Hi everyone! Hope you all are doing great today. I see a lot of stuff happens when I'm not here! LOL I miss being able to read the board everyday, I'm not able to read the posts before they get deleted! heheh..

Anyway, on to my post subject I have a question for the mothers who have sons incarcerated. Tre and I are doing very well, I'm meeting his family brought his brother up to visit him, etc... however his mother is still reluctant to get to know me! Although we respect her decision, I'm curious as to how most mothers feel about this topic. Yes I met Tre online and yes we have known each other only 9 months now, but we are in love, we will get married upon his release... any thoughts from the mothers would be appreciated. Especially with advice on how to slowly show her that she can trust me and that I'm not out to play her son, or vice versa...

I personally think a lot comes with time. Just be who you are, i hope all goes well for the both of you.

First of all congratulations! I don't think I would have a problem getting to know you if I were in her position... After all that would be my baby (no matter how old he is) that you are getting involved with. I try really hard not to be a meddling mother in law lol

Pity there wasn't a 'Mother in law' handbook but there isn't (smile) I guess its kind of hard for any mother to see her 'baby' son go off with another woman. First of all your VERY protective and don't want your 'baby' to get hurt but usually reality kicks in and you see your 'baby' actually is a MAN so deep breaths and watch from a distance. I have 3 grown kids and am ever protective of them - its a MOTHER thing LOL the girl is settled and happy but the boys have had their ups and downs. Oldest son was in an 8 year relationship and has a daughter. I tried VERY hard to like and get along with that partner but she just wasn't that type of woman and made my son very unhappy. I kept out of it but was there for him when it fell apart now he's getting married in a few months to a lovely young woman. We all love this new partner BUT I'll carry on watching from a distance - okay he's 32 this year but still my 'baby' (smile) Youngest son got married to a very nice woman we thought he was happy and I got along with her wonderfully and I still watched from a distance (can't help it its a habit for mothers everywhere) this marriage broke down so I was there for my 29 year old 'baby' and he's getting divorced now. We all thought his wife was perfect BUT he could tell us that the woman we saw was NOT the woman he lived with and he'd been very unhappy. Just goes to show doesn't it? This relationship thing has never been easy and for mothers everywhere its an extra worry - we all want our kids to be happy but none of us should impose - just stay close incase they need us. No point worrying about what MIGHT happen - I'm starting to ramble - sorry I hope some of that made a little sense LOL and good luck (hugs)

As a Mom who had a son in prison and now transfered to a jail (still waiting on court ) grrrr.....anyhow I cannot see after the last 4 yrs on and off what he has been thru getting to know a gal and them being together on release, he has so much he has to rebuild first, I would look at her as" why get to know her or close it will not last long. That's the Mom speaking(smile)

Now as far as my spec pp, (smile) on release I wont get into that one it is complicated ...LOL

Maybe she has fear.Having a child sent to prison is very devastating, and can cause some of us mom's to worry alittle more than we normally would. She may be worried you'll change your mind about this relationship and he'll be left all alone, in prison, hurt, therefore she may be trying to keep a distance rather than except.Maybe in time she'll be more receptive if this is the case.Try not to take it too personal. She could be just worrying too dang much! I often times do.

I'm not a mother, summied, but I can relate.
When my wife and I announced our engagement, to my parents, my mom said, "You can't marry her!" Oh wow! We have been married for almost 37 years, now, and I still hear about that.
Some Moms can be a little possesive, and they know just how defenseless their poor sons can be, when up against a wily, conniving, husband catcher. And, every girl falls into that category. :-))
Good luck with it. I'm sure that it will take a lot of patience and sweet talking to bring dear old mom around.

thank you all for your comments. It was kind of on the line that I was thinking, and I know I can't force a relationship with her, but Tre and I have decided that both our mothers will be getting Mother's Day Cards and gifts from the two of us. Showing our families that we are serious and do intend to be a couple. We figure it can't hurt, and this way it will seem to help ease the idea of "us" into her head without being obtrusive and telling her we want her and I to get to know each other. Either way, once he is home, I know she won't be able to not get to know and like me because I'll treat her "baby" like the king that he is! :-)