ok....just a quick, but yet important question to me............if the facility ordered my penpal to stop corresponding to me, and if that order has been obeyed, what if i want to ask him a question?? he was ordered by the facility to stop corresponding with me because of some bad letters that he had previously been writing. however, it has been several months now, and i still do think about him. he is getting out at the end of this month, and i spoke to his brother today and his brother talked to him last night, and he mentioned to his brother that he would like me to pick him up when he gets out. so what do i do? if, and i mean IF...if i want to pick him up, then how can i go about doing this when the facility wont let him correspond with me? no letters, no calls. i asked his brother to give him this message for me the next time he speaks to him, but his brother told me that he is "fed-up" with him and he doesnt think hes going to change upon release, so now his brother wants nothing more to do with him. therefore, i have noone now who can give him a message. what do i do?

I think what I would probably do is wait until he gets out and then see if he contacts you. If his brother has totally written him off then that could definately be a sign to you. Just wait and see what happens upon his release.

Mardi

ok. Thank you for the advice. its good advice, and thanks. the thing is that should i just go there on the release day? he may not have my number anymore so he may be cant cal me when he gts out because its been so long now and because the faclity ordered him no more contact. so do you think i should may be just go there on his release day?

Hi Jenna,
Have you tried calling the prison to see if you can get this figured out? Was it the prison that told you this or was it your pen pal? I personally wouldn't go to the prison the day he is released, I would also wait to see if he contacts you. Im sure he would still have your contact details. If he doesn't, then you can always contact his family after he is released to find out where he is to call him then.

i did contact the facilty and they told me that there is a no-contact against me and his other penpal because the other penpal called his counselor and complained about the letters she was getting and it was all because she was jealous because she found out that he had another penpal, which was me, and then he got into trouble because of her calls, and then he started writing me nasty letters because she told him that me and her had talked ( me and the other penpal)

Can i ask you why would you want to pick up a person who has been mean to you? said naasty things? personally I would not even bother. It could lead to more trouble than what a ride is worth.

Please allow me to interject a bit of "fatherly" advice here.

It seems to me, unless I'm reading your original post incorrectly, that YOU precipitated the "no contact" directive by complaining to the facility about your pp's "nasty" letters to you. In other words, the facility was intervening on your request to stop his correspondence to you.

Considering that, it is very unlikely that they will reverse the directive. You have to equate it a bit to a woman who files for a protective order against a physically or emotionally abusive 'partner', then wishes to retract the complaint and resume the relationship, basically taking on the position of "never mind". Many women eventually end up being abused further, and often more severely after 'cancelling' the complaint. The authorities KNOW this happens with great frequency, and most have enacted regulations to refuse a reversal of the original complaint. Certainly, the Courts throughout the country have established procedures to protect people from themselves by implementing an "irrevocable" complaint system.

Forgive me for sounding a bit judgmental here, as that is not my intent. However, it appears that you seem to want to have your cake and eat it too. Realistically, you cannot file grievances against another based on a factual situation, then tell the authorities to forget what you said, simply because you can't make up your mind how you feel about your ABUSER.

Regardless of how you want to look at it, your penpal DID become your ABUSER by virtue of the mean and nasty remarks he made repeatedly to you in his correspondence. Don't become his VICTIM again by opening yourself up.

Walk away, and live with the (wise) decision you've already made. Leave him to his own devices.

well spoken lawdog.. your words are wise as always..
I agree with him completly