So I've been writing to my pen pal since Sept 09 and we really opened up to each other. He told me so many deeply personal things, and I shared as well. We wrote long long letters and clicked in so many ways. From the beginning I told him I could not handle the idea of a romantic relationship, and that whatever was between us absolutely had to stay platonic.

I don't know if I developed deeper feelings for him, but over time I could see that he was exhibiting the signs of attachment to me. Wow, even typing that makes me feel like a horrible ***ch again. But.. anway.. so finally the letter came. He bared his soul to me about how much he loved me. It wasn't unexpected, we'd been writing for a year about very open and personal things. Instead of gently saying "You're a great guy but I am not looking for a man" I got mad. I felt betrayed that he had pushed beyond the line I drew for us.

I basically let him have it. He wrote back saying that I was superficial and only didn't want him because he couldn't "do me" and that he wouldn't care if I did it with 100 guys, because he just wanted my heart. That made me even more mad. He called me a s*** basically. So I let him have it again. I tried to not go off, but we'd always been sooooo open and honest that I just told him exactly what I thought about his declaration.

After that I wrote him the next day again and tried to steer a conversation back to what we'd been talking about in depth before his love letter. I'd agreed to send a recommendation letter to his warden about why he deserved to be released back into general population etc. I didn't mind doing that for him, I wanted always to help him anyway I could.

Well long story short, he never wrote back. Because he's in high security I gave it 4 weeks, and still heard nothing. I called the prison, he was able to receive/send letters. I wrote a short note apologizing and taking my blame... nothing. Now it's 3 months later and I'm just devastated. Is there anything I could do to fix this? Or should I just move on and try not to make the same mistake in the future?

Ah, I'm so sorry. Here's what hit me soon as I read your post.

"If" this gets a chance with him or anyone else again my thought was to gentle it up. I've seen people on here get mad when their pen pal develops feelings even after they said no to that. Well, the fact is that the heart is not governable by being told to not feel things!!! It feels things!!

So if his did and it wasn't where you wanted to go, that's your right of course, but yeah... perhaps maybe gently reminding him that you're not going there and there's no chance.

I'm sure he's hurt and is trying to move on and it this point may feel that communications from you just open the scab. I'm really sorry to say that because I do wish that people could not have to go through that together and instead could say, hey, I screwed up, let me try that again and not be afraid and not be harsh and not be angry, etc.

I hope that you will get a chance with him if it's meant to be, to salvage a sweet friendship. It's so hard. But if not... know that maybe if a guy develops feelings for you he's not doing it to be a jerk or go against your wishes, but because he's human. Peace to you and most importantly, forgive yourself if you did feel you screwed up past the point of no return here. We ALL do that sometimes in life.

I think you need to move on and let the guy be. All this "can't we still be friends" stuff just prolongs the torment for them.

Its very hard, if not impossible for most people to return to 'just being friends' if they have fallen in love with someone. Its rather telling that he almost gave you permission to sleep around, if you would just give him your heart Poor guy, I'm feeling it a bit for him after reading this post. You really cannot help who you fall in love with and it either being reciprocated or not doesn't usually change a thing. I think he's not responding because he doesn't want to be just friends, he loves you, he wants you to love him. Poor guy, I really do think it would be best for you to put this one down to experience and move on, I think that would be kinder for him.

Moving on would be the easiest of things to do but sometimes its not as simple as that..If it was me id want to try to make peace with him before i moved on anyway. He feels rejected and his feelings are hurt...its best to let him get over that in his own time.
Even getting closure here will help...if it was me is send a letter pretty much every week or a notecard..just something to let him know I was sorry and ask him to write back even if its just a few lines to let you know hes ok. Good luck

yes,like Fee,I would write to him from time to time,saying sorry and that you still care about him deeply.You risk nothing doing this,forgive you first then write to him.
I hope that you will make it,it is always sad to loose a friendship...keep us posted allright??
HUGS

If its been three months and no contact then maby it is best to put it down to experinace and move on, but he will find it hard to write to somone who doesnt feel the same way,however if you really really dont want to give up then a letter or card to let him know that you are sorry (again) as he may have still been upset when he recieved your first letter of apologie. I know from experiance that when my ppl doesnt write or email me for a while then hes having a bad day and i have to remmeber its the enviroment he is in not becasue he doesn want to

Look at it from his point of view: he bared his soul to you and had it thrown back in his face. He tries to draw a line under the experience, but every time he thinks he is over you, another card or another letter arrives. It's like dangling a piece of chocolate on a string in front of a child, letting them see and smell it, but never letting them taste it.

It's hard but sometimes I think we have to think of their feelings as a priority. We started writing to make THEM feel better. If you go on writing when he wants to draw a line, it's because of your own feelings, which is pretty egoistic in my opinion.
I think I should write him one more time and tell about my feelings and ask him if he wants to stop the contact and respect what he says (or doesn't).

I know it must be hard. But that's what you get for going mad at someone who just expresses feelings
I'm sorry for you. And him.

I like what Vix has to say...maybe write one more time to try to get the closure you need. That would help you immensly to get that.Kinda changed my mind a wee bit from earlier tbh. What Id still do is ask him to write and tell you if hes ok then leave it at that...im thinking about his feelings now and earlier think i was being a bit selfish.