidence that was presented. None of it bears any resemblance to what the media reported. They reported what would sell papers. The court transcript reports what was actually said. Two very different things.

If you google, you will not necessarily find an accurate version of events.

I think its best to be comfortable writing to your pen pal and what they have done, whether or not that is your focus of writing. I have seen many on here say they are comfortable writing to a murder/rapist only to find out the details latter on, usually that it is toward a child, and then say they can't write anymore and drop their pals. I think its better to never write to someone if you can't handle it, then to write and drop them suddenly later, usually it seems after a few months.

Two of my pen pals told me to Google them and look up their legal information. Then they told me their side of what happened, seemingly honestly. I think they wanted me to know now rather than start a relationship only to have it crumble later on when attachments had been made.

I have mixed feelings about this. I feel that if you are going to form a relationship with someone in prison that you should know about their crime. However, as others have pointed out the crime listed here isn't always everything that they are in prison for. Even if you do Google them you might not find anything. I also agree that the media does twist things to their advantage. This decision to Google is something that I think everyone needs to decide for themselves. After all, you are the one writing them. As much as we'd like to think that their crime shouldn't be a factor in writing it truly does just as our past experiences make us who we are.

The fact is that you may not find out that they have committed a sex crime against a child until they reveal this themselves. Then it is up to you whether or not to keep writing.

I have said it before on other similar threads.
I think it is the height of discourtesy to google (or research in any way) someone's past without having first asked their permission.

Originally Posted by Silas Sydenham

I have said it before on other similar threads.
I think it is the height of discourtesy to google (or research in any way) someone's past without having first asked their permission.

Google only provide publicly available information, the heigh ot discourtesy would be to track down their family, dig through their trash, stalk them and demand information that's not on google.

On another thread I mentioned I googled a PP's information(purely to get her original profile to look at it on WAP) and came across her facebook page only to learn she's married. I'm currently waiting to see what she says to my question of whether she's been married or not.

While not directly related to what she's done, I feel it's relevant to this thread because google reveals for the most part a good amount of truth about a person if you take it with a grain of salt.

I've been on the news 3 times now and every single time it was edited to hell and back and did not reflect what the news anchors told me the piece would be about, and since then I've learned not to trust news sources.

The reality is that if you're afraid of what you'll find on someone, you still should dig out the truth before you get emotionally attached.

Silas, why should anyone require permission from a person to learn the truth about their past especially if the person is guilty of say fraudulently stealing people's identifications, defrauding people out of money, or other crimes that involve building relationships?

I guess I'm the type of person that feels that if you have nothing to hide there's no reason to be so defensive and even if I don't google someone's past it will always bug me at least a little.

Just curious, how do you feel about the Government not disclosing information to the public until they're dragged over the coals? To me that's identical to googling people's pasts, the reality is that no one will ever give permission for something they don't want you to find out that would be a deal breaker.

I'm funny that way.

I would not feel comfortable about someone googling me, even though I have nothing to hide, and I know that there is nothing there to find.

However, I think courtesy means that we are not at liberty to delve into strangers' pasts without invitation.

However, I invite you to google me.