XRay...what you said was actually my first mental response as well!!! Ummm...I don't even KNOW you, dude!!! lol...i don't know why I didn't just TELL him that; I guess he just caught me offguard with that!

Gotta listen to your gut on this one.

You seem very shocked and (maybe) uncomfortable that he even asked. When in doubt, DON'T DO IT.

Of course, if you and your pp have a level of trust that you know is valid, than of course, make your plans on taking him in.

My pp is being paroled to me on June 12, 2005. I will be there to pick him up and we are both more than happy about it. Even my son is excited & calls him his stepdad. Of course, this is my situation and I'm not telling you or anyone to follow my lead. We plan on spending our lives together simply because we love and trust eachother.

Good luck to you!

Okay I come from the OLD SCHOOL. Huhhh, no first date, no first kiss, didn't ask to hold my hand, did ask to call me, (sigh of relief), I think that he is rushing me a little bit. {Fran takes pen in hand and does a little writing} Sincerely, Fran

Tess, I understand why you were shocked but know that many people on their way out are very needy and some have no family (or family who have given up on them) and nowhere to go. You can't blame a man for trying, can you? :-)

Hey all...bit of an update...i think..lol. I talked to this man again yesterday! Well, as it turns out, yes, he IS serious, hehehe!
What he's after is someone to share future plans with; we had a VERY good, long (oh God, my phone bill!!!) conversation, in which he told me explained a lot of things to me. He's not 'needy', as I might of thought, or wondered...he has an enormous family on the outside, who have stayed beside him this entire time. He did stay married to his wife for almost the first whole 7 years, which did impress me, as I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for himself AND her! But now he is ready to get back into life, and start working, start living again, and wants someone who is more settled, and family-oriented to be with. He said his friends often come to see him and talk about going out clubbing, and partying, and all that. But he says he just wants some QUIET, home time, you know? Like he was telling me that often when he gets a visit from a friend or family member, he's always looking around, totally alert to his surroundings; people around him, stuff like that. He said in prison, most guys are like that, because he said for example; if you're sitting in 'chow hall' with 800 other men, if you're NOT alert as to what's going on around you, next thing you know, you get hot coffee poured on you, or getting stabbed, all kinds of crazy stuff can go on before you realize it! He said that people who visit don't understand why he wants to just be 'at home'. He even told me that he's likely going to be 'scared' of being in a car after so long, because from what they see on t.v. and stuff, that things just 'move so fast all around you'! It was an AMAZING conversation!! He opened up about SO MANY things, and I am just FLOORED about how we on the outside take so many LITTLE, almost trivial things for granted!! Just being able to eat what and when we want; walking to the post office for mail; renting a video to sit and watch in the quiet of our homes; God, I could go on and on for hours!! I guess what I'm trying to get to, is that after we talked yesterday, is I understand his intentions now. And because we're almost the same age (he's one year older than me), we have so much in common as far as future plans, goals, just everything!! He is truly an amazing person! I asked about what he said about wanting to live with me; he laughed and told me about how many fake, phony people he has met over the years thru personal ads and such, and how he had decided not to answer any more letters at all, until he got mine. He said the thing that got his attention was the fact that I took the time to READ his ad, and respond to it accordingly; that I didn't just type up a response, copy it, and mail it to a bunch of other people...that how just sitting down with a pen and paper, actually TOUCHED him! Oh boy; I am so excited after learning so much from one person, in one conversation! And he is SO much fun to talk with, he's just hysterical to listen to...lol. The first time he called me, I said, "Is this ____?" And he says, "Girl, who'd you think it was? Baby how many men you got callin' you up from federal correctional facilities?!"...and he laughed...he was teasing me of course, but I can't get over how he has such an amazing sense of humor after all these years of being alone! I apologize, this is getting kind of long and drawn out here..lol. I just wanted to share this because at first, I was a little freaked, and like he told me, you'd be surprised how many women have just said, "yep, come on out, i'll look after you, you can live with me, blah blah blah"...lol. He said my response was the first genuine answer he's had in a LONG a$$ time!! Ok...I should shut up now, I've blabbed enough for now...lol.

