We are corresponding for 4-5 months I guess and so far I was using a fake last name but I dont want to do this anymore. Should I tell him? what should I say? and if I tell the truth, would he still trust me or would it break down confidence?

same here, but i guess its fine cause i use that as my internet name, its sorta like a white lie..-,-.i hv thought abt telling him but im not sure how to..

Maybe tell him that you did it out for precautionary measures, but that now you trust him enough to tell him your real surname?

I guess I am going to get blasted for this but why do you bother to even look on a write a prisoner web site if you don't trust these people enough to tell them your true name, sure these guys and gals are not where they are for missing choir practice but how do you think they will feel when you decide to tell them the truth I know if it was me I would be rather unhappy

Originally Posted by Gerri

I guess I am going to get blasted for this but why do you bother to even look on a write a prisoner web site if you don't trust these people enough to tell them your true name, sure these guys and gals are not where they are for missing choir practice but how do you think they will feel when you decide to tell them the truth I know if it was me I would be rather unhappy

agree 100% and just want to add that i hope you are not expecting him to be totally honest with you since you are not being totally honest with him. I dont mean it as harsh as it sounds but it takes 2 to make trust work

Are we talking about the first name or family name?

But anyway... when she first wrote she couldn't know who she was talking to. Now she trusts him and that's good, but he could have been totally mental. I understand that she didn't give her actual name in the first place. Then it probably went on and on and she just realized she trusts him enough now. It's not like they have been writing for 10 years...

When I told my PP I considered giving him my actual address because it had been a few months and I trusted him, he basically answered "hey no problem, keep if that way if you want to, after all you're writing to a prison and you never know who may read you" or something like that. So he wasn't vexed and he didn't "want" me to give my actual address.

It does take 2 to make trust work,yes. But, just as you don't tell about very personal informations in the first letter, you don't have to give informations you don't want to (name, address, etc) in it. Especially if you have a very unusual first name for example. Of course, if I were the inmate I would feel vexed if my PP happened to have a fake name for years. But it's been a few months (= maybe just a few letters) it's not that big a deal if she tells the truth now.

I started to write inmates for the first time in December. I wanted to do it like that I wouldn't feel uncomfortable. So I used poste restante address and didn't tell them my last name. After writing 3 months I told my penpals my home address and full name. I was a little bit worried how they would feel about that BUT they both took it very well. Actually one of them said he respected me more because of that and he hoped that I would continue to do so if I will write to new inmates.

The other one told that it made he feel happy cause it was so concrete sign that we both are slowly building a trust.

So they both understood me totally. But I wasn't using a fake name.

Giving anything other than my real name never even crossed my mind. I knew I was writing to inmates and not members of the Boyscouts of America, but I guess I just felt honesty was the best approach from the get go - nothing to hide here. I know some people are concerned that an inmate may come track them down once they get out of prison, but that is another possibility which I considered before writing in the fiirst place. I think I have just about as much chance of being hit by a bus as I do of having one of my penpals coming along to my door with harmful intentions - I think they will most likely have better things to do once they get out of prison than come track me down with an axe in hand.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that in someone is afraid of the possible consequences of writing an inmate, than maybe they shouldn't write in the first place. Yes they are criminals and may have told their fair share of falsehoods, but what example do we wish to show them? That may sound harsh, but it's my two cents.

I used my real name and my real address. I used my real address rather than a PO Box mostly because I didn't feel like traipsing down to the post office whenever I wanted to get my mail seeing as it is 10 feet from my front door.

One thing though that I did do in my letter was use my son and daughter middle name. The next letter he sent he had said something like I like the fact that you are an honest and sincere person. Well, did that ever make me feel guilty so I wrote off another letter and added that I would have to come clean and then told him the children's real first names. I didn't use their last name and it is different than mine. I just said that I had read that you shouldn't give too much information about you and that my kids names seemed like something I wanted to protect. Then I simply apologized. Now this was the second letter where I came clean so I don't know how I would of phrased it if it had been 6 months or a year.

I do have a question though about using a fake name. Do you use that name for your return address? Would anyone ever run into problems if they wanted to be put on that person's phone or visiting list? You would not be able to do that unless you gave your real name because I think they check to see if the phone number and address match your name. At least TDCJ checks that you are the person registered on the phone.

Originally Posted by mountanddo

I do have a question though about using a fake name. Do you use that name for your return address? Would anyone ever run into problems if they wanted to be put on that person's phone or visiting list? You would not be able to do that unless you gave your real name because I think they check to see if the phone number and address match your name. At least TDCJ checks that you are the person registered on the phone.

You don't have to put a return address on mail going in to TDCJ. Your ID doesn't even have to match the name on the visitation list as long as you have a reasonably excuse (not updated a drivers licence etc). It is only for the phone service that your address has to match both the phone bill and the visitation list.