Some short funny story's or short jokes to
put here,,, so myself, as well as other's can print and send to them some group WAP, "smiles & laughs to brighten their days??????????????

A path winding across the horizon
over mountains, across seas
through blue skies and gray
never ceasing, continuous.
My love for you.

I don't think you will
ever fully understand
how you've touched my life
and made me who I am.

I don't think you could ever know
just how truly special you are
that even on the darkest nights
you are my brightest star.

I don't think you will ever fully comprehend
how you've made my dreams come true
or how you've opened my heart
to love and the wonders it can do.

You've allowed me to experience
something very hard to find
unconditional love that exists
in my body, soul, and mind.

I don't think you could ever feel
all the love I have to give
and I'm sure you'll never realize
you've been my will to live.

You are an amazing person
and without you I don't know where I'd be.
Having you in my life
completes and fulfills every part of me.

Into my world
of darkness and silence,
you brought light and music.

When you lit my candle,
I began to see and understand
the taste and texture of love.

For the first time

A Horse, A Chicken & A Harley
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.
One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there IS a moral!)

"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to
her husband, "I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly - pay me a
compliment".

The husband replies, "your eyesight's '****in' perfect".

Emotional Nudity
~unknown~

Take your soft and loving hands and

Remove the mantle of mistrust from my shoulders.

Softly unbutton the silken gown

Of regret from my skin.

Come my love and remove the veil

Of heartache from my face and

Kiss these lips that were ordained only for you.

Confiscate the jewels of deception from

My arms neck and ears-discard my fears.

Feel the fabric of the chemise

Of my misgivings and set me free from it.

Kiss my naked shoulders honeyed with newfound faith

Liberated from doubt and the threat of neglect and obscurity.

My darling go further south and

Remove the thongs of this world's

Hatred and prejudice from my hips and slide

Them slowly down to the floor where they can be no more.

Undress me until I am stripped bare of

The world's evil and tainted essence until like

The day of my birth, I emerge beautiful untouched- unpoisoned.

Let this nude daughter of Eve stand

Before you liberated from the negative-

Pure and positive and free to melt into your loving embrace.

THE NURSING HOME POLICE
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge
around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to
maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of them actually joined in. One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm
outstretched. STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV! lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold
popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of
insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink
coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "Carry on, ma'am." As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding his
"you-know-what" in his hand. Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not the
breathalyzer test again!


> Subject: Fluctuations

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange so I went to the currency exchange window at my local bank. I chose the shortest line, just one guy in front of me.
He was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated. He
asked the teller, "Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dolla fo yen? Today I get hunat eighty?" The teller says, "Fluctuations."

The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white guys too!"

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was
so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and
it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S *** OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered
the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES
PASTOR'S ***.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get
rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a
nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline
the next day: NUN HAS BEST *** IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get
rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS *** FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER *** IS WILD AND
FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is....being concerned about public opinion
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life... Stop worrying about everyone else's
*** and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Have a nice day!

A woman went to the doctor complaining of terrible stomach pains. The doctor asked her what her "routine" was like. She said "every day I wake at 6:15, eat breakfast at 7:15, after which i have terrible cramps until I have a bowel movement at 8:15." The doctor noted all of this and, after running some tests, he pronounced that she had 3 intestinal parasites and that an operation would be in order. Hearing this, the 3 worms held a meeting. One said "I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to hide behind the liver." Another said "I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to hide behind the heart." The third one said "I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to catch the 8:15 out of here!"

By the way silverparrot, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the "hung like a horse" and "eyesight" jokes!

After four long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to
summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on
the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking exercise, as it's the only
type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is some
danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events are put into motion:

1) The woman buys the food.

2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:

4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.

9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off". And, seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.