Here I am again, posting another thread on how confused I feel dramadramadrama and I'm sorry. But you are the only people in the world that are more or less able to feel what I feel, and that's why I really need to say it here. I've been talking to Xray about this all and he's been so nice and very helpful, but there's some kind of lump in my troat and it makes that I want to friggin' shout and that's why I need to talk about it here.

I think I've written the last letter to my pp a couple of days ago. It's almost been more than two months since his last letter (I have sent him my answer a couple of days later, later on I've sent the card I talked about because I didn't hear from him and last Friday I've mailed him another letter) and I have no idea what to think anymore. The only thing I know is that I feel hurt. And angry at times. Most of the time I feel hurt instead of angry, but sometimes it's the other way around. When I wrote him my first letter, I never thought about becoming so attached to him and that I would feel so... broken I guess now that this is happening. I looked up his profile again this morning to see if something changed and I couldn't look at his picture, it made the lump in my troat grow bigger and bigger and I knew I would start crying if I would stay on his profile.
As Xray said: it doesn't have to be over yet, but I don't know for how long I should keep my hopes up. It's just that... I haven't given him any reason to stop writing. The fact that I am so in the dark and don't know what happened is burying me alive or something.

I am sorry. I know that doesn't really do squat to help you feel better however. If I were you, I would continue to send cards or short notes to show that you care and that you aren't giving up easily. As I have read here soooooo many times on WAP things can happen to the inmates to hinder their letter writing soooooo, it could be happening that he is in trouble and cannot or will write right now and if you continue to write to him it will show that YOU are still in his corner! You could also journal. Then, when he does write back and you two are re-established again you can ask him if he would like to have a copy of your journal pages..so he can see and feel how you felt when he wasn't in your life. He can then see how much you care about him...perhaps he doesn't know just HOW much he means to you. So I would continue to send a card a week for a set amount of time..whatever "works" for you...for another month maybe??

is in trouble and cannot or will not write right now...is what I meant to say

Oh that sounds like a good idea. I actually already have a LJ and sometimes I go there to write down my frustration. I already decided to send him a birthdaycard anyway, but maybe I should keep on sending him things to let him know that I'm still here and won't go anywhere (it won't be a very good idea I guess if he voluntarily stopped writing me, but we'll see).

it doesn't matter in the end if you write now and he doesn't reply later. By writing to him now it will give you a healthy way to deal with it all and at the same time let him know you are right there with him. If he does not reply at all, no harm done and maybe you will be in a better space in a couple weeks to move on and maybe find another person who WILL appreciate you and answer your letters...One step at a time. Perhaps he is bumming or depressed because he is in prison for yet another birthday and it just really is hitting him hard?

You are right and I'm gonna start right away (LJ, not a letter. I should wait a while before sending another one), I really have so much to say.

THANK YOU!

Originally Posted by luvacat

it doesn't matter in the end if you write now and he doesn't reply later. By writing to him now it will give you a healthy way to deal with it all and at the same time let him know you are right there with him. If he does not reply at all, no harm done and maybe you will be in a better space in a couple weeks to move on and maybe find another person who WILL appreciate you and answer your letters...One step at a time. Perhaps he is bumming or depressed because he is in prison for yet another birthday and it just really is hitting him hard?

This could be a possibility btw

Originally Posted by Pip

Here I am again, posting another thread on how confused I feel dramadramadrama and I'm sorry. But you are the only people in the world that are more or less able to feel what I feel, and that's why I really need to say it here. I've been talking to Xray about this all and he's been so nice and very helpful, but there's some kind of lump in my troat and it makes that I want to friggin' shout and that's why I need to talk about it here.

I think I've written the last letter to my pp a couple of days ago. It's almost been more than two months since his last letter (I have sent him my answer a couple of days later, later on I've sent the card I talked about because I didn't hear from him and last Friday I've mailed him another letter) and I have no idea what to think anymore. The only thing I know is that I feel hurt. And angry at times. Most of the time I feel hurt instead of angry, but sometimes it's the other way around. When I wrote him my first letter, I never thought about becoming so attached to him and that I would feel so... broken I guess now that this is happening. I looked up his profile again this morning to see if something changed and I couldn't look at his picture, it made the lump in my troat grow bigger and bigger and I knew I would start crying if I would stay on his profile.
As Xray said: it doesn't have to be over yet, but I don't know for how long I should keep my hopes up. It's just that... I haven't given him any reason to stop writing. The fact that I am so in the dark and don't know what happened is burying me alive or something.

Drama drama happens unfortunatley when writing inamtes as the scenario happening to you. The drama that is between members is non productive here which occurrs now and then, big difference.

I understand how hopeless not knowing and being left hanging can be with no explanations to help. If you were not so far away, the first thing I would do is call the prison, that could give enough information to be of help, or more insight to waht may be going on.

Maybe you know someone you trust with information, to call for you whom lives in the US or his state?
Would be a beginning possibly?

Just a thought for the tough situation your left in/with......?

Oh I have contacted the prison. And she told me that there wasn't anything out of the ordinary as in: no lockdown, no segregation. I also tried to call his counselor, but the message on her voicemail told me that she couldn't provide any personal information on an inmate. So the possibility to call ended right there. My best friend happens to be in Canada, so she is closer to him than I am, but considering his counselor... I don't think it makes any difference. The only way to contact him personally is when he calls ME or when I call him.

Sorry to hear that Pip, but i think its not good to write a card every week, iff your sure that everything is oke with him, maybe he needs some space ore some time off, i know its hard but i think the best thing is to wait, maybe a card for his birthday is oke