I ruined everything.
So I've been writing to my pen pal since Sept 09 and we really opened up to each other. He told me so many deeply personal things, and I shared as well. We wrote long long letters and clicked in so many ways. From the beginning I told him I could not handle the idea of a romantic relationship, and that whatever was between us absolutely had to stay platonic.
I don't know if I developed deeper feelings for him, but over time I could see that he was exhibiting the signs of attachment to me. Wow, even typing that makes me feel like a horrible ***ch again. But.. anway.. so finally the letter came. He bared his soul to me about how much he loved me. It wasn't unexpected, we'd been writing for a year about very open and personal things. Instead of gently saying "You're a great guy but I am not looking for a man" I got mad. I felt betrayed that he had pushed beyond the line I drew for us.
I basically let him have it. He wrote back saying that I was superficial and only didn't want him because he couldn't "do me" and that he wouldn't care if I did it with 100 guys, because he just wanted my heart. That made me even more mad. He called me a s*** basically. So I let him have it again. I tried to not go off, but we'd always been sooooo open and honest that I just told him exactly what I thought about his declaration.
After that I wrote him the next day again and tried to steer a conversation back to what we'd been talking about in depth before his love letter. I'd agreed to send a recommendation letter to his warden about why he deserved to be released back into general population etc. I didn't mind doing that for him, I wanted always to help him anyway I could.
Well long story short, he never wrote back. Because he's in high security I gave it 4 weeks, and still heard nothing. I called the prison, he was able to receive/send letters. I wrote a short note apologizing and taking my blame... nothing. Now it's 3 months later and I'm just devastated. Is there anything I could do to fix this? Or should I just move on and try not to make the same mistake in the future?
"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
"There are some that only employ words for the purpose of disguising their thoughts."