Hi guys,
i have lots of PP's but there is one that i have really let myself get attached to!!
He is never going to be released and i live in England so nothing is ever really going to happen but i was on another forum and i stumbled across another girl who has made him a website and proclaiming love for my PP. Its been bothering me all weekend!! My first thoughts are to let him carry on and not say anything because any bit of happiness he is getting is fine with me but i do really care about him and (stupid as i sound) i thought he cared for me too. Advice please ...........i just feel a bit stupid!! I can get past this thou and i will keep writing to him whatever happens xxx

Lizie,

From your posts (this one and previous ones) I couldn't really tell the nature of your friendship with your special pp. You care for him, but I don't know if there were talks of being exclusive or anything like that. You say that you'll be able to get past it and that you can continue writing to him. If things were being flirty between the both of you, but nothing exclusive, then maybe you could just take a step back. You don't even have to tell him that you came across the other website. Just be less flirty and continue to talk to him as a friend. If you had talks about being exclusive, and it was a real relationship, then I think you should confront him about what you found out and take it from there.

Just be glad you stumbled across the other website and that you have both of your feet back on the ground again. It's okay to feel a connection with someone, but at least now you know not to get carried away with this one. Best of luck to you!

I agree with zosja. If you continue to write then it's best to cool it with him and write only as a pp. Yeah I know it hurts, especially if he was playing you. It's good that you found out now rather than later. Of course if there WAS a committment between you then it looks like he is a player and you don't want anything to do with a man like that anyway. At least I wouldn't.

Much luck. Foxy

Hi Liz,,, your certainly not stupid at all,,,it is easy to get attached to some pps,,,now you know how to deal with your feelings,,, being a lifer and the situation I would just leave it alone as far as what you know now....it is all he will have and as you know could never be more than letters for anyone,,,, with the circumstances,,,it also puts you in more control now to the oncoming future letters and emotional ,,, and steps you need to take...that are right for you....

Everyone is different but, if I were to inmagine it was me inside for life,,, unforunately I too,, would probably mean the love I feel for the ones I write ,,,I would need all I could get,,, all I could have to make it thru...just my feelings with switching up spots,, the outside pp has all opportunity to eventually move on to love and life for real..........

Hi Lizie,
Im sorry that your feeling upset about your special pal and I feel even sorrier that his other pal could be potentially hurt as she seems to be serious about him. I would say that the way I read your post was that you havn't invested an awful lot into your special friendship. What I mean by that is that your 'technically' not couple(or are you?) and as you pointed out you live way away and the chances of it developing into something more is quite slim. I would prehaps keep schtum and cool it a little. It does hurt but at least you know now rather than a year or so down the line.

~Angelita~

I would like to help Lizie but you haven't supplied enough info for me to ascertain whether you should be upset or not, thereby allowing me to give you the best advice I can. If you could answer a couple of questions, such as if you both declared your feelings for one another, or had some kind of commitment above and beyond a friendship, or if you personally were just hoping that it would turn into something longer lasting, that would help me. Not coming down on ya or anything - just need a little more info.

I do agree with you on not letting on you know anything to your pal until you've sorted through these thoughts and feelings first. I know that sometimes the first thing I want to do is fire off a heartfelt, emotional letter if one of my pals fire me up about something but it's always wiser to gather yourself together first before picking up that pen. Good for you.

MIR

agony aunty Sozja!!!!

Lizie there's some good advice here I think - and am glad to hear that you will still continue to write to your pal...

Originally Posted by M.I.R.

If you could answer a couple of questions, such as if you both declared your feelings for one another, or had some kind of commitment above and beyond a friendship, or if you personally were just hoping that it would turn into something longer lasting, that would help me. Not coming down on ya or anything - just need a little more info.


MIR

hi, thanks for or the replies. i guess i let myself get swept along with things. I haven't said i love you but my penpal has and even asked me to marry him.
M.I.R i guess i have got carried away with things and after alot of thought my answer is in my heart of heart no i didn't think this would really turn into something.
Truth be know i was just a bit gutted!! No one likes to be decieved. I am going to continue to write, cool things off and keep my mouth shut. I do wish him any happiness he can get and i see no point in saying anything because my pride was a bit hurt. I think all in all this was a bit of a lesson for me which i will apply to any future pen pals!!
Thanks for hearing me out thou guys xx

Originally Posted by gobbi

agony aunty Sozja!!!!

Thppppppttttttt!

MIR

Thanks for the additional info, Lizie. Considering your pal stated his feelings for you and then asked you to marry him, I certainly see why you would feel gutted and a little confused about it all. This is an “ouchie, that hurts” for sure, and I feel bad for you. All is not lost yet – however, knowing what I know now, I rather think you do deserve an explanation.

The situation could be as innocent as her volunteering her talents to set up a website for him to get his story out and then it blossomed into something else for her alone. You mentioned that the other woman has stated her feelings for him but it doesn’t sound like she’s made a “we are in love” declaration, more like an “I’m in love.” It sounds one-sided and it could be that your pal doesn’t know about her true feelings. However, it seems somewhat strange that he wouldn’t have mentioned her creating the site to you if there wasn’t something else going on.

Another (remote) possibility is that he doesn’t know about the site – hard to believe, but it could be. Could also be that he’s flirting with her a little in order to get his website up and running, but not really meaning anything by it. Could also be that he’s trying to grab your attention, since you’ve stated you haven’t outwardly reciprocated his feelings to you.

In any case, certain declarations have been made and unless they’re stated in an offhand manner, they are of a serious nature and mean something. My best advice is to keep on doing what you’re doing; take some time to gather yourself together while in the meantime keeping everything status quo with him. Once you feel you have yourself in hand, print out a copy of the website and mail it to him, casually asking him about it. Not in a confrontational manner, mind you, but I would state that I ran across it and was curious about it.

Good luck, Lizie, and please keep us posted.

MIR