Hello !

I am a new membership ! I have been reading a part of your messages for few months already and your related experiences here are instructive and greatly helpful.

I’am corresponding with 3 people right now, 2 of them seem to me honest and just want that some people think about them sometimes. Whatever they did, they are lovely and keep kindness in their heart despite the difficulties and harshness of prison life (unfortunalelty, they are in sentence life...).

On the other hand, I wouldn’t say the same for the third one. At the begining, I enjoyed very much his letters, in addition, he wrote me with a well-elocution. Nonetheless, he stepwise insisted on his material difficulties, his latest mail still got on to his material problems. I guess and I start to realize that he wants me to send him money. I know him since 5 months only and he sent me 5 letters altogether, the 3 latest stressed on his bad living conditons... but I didn’t want that the relationship based only in kindness finally shows to be only materialistic relationship. He told me that he get less and less money owing to the new policy of prison, according to him, the prison sharply reduce their earnings/hour, price commissary items increase a lot ...etc..

I am a bit confused. At the begining I thought he replied to my first letter to become friend but I ‘ve some doubts right now and I wonder if he eventually seeks for money or packages from internet rather than “my” friendship. I am not saying that he is really a scammer, it ‘s just the recent feeling I ‘ve got reading his latest letters. Moreover, he pretended to be a very honest person, protecting the weakest people inside the prison from rapists..., but now I just wonder if all that is true or just a story to touch me, just a complete fabrication in order to get move me to pity and send him something consequently ?
I would be a bit disappointed if my apprehensions come true. Nevertheless I keep in my mind I ‘ve two other good pen-pals, who never require me anything ...except letter until now which I like to send them.

Is Something like that happened ever for you, how did you feel in front of a such situation and above all, what did you do ?

(Sorry for being long! )

Sorry, I wrote fastly in my first paragraph ! I would like to say : " I correspond with 3 people until now " and not " I am corresponding with 3 people " .

I never experienced that because I dont have any penpals yet but if I were in that situation....I dont think I would jump to any conclusions. Maybe he isnt seeking money he may just want to vent about his situation. If it came down to them just asking for money I would just explain I dont really have the money to send and then if they stop writting I would know that is all they wanted, if they keep writting then I guess they want more than just money.

~Angela

Sadly, it happens. For many reasons lack of support from family, in ability to survive on the what the system provides, in ability to manage what you have and it could be greed.

You should not feel obligated to support your pal by financial means. They list an add seeking pen-pals/friends. Friendship does not mean you are a financial institution.

Some guys/gals mean no harm by mentioning the things they want, or need, or would really like to have, while some will push and push to see how far they can get.

My advise is not to send any money this soon in a friendship, as the majority of times it so soon will lead to your kind heart being taken advantage of.

I'm agreeiying with bigheart and skye here.
I think I just have the luck with my penpals, one of my penpals his parents and sister died, so he has no one, I'm the first person who is writing him in the years he's been there. he tells me it's hard to get by, he's just venting cause he's says don't worry about me if you don't get a letter fast then I just need to get something I need from the money I get.
and then I'm the one calling him to slow down hahaha, cause he's sending all of this cards with his letter in it, and I know the cards are expensive for him. so I'm just glad he's happy and all but I'm trying to slow him down I don't want to have on my consious that he can't get himself hygiene stuff and all ^^;

hope you can see where I'm getting to with my story :P
but they know if they ask about something I will tell them what I think.
but if I were you I wouldn't send money to him, because as the reason skye said.
if you think it is ok then you can do it, but now you don't and I was thaught if something doesn't feel good don't do it!

It's good to have doubt's. If it were me, I would not send anything and let it play out, until you can confirm the doubts to facts.

I believe so far, his playing on how he protects the weakest inside, is trying to find yor weakness. lol Appears so this far.

I've had the same thing happened to me.
I don't think I will send my PP any money til i think the time is right.

I'm just going to see what really is going on with mine first.

May be I‘ve became a little bit supicious for sure...but as I said before, I read messages from this forum before writing to them. That was very instrutive and I think that everyone wanting to write to an inmate should go through a litte bit this forum before writing, just a thought...

As far as he is concerned, his mails are getting increasingly insistent on his material situation, and more and more horrendous regarding his health, above all the latest mail (almost to make me feel guily if I don’t send money or something). What I am asking is I cannot know if it is true or not. Since 5 months (since I have been writing), his situation is getting worse and worse; almost a complete nightmare, according to him. (only him, not the other pen-pals I have).
When I replied to his letters, I tried to speak about other matters, I mean “What he plans to do when he will be released” (this one is not in sentence life), “what does he do to pass time”, I introduce paris for a long while etc.... but his replies are focused on his material situation, half of the letter now (at the begining, just one paragraph). Indeed, he never required money directly, but I guess there is lot of way to require something.
He required me at the start to send him pictures of me, (which I did !) and then pictures of Paris, (which I did!) and now he want pictures of my flat. .. 30 pictures within 5 months are not enought so...

3 months ago, another pen-pal put an end to our correspondance. He required me to send him sometimes “packages” to be ordered from Internet, 2 months after starting writing to him. I answered him : “sorry, it’s not the relationship I wanted” and then, he wrote me back telling me that he didn’t want to write me anymore (nevertheless, he did that very properly and he told me that he appreciated the time I spent in writing to him). At least, he made no secret of it and I appreciated his honesty very much.

Nevertheless, even though I am not willing to send him money for personal reasons, I do not consider mysefl like selfish for all that (I am not saying that I will never send some money to anyone, but if that happen, it has to be at my own initiative). There are things I did for them like sending a printed calendar, (thank to the link given by Pennylanne) or telling them how many people looked at their ad (one of them has his ad on another website, sorry !). I am ready to do things like that.

Please, I do not say that people requiring money are scammer or something like that for all that, but an inmate writing to somenone hoping getting money, without granting importance to that person as individual, is something I can’t deal with. I have the impression is what happen for me currently. With hindsight sometimes, I think that he probably doesn’t mind at all about me, he just tries to make me believe I am his friend whereas he can see me as a provider of money or packages...

I don’t want to focus my messages on bad points.... Fortuantely, I’ve two other good pen-pals (sentence life) and that people are transparent to me. I know their living conditions are taugh but they never stressed on. They speak and write about what they do in the facility (their job), the books they are used to read or the author or musci group they like...I am positive I will send something to them one day. But not to whom requiring to send it...

Seems to me you have enough red flags which add up to facts. Enjoy the real pen friends you have, let this one drift off

You’re right. it’s what I am going to do. I am going to stop this brainstorming. I will not probably reply to his latest letter. I don’t tkink I am making a mistake.
Writing to 2 pen pals yet demands plenty of time, if you want to send proper letters each time obviously.