MUST BE 18 OR OLDER - MUST READ TERMS OF SERVICE You Are On: Forum
 
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: new and need advice

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    49

    Default new and need advice

    Hello, Im new I hope I found a support group here!I need some help and I thought theres no better place then here. I was in high school (ages ago) my boyfriend was murdered I found out I was pregnant ( to this day no clue if shes is his and she is almost 14) well I want to write the people that are in jail for his murder not to be mean at all just to try to understand why. I wouldnt follow the news back then and I never really got the entire story I just remember having the news on and hearing his name that day in 1991 on TV and I heard they found his body. I recently went to the library and did some research on " micro fish" and I know that one of the men has an add on this site. I guess I just want to know if I should do this, write this man or just leave it alone. please anyone with advice bad or good or indifferent I will appreciate it.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Mexico
    Posts
    185

    Default

    First of all Welcome to WAP!!! This is a good place and I hope you enjoy it here and find the support you need.

    I am sorry to hear about the tragedy you experienced. It is obviously something you still think a lot about and have unanswered questions about what happened. I think you should try and write the man with the ad. You may have a positive response or maybe negative. But hopefully you will get some information you are searching for. It happened quite a few years ago so hopefully the man has had time to reflect on his actions and is willing to provide you with some answers.

    I am a believer in fate. You looked up information about the crime and found one of the men had an ad on here. What are the odds of that? It must be for some reason. I would just be honest in why you are writing him don't play any games or it's likely to just be returned with games being played back. I would also use a P.O. box. You may not want this guy to have your address.

    My pp is in prison for murder. In his first letter he told me in more detail what happened and he said he was very remorseful and would do anything to bring that man back. Hopefully you will get that kind of reaction from this man.

    Good luck to you and let us know how it all turns out!!!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    in my place
    Posts
    1,950

    Default

    Scoobsgirl,

    Welcome on WAP!

    Personally I don't think it's a good idea. There are more people involved here than just yourself. You have a daughter, and even though I understand you don't even know who the father is, there's a big possibility she's the daughter of your murdered boyfriend.

    I don't know to what extend she knows about what happened, but she's only 14 years old. She's a child. I think you have to consider her as well. Have you spoken to her about it? How does she feel that you might want to write the person who possibly killed her father? And even so, I think she's quite young to be confronted with a question like that, she might or might not understand, but she's not at an age to make grown-up decisions. Maybe she'll regret approving for you to write to this guy when she's older? What if she's confronted with letters from the killer of her (possible) own father? These are really things you have to consider in my opinion. Maybe she's not interested in knowing who her real father is, but she might be at one point. What if - later on - she feels like you betrayed her father by writing letters to the person who killed him?

    Why are you so eager to finding out more information now? Isn't there any other way to get this information? I've never asked for info on any on my penpals from the prison administration, but I wonder how much info they will be able to give you. Or maybe you should look around on the internet, you might find more information about the murder on your boyfriend then. And have all your questions answered without approaching the guy.

    If you decide to write after all, are you only interested in gaining the answers to your questions? So, if you have the answers, you will finish writing to him? If you do decide to write this guy, you should definitely be upfront with him from the start. But maybe he feels bad about what happened, that he would feel uncomfortable writing to you.

    Anyway, I would really advice you to take the above into consideration.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Kalamazoo, MI
    Posts
    7,153

    Default

    You raise an interesting question, Scoob. But, I think that it is one that only you can answer. Personally, I think that you may just find more pain than you care to have. My honest to goodness advice would be to get counseling from a psychologist. I think that a professional person could help you to find the answers you seek.
    Some people may think that there is a stigma attached to that, but isn't it worth anything to find some peace within your soul?
    Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly.
    Cowards are cruel, but the brave love mercy.
    "The purpose of life is to contribute, in some way, to making things better" Robert F. Kennedy

  5. #5

    Default

    i kinda can relate.i was involved with someone who commited murder when i was 4 months pg,he was arrested when i was 7 months along. i stumbled on this site one day and found he had posted an ad. i know how he truly is,the abuse etc. but i keep my mouth shut. its a tough decision.i have decided to not say anything and just observe.. good luck in whatever you choose to do..

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    49

    Default

    thank you all for the warm welcome! my daughter has a daddy that has raised her since she was a baby ( just to get that out of the way) she knows nothing about this possibility. I think I will write a letter to this man. I dont have to tell him about my child but I will let him know I was friends with the victim. funny someone mentioned "professonal" advice and the stigma that goes with it I have had my as I call her my "psycho" or years we have talked about EVERYTHING for years. but really a great big THANKS to all.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Mexico
    Posts
    185

    Default

    good luck to you scoobsgirl. I hope you great some answers. let us know how it went.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    29

    Default

    every inmate has a counselor , i would get with the counselor , and see what she or he thinks , yes u need closure , BUT if he isnt rehabilitaed , u may get more ** drama ** than u are ready for !!

    everyone have great advice, i was just pointin to the prison connection , rather then a mail connection, good luck !!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    australia
    Posts
    34

    Default

    Hello and welcome to WAP. If you desire to contact the people who murdered your partner to find out what happened and you feel strongly about it i would follow your heart and just sit down and write your heart off. U see my brother was murdered about 3 years ago now but we cant be sure about anything. He was found in his car dead and alot of things didnt add up and we know someone was with him when he died. ( but we dont know who)If i new who either murdered him or if someone came accross him and had come part in his death i would do the same as you. People need to know the whole story but in your case you can find out why it happened etc but i cant. They are only human and to find out the truth on somethings you need to go to the sauce. I hope that helps you

    cheers

    tina from aussie

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    1,253

    Default

    Scoob, I have been away for quite sometime, so I don't know if you have written this man as of yet, or not.

    If you have, I hope that you have gotten the answers you wanted and that they weren't hard to take. If you haven't, please take the time to read up on the man convicted of this murder and his trial. You will glean much information about what happened from that. If you have any trouble finding anything on it, let me know and I'll help you look it up.

    Please be prepared to hurt, to cry, to be angry, and to feel a sort of sadness that this man chose to do this. It's going to bring back a lot of old wounds. Are you sure you're ready for that?

    Perhaps if you found the information you seek through other avenues, you wouldn't have to write this man, not knowing how you'd react to his explanation to what happened. In all fairness to the inmate, I'm sure he's had the time to reflect upon the poor choice he made in taking your friend's life. It's likely that he'd like to be able to change places with him, but it's just as likely that he's become bitter and has begun to believe he 'deserved it' if that's the story he's told everyone to survive.

    Whatever you choose to do, I hope you won't do anything until you are sure within yourself that you are ready for whatever may come from doing this. Best of luck to you!


Similar Threads

  1. Need Advice
    By looking4pp in forum General Prison Talk
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 04-03-2006, 02:09 AM
  2. I need some advice...
    By SergiGal in forum General Prison Talk
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 11-21-2005, 09:01 AM
  3. Need Advice On DR PP
    By Daniella in forum General Prison Talk
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 10-15-2005, 06:52 AM
  4. advice
    By mysterio2005 in forum General Prison Talk
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 10-14-2005, 04:42 PM
  5. HELP!!! Need advice . . . .
    By spidergrl in forum General Prison Talk
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 12-19-2003, 11:53 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
spacer
Visit our sponsors
Email  Report Problem 
BBB Chamber of Commerce
2000-2013 WriteAPrisoner.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Must be 18 to be viewing this website and have read our Terms of Service.