This past week my guy reminded me that he will be getting released in EXACTLY a year! I'm am literally freaking out and all nervous about it. We have had the most awesome relationship. We have had our ups and downs. We always communicate well and work things out. We definitely have plans of a future together. Just here's my dilemma.....

I have a job where in the past a transfer to Texas would be no problem. However, with the economy in the toilet the way it is I'm probably not going to be able to secure a transfer anytime soon. Unfortunately I make too much money to quit my job as an option and get a job in Texas. So we will be forced to carry on a long distance relationship via phone calls, emails and I do get approx 8 weeks a year between vacation and sick time so I will be able to fly down for lots of looooong weekends.

I think it may be a good thing I can't transfer right away. Will give us time to get to know each other on the outside instead of just moving intogether right away. I'm very realisitic in my thinking that he has alot of adjustments he needs to make personally. but I'm just curious if anyone has ever gone through this type of transition before and/or any opinions on success rate or how to make it successful?

Originally Posted by Iluvmytxpp

This past week my guy reminded me that he will be getting released in EXACTLY a year! I'm am literally freaking out and all nervous about it. We have had the most awesome relationship. We have had our ups and downs. We always communicate well and work things out. We definitely have plans of a future together. Just here's my dilemma.....

I have a job where in the past a transfer to Texas would be no problem. However, with the economy in the toilet the way it is I'm probably not going to be able to secure a transfer anytime soon. Unfortunately I make too much money to quit my job as an option and get a job in Texas. So we will be forced to carry on a long distance relationship via phone calls, emails and I do get approx 8 weeks a year between vacation and sick time so I will be able to fly down for lots of looooong weekends.

I think it may be a good thing I can't transfer right away. Will give us time to get to know each other on the outside instead of just moving intogether right away. I'm very realisitic in my thinking that he has alot of adjustments he needs to make personally. but I'm just curious if anyone has ever gone through this type of transition before and/or any opinions on success rate or how to make it successful?

WOW! I didn't even finish my post and somehow it posted.....

I'm just worried with me not being there daily he might not be totally satisfied and look elsewhere if you know what I mean. :a3_4_20: just thinking about it.

I'm going to be 100% honest...in my opinion it will not work.

Normally I am all for long distance relationships, all of my long term relationships were LDR's! However - he is just getting out of prison, I don't know how long he has been down for but when he gets out he will want to try things he couldn't do before and will need time to adjust. it will probably go well for a few weeks or months then it will all end badly. I just think that he will need a good support there for him when he gets out, the first few months will be really tough and although your phone calls, letters, etc are enough when hes behind bars, he will need more in the free world. Maybe i'm wrong, i'm sure other people will disagree. I guess you'll never know until you give it a shot though, right?

There is absolutely no way of knowing unless you try. I think it would definitely be really, really hard. Long distance relationships take two extremely cooperative people in order to work and they both have to stay cooperative. Dwindling cooperation could be the ultimate throw into the toilet. I've done long distance times and it was taxing but worked. I think you should give it a try if you're both determined to make it work. I think I agree with Letxgo on the fact that he may need a lot of emotional support that you wouldn't be able to give from far away. Is he the strong type of person that can really stand on his own? Even if he is now, I don't think even he really knows how he will be when he gets out. Emotions are really strong and strange like that. I wish you and your pal luck in whatever you ultimately decide!

Originally Posted by Iluvmytxpp

WOW!
I'm just worried with me not being there daily he might not be totally satisfied and look elsewhere if you know what I mean. :a3_4_20: just thinking about it.

If you are both genuinely committed to each other, no matter what walks past, no matter what catches his eye, it will all work out. Just as i am sure their has been times another has caught your eye. Some people no matter the distance will always be committed. I am sure if you plan it and can be their for a few weeks together when he is initially released, you will know without a doubt what will happen when you go back home. It really depends on who he is as a man, his beliefs and commitment to you, his expectations etc.

To be honest if he can't keep it together with out you beside him, then do you really have what you thought you did anyway? It's a good opportunity for him to put what he has verbalized into action and SHOW you, your the one he wants to spend his life with. Time will tell, but my advice is talk to him, let him know how you are feeling. You may find the emotions you are going through now, he has been through too inside locked up wondering how long you will stick around for or who has caught your eye, if the restrictions are too much for you, is the distance a problem etc. Honestly i am sure if the truth be told he has had the same thoughts at one time

Originally Posted by smiley

If you are both genuinely committed to each other, no matter what walks past, no matter what catches his eye, it will all work out. Just as i am sure their has been times another has caught your eye. Some people no matter the distance will always be committed. I am sure if you plan it and can be their for a few weeks together when he is initially released, you will know without a doubt what will happen when you go back home. It really depends on who he is as a man, his beliefs and commitment to you, his expectations etc.

To be honest if he can't keep it together with out you beside him, then do you really have what you thought you did anyway? It's a good opportunity for him to put what he has verbalized into action and SHOW you, your the one he wants to spend his life with. Time will tell, but my advice is talk to him, let him know how you are feeling. You may find the emotions you are going through now, he has been through too inside locked up wondering how long you will stick around for or who has caught your eye, if the restrictions are too much for you, is the distance a problem etc. Honestly i am sure if the truth be told he has had the same thoughts at one time

I am so totally committed to him. Distance isn't a problem. I can hop on a plane at pretty much a moment's notice. We acutually did touch on this subject briefly at the beginning of our relationship. He told me that he has gone so long of a stretch that sex isn't a priority for him when he is released. too many other things to concentrate on so he will be there waiting for me. Think he was trying to make me comfotable in pursuing a relationship with him. I was comfortable but NOW that it's getting closer I'm freaking out! Just don't want to set myself up for disappointment. You know what I mean? Guess I have so much invested now I just have to see it through. And hope for the best.

I really do know where you are coming from believe me, but you will drive yourself insane if you continue to worry about the *what if's* so instead try to have faith and belief in your man and the relationship you share. Know he will do good, trust and believe it will all work out and kick the doubts to the side. As the saying goes.....

"Trust in your hopes, not your fears."

Sex is just that sex, it's cheap and you can get it any where from anyone most often than not, even inside with some female guards as many will tell you. But to touch someone you love is a whole different ball game, you have a great deal invested emotionally and i am sure your mate knows that. Remember he has CHOSEN to be with YOU, NO ONE can take your place, yeh sure he can be with another, but if he really wants you, then he will do what it takes and if it means waiting, then i am sure he has had lots of practice, just as you have had by the time he is released. Give him a little credit for who he is today.

if you plan it and can be their for a few weeks together when he is initially released, you will know without a doubt what will happen when you go back home

I think this is a really good idea. That would at least give you a good start on things.

long distance relationships are almost always doomed to fail. I'm not trying to bum you out though. so I'm not a big meanie or whatever.
but you'll never know if it could have worked out, if you don't try

Love reading your posts smiley, very wise indeed!!