I'm really confused right now and I'm hoping for others' opinions on what I'm currently going through and I thought, who else's opinions are more useful and valuable and who understands me better than those who have gone through/are going through this right now! So I'm hoping someone might give me their honest opinion on this.

I started writing C (along with some others) last Nov- I went into this thinking that I'd just be a friend who'd talk to them and cheer them up blahblahblah. So it really caught me off-guard when I realised I was starting to really like LIKE him. I sorta told myself I was being silly since I've never met him before and only known him via mail, but it's gotten to the point where I actually feel like I've known him for a very long time (okay I know I don't make sense here, but I hope someone understands what I mean!). Anyway, in his recent letter that I received (Tues 28th Feb), he opened up to me alot about his feelings for me. We both know we like each other, but that was the first time he really said it out, and he said that he was "already committed" to me. And I think I panicked and wrote back a long letter telling him amongst other things not to say such a thing as being "committed" to me because to me it means a long-term relationship and I don't know if he's serious about one or even meant that, that he had 4 girlfriends before and maybe I'm just another one but he'll be my first boyfriend and that means alot to me, that he could be playing me and be sweet-talking other females and I wouldn't know it etc. I know I sound insecure and distrustful of him, but I trust him as a friend, it's just that when my heart is involved (and which has never been given away), I tend to over-protect it:/

So I sent my reply on Thurs, 1st March, with a heavy feeling that maybe I was being too insecure and over-emotional about the whole thing. Then on Fri, 2nd March, I got a surprise extra letter from him (that he sent Mon, 27th Feb). He said that in my previous letter, I wrote that I "hate snail mail for the first time because it takes so long for us to hear from each other" (true lol) and he said, "so I decided to send you a letter to let you know that no matter what, you're being thought of, and I hope this small letter helps the long wait you have to go through to hear back from me". Enclosed with the letter were 3 childhood photos, and he wrote this:

"Those pictures are very special to me Eltaria, cause it's when I was so innocent and naive to everything, all I knew was love and happiness... and skateboarding But I want you to have them. I know they may be stupid, but like I said, they're very special to me, and I do hope you like them. They're all a part of my past when I was truly happy, so there you go Eltaria, you hold a part of me now, and a part of my past as well. No one I know but my mom has ever seen those pictures. And I debated sending them to you, but I really wanted you to have them, for whatever reason, I don't know, something deep down in me told me to give them to you. I guess cause they mean so much to me, and so do you Eltaria, so I wanted you to have them."

Can you imagine how absolutely CRAPPY I felt about the letter I sent back to him??? I broke down when I read the above paragraph, I was really that touched. Thing is, while I believe he is sincere about me, my best friends have been telling me all kinds of doubts and worries that it's starting to waver my belief. And I don't blame their fears because I know they're just very worried about me and are trying to protect me. So I genuinely want someone's honest feedback on what they think is happening. Giving 3 childhood photos like that, is it a big thing for a prisoner? Or anyone for that matter? Does it mean anything to you? To me it is a big gesture on his part, but to my friends it's not, so I don't know what to think.

I really, really appreciate your help. If you've even made it this far, thank you for reading my longass rambling post. You can tell just how confused I am about my whole situation. And also, as I'm only 21 this year, I think I'm not too experienced with this life and love thing, so I'm sincerely seek your help.

Thank you so much!

okay, i DO know how you feel. i was there once lol. i was one of many girlfriends/mwi's of "my" man it seems and i just had enough, especially since i noticed some members here were posting things that sounded way to much like him.(i have no firm evidence so i won't say who's post i'm referring to. as far as the goodies go, prison art is somewhat alike across the board, so it's possible to have very similar art work cards gifted to us.) there are some that are cold and calculating in there manipulation of friends/family/penpals/mwi's. then there are some that are sincere in the things they write and say to you. there's really no way to know the truth untill it comes out...one way or the other. you are NOT alone in your feelings though and yes, we here at w.a.p. will try to help in any way we can. i would just sit down and write him about how you feel,and how your concerned that he could be playing you. it's not like inmates using people is unheard of.i'm pretty sure he will understand your worries.

You just have to go with your instinct. You don't have to make any decisions that you don't feel comfortable making now. You can take your time and see where things go. LIke you, I never planned on having feelings for my pp and it happened. However, I am being very cautious and taking things very slow. He's going to be in for a long time and I'm across the country for him so it's not like we have to make any decisions right now. As with any relationship, you are taking a risk and hoping that this person is who he presents himself to be. Yes, there are users in prison but there are also sincere guys who are very genuine.

Him sending you childhood pictures is sweet, but don't base too much on that one gesture. Only time can really tell his true intentions, plus is he the kind of guy that seems genuine? Your gut will tell you that, but also little things, like is he consistent in what he writes, does he tell you about good and bad things that are happening? Is he truthful about his crimes, etc.

Honestly, other than time and behaviour there is no proper way of determining someones intentions. I have known my PP a very short amount of time, but he has done many things that suggest that he is a good guy.

Oh, and I will also say that being 20, proceed very slowly. You say this is your first bf... well, in my honest opinion this should not be the type of relationship that is your first. Especially if he is doing a very long sentence. MWI relationships are hard, and you will be missing out on so many wonderful first time experiences.

Originally Posted by drinkwater

You say this is your first bf... well, in my honest opinion this should not be the type of relationship that is your first. Especially if he is doing a very long sentence. MWI relationships are hard, and you will be missing out on so many wonderful first time experiences.

I agree 100%

I think he means well. The sending of the childhood photos is to prove to you that you are the only one. Think about it. He will only have one set of those photos. They are unique. So he can't send them to anyone else. Whereas the same card from the commissary could be sent to any number of women. I know they like people to look at their childhood photos. When my man went inside for the first time during our relationship he told his mother to give me his childhood photos. He told me that he wanted me to have them so that I wouldn't always see him as a criminal (not that I ever did but they do panic about our reactions). I much preferred the more recent photos that I had of us together before he was picked up but he was adamant that I should have these childhood photos so I accepted them graciously from his mother.

I would stick to your feelings and tell him you are not ready for this kind of a relationship yet. It's hard dealing with someone in prison at any age, regardless of the number of previous partners either has had.

Did his profile mention anything about looking for a relationship/romance/that 'special person'? He might be disappointed if his profile said he was looking for a girlfriend/someone to correspond with romantically and then you decide you just want to be friends. He could feel confused.

Okay I just realised I've put this thread up in the randomest of places where it does not belong! Lol!
But to februarymoon, no, his profile said that he was looking for new friends to help him pass through this negative time of his life, that's one reason why I wrote him, because I wasn't interested in anything more than friendship.