Originally Posted by februarymoon

The forum is for anyone who enjoys exchanging opinions and vigorous debates. The key word is enjoy.

Key word is enjoy? Guess all have a diff interpetation of enjoy also, maybe some feel superior, or enjoy to shame,or bully others. I can think of many members who never use shaming name calling etc towards others.

Originally Posted by mountanddo

Really? Please do explain. Perhaps this friction is in your mind because I am basing my comments to you soley on your comments to me in this thread. It has nothing to do with whatever you are referring to because I don't have a clue what you are talking about.

Oho! Hoisted on your own petard!

You are, by your own admission, clueless.

Do you not remember our discussion about the difference between comparison and analogy?

Do you not recall your dismissing me as a liar when we were talking about reality shows?

I could go on, but I have to go to work in a few minutes.

This is an open forum. we all direct our comments and opinions to the whole forum, not just to one another.

Therefore I am regretful that we two have taken this personally.

I offer my apology to you, and to the forum.

Originally Posted by Silas Sydenham

Oho! Hoisted on your own petard!

You are, by your own admission, clueless.

Do you not remember our discussion about the difference between comparison and analogy?

Do you not recall your dismissing me as a liar when we were talking about reality shows?

I could go on, but I have to go to work in a few minutes.

This is an open forum. we all direct our comments and opinions to the whole forum, not just to one another.

Therefore I am regretful that we two have taken this personally.

I offer my apology to you, and to the forum.

Wow Silas you certainly do think highly of yourself that you expect that I would continue to hold such things in my head and base my current responses on previous interactions with you. Yes, I vaguely remember the analogy post but have no idea what you are talking about with the reality shows, nor do I care.

I do appreciate your sincere apology a mere few sentences away from insulting me yet again. I shall now put you on ignore as I don't care to read your dribble anymore.

Originally Posted by smiley

If i am understanding you correctly, you look up information on new friends you meet? Can i ask why you would feel the need to do that and do you let your potential friends know you do it? Is that something most people do because of the availability and ease of information these days?

I'm sure you're a lovely person. I've had some not so great friends, some less than desirable dates. I don't call their high school English teacher or anything, but yes I DO look up court records via the applicable county website. It probably is paranoid, though the only people who have been upset about it were people who were lying to me about something in their past.

"Didn't you say you got divorced?" "lie lie lie lie" "Interesting, because there is no record of it" "ranting about how insensitive I am to their privacy"

Originally Posted by pylia

I'm sure you're a lovely person. I've had some not so great friends, some less than desirable dates. I don't call their high school English teacher or anything, but yes I DO look up court records via the applicable county website. It probably is paranoid, though the only people who have been upset about it were people who were lying to me about something in their past.

"Didn't you say you got divorced?" "lie lie lie lie" "Interesting, because there is no record of it" "ranting about how insensitive I am to their privacy"

Someone that finally GETS it! Thank you.

Originally Posted by pylia

I'm sure you're a lovely person. I've had some not so great friends, some less than desirable dates. I don't call their high school English teacher or anything, but yes I DO look up court records via the applicable county website. It probably is paranoid, though the only people who have been upset about it were people who were lying to me about something in their past.

"Didn't you say you got divorced?" "lie lie lie lie" "Interesting, because there is no record of it" "ranting about how insensitive I am to their privacy"

Thanks for the reply and i am unsure how old you are or if this is what you have always done, but what about getting to know people the old fashioned way at face value and TRUSTING in your OWN judgments and observations? Am i just too old, (in my 40's) too trusting or is it the sign of the times we are living in when all things change in part due to technology? Don't get me wrong i have met some "interesting" people on my travels and i honestly understand wanting to know information on those you write inside of prison, but those you meet and greet in the free world, i just find that strange, i guess just like you find it normal.

So when you tell people you have researched them before meeting, they are not offended i gather from what you have shared. Personally i would be, not because i have anything to hide, but i would not want to be with someone if they were that untrusting of others, especially me because and i am assuming here only. I would think it would show in other areas of the relationship??? I do not mean that to sound rude, because when i read it over it does, but just being really honest with you.

I am sure for some it could save much heart ache, as i have watched news programs that bring to life a man or woman who has done the rounds BS and ripping people off with their life savings etc, although red flags were more times than not present as they are for most people trying to keep up a farce but i think for the most part those people are few and far between, maybe i am wrong?

Originally Posted by smiley

Thanks for the reply and i am unsure how old you are or if this is what you have always done, but what about getting to know people the old fashioned way at face value and TRUSTING in your OWN judgments and observations? Am i just too old, (in my 40's) too trusting or is it the sign of the times we are living in when all things change in part due to technology? Don't get me wrong i have met some "interesting" people on my travels and i honestly understand wanting to know information on those you write inside of prison, but those you meet and greet in the free world, i just find that strange, i guess just like you find it normal.

So when you tell people you have researched them before meeting, they are not offended i gather from what you have shared. Personally i would be, not because i have anything to hide, but i would not want to be with someone if they were that untrusting of others, especially me because and i am assuming here only. I would think it would show in other areas of the relationship??? I do not mean that to sound rude, because when i read it over it does, but just being really honest with you.