Well, Tess, are you just a tad excited or what? :-)

One of my pps also talks about just being at home. I'm sure being around hundreds of men, anyone would look forward to quiet time or 1-on-1 time.

I've known a few people to get car sick (like when they go to court or to the hospital) because they haven't ridden in a car in so long. Another one of my pps was transported from a prison in Indiana to one in NJ a few years ago. He said he was terrified at the airport, not of the plane ride, but how fast things were moving, how women were scantily dressed and the automatic faucets in the restrooms...just the regular stuff we see everyday. That let's you know that their transition is not an easy thing.

Several years ago I had a pp who was released and a night or two after his release, I took him out to dinner. He was hunched over his plate with one arm around it and eating so fast until I told him, "Slow down. This is not chow hall and no one is going to call time on you." He had to laugh at himself.

Just be careful, Tess. I don't know your pp so I can't cast judgment on him but people will say what you want to hear to get what they want (in or out of prison). But I sincerely hope your relationship grows and is all that you desire it to be.

You remind me of myself a few months ago. After having no intention of being more than just a friend to my pp, the "feelings" slowly crept up over me without warning. I remeber my long and excited posts as I felt more in tune with him. Now, he and I both anxiously await June 12 2006 - it can't come soon enough. As a matter of fact, we are planning a small "party" with both his family and mine so we all can meet eachother and announce our engagement to all of them, whether they accept it or not!

Anyway, whatever decision you make on this, I wish you and your pp the best of luck. Keep up your spirits up for both you and him and remember we are here for you!

I say listen to your inner voice as each step and day goes on,,,,U will know for sure as time goes on to give it a try or not.
Then on meeting outside be yourself and dont let emotions over-ride you and stay even.

If all goes well,expect some trying times and some confusion and all will come together, also some laughs and good times and then settles in as any couple do, or move on.

A few things with Jon,,he ate so fast and has learned to slow down, no time limit of 15 mins any more (smile) riding in a car was not bad but, funny behind the wheel and driving for awhile (smile)Only one I saw here go in a car wash facing out and on leaving end up sideways LOL, now he is doing fine all the way around, it has been 4 and a half months and all is well.

Good luck to you both, which ever way she goes and at the worst may have a friend for life or better for life,,, just take as goes with eyes wide open and hope for the best and remain true open and honest,,, just my opinion (smile)

Wow Tess, and maybe a few other of you ladies out there...there is a wise saying,trust,but trust with verification. I am rather new on this site, but just being here a few days,reading the topics and there responses sends up red flags all around me. Speaking from prior experience, I must say this. There are sucker's born everyday out there...Please, and let me emphasize...please ask and verify personal questions pretaining to any of your pp's that you are seriously considering a personal relationship,or even a relationship with. I spent enough of time in the system to tell you all that many inmates do this sort of thing not just to past time, but also because it keeps money on there books. Remember this. There are only two things that eases a inmates problems in prison, money and more money. Those who claim it is not about money,(nothing wrong with being honest about that. Money is just as important out here)don't understand the importance of being truly honest,and lack the maturity to discuss money matters with their WAP's. Or they have not been down long enough to get their hustle on. Nevertheless, with saying that. Men and women alike are humans who desire to have real relationships with others of the opposite sex. In a real relationship character,and personality play an important part. Those who end up in prison are usually people who have not had the real pleasure to experience a freeing of their defects yet,thus, their personality continues to control their thoughts and behaviors. When someone,(and I don't categorize this at all) becomes aware of their mistakes in their make-up, and are willing to be honest,(gut-level honesty)to admit their defects, and grow into a good human-being---boy-oh-boy it can be a beautiful thing for that person and for those people around them.
Sorry if alittle long winded, but a mis-match can truly cause alot of pain...

There are givers and takers in and out of prison. There are fewer opportunities for inmates to take in prison so we Pen pals are the targets. If we were there in the heat and cold, poor food and endless days of being lonely, would we be telling people what they want to hear to satisfy our needs...probably.