HEY, MOM!!

Oh, Mom, I have to tell you
What a crazy day I've had,
Please listen to my story
Cause I know you're sorta mad.

I was catchin' 'em old catfish
And had all that I could take,
When I saw a helpless baby
On a log there in the lake.

So I dove right in and saved it
And I struggled back to shore,
Just as I'd revived the baby's
When I heard the lion's roar.

Oh, I felt it's breath upon me,
Was so close it blew my hair
And I thought I was a goner
When up popped a grizzly bear.

That ole bear attacked the lion!
Hey! I had an awful scare
But all at once a space ship
Flew right down and landed there

Was a bunch of small green aliens,
About hundred funny guys,
Quickly grabbed the bear and lion
And took off into the skies.

Then the mom and dad showed up
And they took their baby home,
Why, here came a killer rooster
With an ugly big red comb.

So I changed where I was going.
Had ta take the long way round.
Soon I heard a big commotion
And this is what I found:

Wow! There wuz a hairy monster
That was hitting kids and stuff,
So I thrashed him with a big ole stick
Until he yelled, "Enough."

I should have called the sheriff
But I didn't take the time.
I left my fish and hurried home,
I was missin' dinnertime.

These things all took a little while,
I'm sure you can relate
So please warm my meat and taters,
Mom, I'm sorry that I'm late.

Unknown

Chocolate Math

Let's sum it up: I cannot add.
Finding a difference drives me mad.
I hate remainders and it's true,
Multiplication makes me blue.

Those plastic sticks just don't do it.
Who thought that up really blew it.
We'll do well with a new device,
These M&Ms will be real nice.

This subject now will be a treat
As Chocolate Math is really sweet!
I'll be an adder who never misses
While adding piles of chocolate kisses.

Here's a device found at the store:
Ten Tootsie Rolls, and I'll eat four.
Then I'll say, "I still have six."
With Chocolate Subtraction Tricks.

Now division can be done in haste
When it's done with a little taste.
With remainders I'll have a ball,
I'll pick them up and eat them all.

To multiply we will be able
To put some chocolate on the table.
Two candy bars times four are eight. (ate)
That product we'll assimilate.

If teachers would not preach and nag
But assign our homework from a bag,
All students could be math fanatics
By using Chocolate Mathematics.

Unknown

Frozen Willy
You may think that this is silly
But a ton of snow fell on poor Willy.
We dug him out, he stands there still.
Our family's proud of frozen Bill.

We won't worry cause here's the thing,
We'll let him stay there until Spring.
We'll listen closely then because,
We know he'll holler when he thaws.

Unknown