I am sure for some it could save much heart ache, as i have watched news programs that bring to life a man or woman who has done the rounds BS and ripping people off with their life savings etc, although red flags were more times than not present as they are for most people trying to keep up a farce but i think for the most part those people are few and far between, maybe i am wrong?

I'm not sure that is has anything to do with age, my mother is mid 50's and does it too. I'm in my 30s. It probably stems from a series of poor judgement calls and doing it and finding nothing (or even some silly stuff) makes me feel emotionally safer. I've been doing it for about five years. I totally get where it can be viewed as invasive and unneeded, but this is what I feel like I need to do right now.

No one has been "oh good I'm glad you did that", with the exception of one person who had a tax thing, but no one seemed especially bothered by it but people hiding things.

I think at one point we all realize that everyone we deal with has their own bit of baggage, this just happens to be one of my carry-ons. Anyway, I'm perfectly happy agreeing to disagree about it, but appreciate that you were able to maintain a civil conversation about it.

Up until a few months ago I saw people at face value. I never doubted a person, and I always wanted to see the good in everyone. I looked at people like I was looking through a child's eyes. I trusted, and thought everyone was good. Just recently did I start seeing the evilness and corruption in the world and I now have my guard up with everyone. It is sad, but you cannot trust people. I was the one to lend someone money just cause they said they would pay me back, or to invite someone in to my home cause I felt bad for them - later to be stolen from. My point to this is - trusting people too much has gotten me into more trouble than it's worth. So now I associate with people form a distance, I don't get too close, and people need to earn my trust before I allow them into my life. You cannot be too careful when it comes to your own life, never.

Example - a year ago I was out with some friends. There was a guy there who I saw a few times but didn't really know. He fed me this sob story about having to get back home (he lived an hour away) to his kids, that he was here working and his ride stiffed him. I drove him home. On my way back I went to pay for gas to realize the 400 I had in my wallet was GONE! Now, had I of asked around about this guy first, I would have known (which I do now) that he was a compulsive liar and a thief. Those who knew him were no longer around to warm me by this point, and being the person I was, I believed what he was telling me. Thankfully it only cost me 400 to learn the lesson that people are rarely as they seem - everyone has a story and it's better to find out the story BEFORE getting too close than after when something bad can happen. But this of course is only my opinion and the way I feel most comfortable living my life. Everyone is different and I see both sides with an open mind.

MyBodyIsACanvas: I just want to say that I too, probably like most people, have been screwed over more than once while having a totally trusting heart. Hurts like hell. But I've also had people that were absolute angels that went above and beyond for me, often. I've had a lot more angels than devils, looking back. Sadly, the devils can be so pain inducing that we do remember those scars, and that's good... it's a way to learn. But it hurts us even more to let THEM block our lives and hearts up forever from trust and love.

I got stabbed in the back brutally by a "friend" and I was completely blindsided by it. Didn't expect that one at all. I am ashamed at how long it took me to get over and how much it hurt me. For a long time I straight armed anyone who even thought about coming near me, trusted no one, even had my trust shaken in those that still DID love me and had nothing to do with it! In hindsight, I'm glad for the lessen she taught me, part of which was that I am to never stop being myself- which IS good hearted and trusting. Letting them change who you are means you let them win. And they can't.

I know that was a bit OT from the online dating thing but just, yeah, I can relate and I'm sure many can, when you get blindsided and taken for a fool. It's the worst. But don't let it close your eyes to the next angel on the way. They're out there!

And how sad for those unskillful fools who harm us... don't they realize there's always going to be consequences for their actions?

Originally Posted by MyBodyIsACanvas

Example - a year ago I was out with some friends. There was a guy there who I saw a few times but didn't really know. He fed me this sob story about having to get back home (he lived an hour away) to his kids, that he was here working and his ride stiffed him. I drove him home. On my way back I went to pay for gas to realize the 400 I had in my wallet was GONE! Now, had I of asked around about this guy first, I would have known (which I do now) that he was a compulsive liar and a thief. Those who knew him were no longer around to warm me by this point, and being the person I was, I believed what he was telling me. Thankfully it only cost me 400 to learn the lesson that people are rarely as they seem - everyone has a story and it's better to find out the story BEFORE getting too close than after when something bad can happen. But this of course is only my opinion and the way I feel most comfortable living my life. Everyone is different and I see both sides with an open mind.

I am 58, I have been "taken" by a sob story on many occasions.
First occasion was when I was a young man of 17, on my first solo visit to a really big city. A guy came up to me when I was still in the railway station. He claimed to know me, that he was the son of the fruiterer in my home town, needed to get home to help his dad in the shop the next day. I swallowed his story, and gave him everything in my wallet. Not a whole lot, but it was my spending money for a week-long summer school.
What I learned from this, and subsequent take-downs by others; is not to stop trusting, but to self protect.
I never carry more money than I need for the day, never carry a credit card that has more in it than a taxi-fare home, and, if strangers visit, never have anything on display in my home that means more to me than its cost price. (And I have undertaken Personal Attack Response Training (PART)).

I believe that it is encumbent on all people of goodwill to accept people at face value.