This is not aimed at the original poster at all, just a general comment- but you're right febmoon.... for some reason whenever "prison" is involved in the relationship or even friendship, it's open season.
I've made unconventional choices all my life and have often felt it was open season on me for it. Try adopting a child of another race if you want to see the real ugly side of humanity come out....for real. In the end, that experience, which I will here relate to the experience of loving someone in an "unconventional setting" is the kind of thing that you just have to do- let what is in your heart and mind guide you, and the opinions of others, sadly, they must fall by the wayside.
The love the human heart is capable of can be bigger than the petty nonsense of the mind.

If I had listened to the negative naysayers I wouldn't have bucked convention, adopted my beautiful daughter, etc. I was dismayed to find how "on my own" I was at times with things but that's when I relied on love being the important thing, not people and their judgments. I also learned in that event, probably much like the inmate relationship experience, that people's mass judgments are actually meaningless in so many ways even though they can sting. You're STILL going to do what you're going to do, guided by love.

Often people are judging out of fear. They're afraid for you, afraid you'll be hurt, things will go wrong, so they try to naysay it but it's not really helpful like that.

carry on...

Originally Posted by prophetessacorn

For those in prison relationships what helped you make the decision to be in a relationship with those in prison? Especially the ones who have life in prison or on deathrow? I am curious because feelings can develop between two people but what was the deciding factor for you to be with someone that you cannot touch, or make love to? It is a big sacrifice of love and I would like to get more insight to it.

I don't see it as a sacrifice at all. It's an opportunity to have a more fulfilling and complex relationship than many people in conventional relationships do.

And many people can touch and make love to their significant others if they are in prison, so that kind of negates your question.

Are you married? Why did you marry your husband, if you are?

I have seen the ugly side of humanity several times in my life, one having a child with bipolar and two being in an relationship with a man of another race. I never doubted that the relationships your in are not difficult nor that you are not judged, I can imagine whay naysayers say. I asked the questions because it is something I needed to know, for a decision I have to make. Maybe I should not have asked it after all

Actually I was told in certain states you could not be intimate with your spouse as some prisons don't allow it, no I am not married this why I asked the question. I see it as a sacrifice even though you and others may not. Your love for an inmate causes some to give up things that we in the free world take for granted is what I meant.

Originally Posted by prophetessacorn

I have seen the ugly side of humanity several times in my life, one having a child with bipolar and two being in an relationship with a man of another race. I never doubted that the relationships your in are not difficult nor that you are not judged, I can imagine whay naysayers say. I asked the questions because it is something I needed to know, for a decision I have to make. Maybe I should not have asked it after all

Only you can make the decision if it concerns whether or not to get married to someone. All experiences will be different. Marriage works for some relationships and not for others. That's why we have divorce. Just because some of us here have posted to say we are very happy does not mean everyone with a husband/boyfriend/wife/girlfriend in prison is happy. Why ask random strangers for their experiences on a matter that only you can decide for yourself? Listen to your heart, not me. If your heart says it's right, then you know what you need to do.

Having read this thread and yes I am happily married ( no she's not incarcerated ) I had to ask Helen 2 simple questions? The answers I received should be the same if you love someone and they feel the same, it dosent matter if your partner is away at war,incarcerated or free.
Question 1. Helen do you still love me?
Answer 1 why what have you done,LOL
I reply nothing just asking
Question 2 why
Answer 2 that's a stupid question!! Now your sandwiches are ready
I guess the point she just made your heart will feel exactly how it will,if your in the same boat,singing off the same page,it gota be right,no offence to anyone just saying

actually the person that I am I would ask the question in a restaurant, if you look at like im prying I won't ask nothing else. I thought this was a board where we could share and ask things I guess not. Have a great day

Originally Posted by prophetessacorn

For those in prison relationships what helped you make the decision to be in a relationship with those in prison? Especially the ones who have life in prison or on deathrow? I am curious because feelings can develop between two people but what was the deciding factor for you to be with someone that you cannot touch, or make love to? It is a big sacrifice of love and I would like to get more insight to it.

All love involves making sacrifices of some choice, whether our loved one is in the free world or incarcerated. It is perhaps a question of what level of sacrific one is personally willing to make - what seems impossible to one person is merely an obstacle which can be overcome to another.

I don't think anyone here is trying to do anything more than say that individual experiences are diverse. There is no right or wrong, just whatever works for each of us.

Originally Posted by Earthmother

All love involves making sacrifices of some choice, whether our loved one is in the free world or incarcerated. It is perhaps a question of what level of sacrific one is personally willing to make - what seems impossible to one person is merely an obstacle which can be overcome to another.

I don't think anyone here is trying to do anything more than say that individual experiences are diverse. There is no right or wrong, just whatever works for each of us.

And that should have said "some sort" rather than "some choice"

Sigh, I'm just going to blame the brain deadness on my upcoming exams....

Originally Posted by prophetessacorn

actually the person that I am I would ask the question in a restaurant, if you look at like im prying I won't ask nothing else. I thought this was a board where we could share and ask things I guess not. Have a great day

I don't think anyone gave the impression that they were upset with you. Maybe I missed something. I don't know.

It's a touchy subject for a lot of people because usually when that question is asked what follows is nothing short of a bash session. Some people are just cautious. I can completely understand. I get defensive when someone questions why I write someone on death row.