List of all the Christmas related things that must be banned before someone gets hurt:

1. Eggnog. Hideously fattening; leads to coronary artery disease. When "spiked" it incites the drinker to turn to more dangerous holiday beverages, including mulled wine, hard cider and schnapps.
2. Decorations. Broken glass ornaments can lead to fatal bleeding in hemophiliacs. Strings of lights offer unusual electrocution opportunities. Extravagant outdoor lighting displays can cause automobile pileups on the street and/or blindness. Live animals in a manger might bite children.
3. Carols. Hypothermia risk. Certain high notes are hard to hit, causing embarrassment, stress and other harbingers of early death. Religious themes of carols could prove offensive to some listeners and inadvertently trigger a clash of civilizations.
4. Sledding. Involves a kinetic event that would more properly be described as skidding. Any close analysis will reveal that sleds not only have poor traction but are expressly designed to have minimal grip on a slick surface. Should be every bit as illegal as dangling a baby from a balcony.
5. Hearths. The ultimate fire hazard. People often use them to have open fires, complete with exploding embers that can land on furniture, on heavily gelled hair or even on a small furry pet that could suddenly go FOOF! and turn into the Yowling Fireball of Doom.
6. Menorahs. Still more open fire. Why not just pass around blowtorches and cans of gasoline?
7. Artificial Christmas trees. Fairfax County assistant fire marshal Mike Reilly, defending the ban on cut trees, said Tuesday: "I just put up my nine-foot artificial tree. I don't think it's a major inconvenience when you look at the risks." Obviously, plastic Christmas trees are growing to enormous size these days, and anyone who stands under a nine-foot colossus runs the risk of being crushed.
8. Gifts. Small gifts are a choking hazard. Large gifts lead to hernias. Coal in the stocking of a person who has been bad poses a severe fire risk. CDs have wrapping that requires the use of knives and scissors in a manner that can lead to the loss of a finger. Shopping leads to excessive debt, anxiety and compensatory high-risk behaviors such as smoking, heavy drinking and attempted gift returns. Improper gift-buying, such as when a well-meaning male gives his sweetheart something unromantic, like a Dustbuster, or a 52-piece socket wrench set, or a jumbo can of Dr. Scholl's Foot Deodorant Spray, can lead to domestic violence.
9. Mistletoe. The number of unwanted pregnancies resulting from the placement of mistletoe on the ceiling and over doorways has never been properly calculated, but is surely astronomical. Tongues are a choking hazard.
10. Shopping mall Santas. A strange man wearing a disguise who asks small children to sit in his lap. You make the call.
11. Reindeer. Lyme disease vectors.
12. Elves. Ideology and political allegiance unknown. Terror risk?"

Happily Addicted to the Web

(to the tune of "Winter Wonderland&quot
Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
I'm happy--although
My boss let me go--
Happily addicted to the Web.
All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There's beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web.
Friends come by; they shake me,
Saying, "Yo, man!
Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man;
I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"
I don't phone, don't send faxes,
Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
I'm happily addicted to the Web!

Rudolph was a four-hoofed ungulate

Rudolph was a four-hoofed ungulate, who, incidentally, possessed a nasal appendage of a maroon luster. Consequently, if circumstances were to present themselves that he ever came into your view, you would most undoubtedly remark at to its illuminary qualities.
The multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms -- the objective of which was to lower his self-esteem and make him miserable. They also excluded him from participation in leisure activities consistent with their species.
However, on the twenty-fourth of December in an unspecified year a mythological, supernatural being inherent to western culture (who symbolizes the Christmas attitude and allegedly brings gifts to children) arrived through the supersaturated, humid air.
He formally invited Rudolph, due to his extraordinary nasal characteristic. To stand at the forefront of his snow vehicle with the express purpose that he navigate through the nocturnal mist.
At that point, the multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community who had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms, reversed their disposition toward Rudolph to a more congenial, amicable relationship. They consequently exclaimed with great exaltation and fervor, Rudolph, the antlered mammal with a maroon nasal appendage, you shall most certainly be recorded in the annals of time, and your memory will be preserved for posterity!
Now wasn't that fun? Oh...ok...we'll do it your way... Rudolph the red nosed Reindeer...

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had while making the toys. The reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. To make matters worse, they had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree.
Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours - all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid Little Angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"
Just then, the Little Angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. He says "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"
And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass........

to be banned
sleeping rough, abused children, frightened women, hurt and angry men.
scowling faces, draughty places,
hatred.
bigotry to be replaced by a bigger tree (couldn't resist that ..lol)
unhappiness, loneliness and fear.

these things should be banned
hugs
sue

Oh my goodness, Mo - I think the 'Addicted' song was written about me.

(I actually sang it out loud - LOL)

Thank goodnes I wasn,t the only one,Moesgirl!

What do you mean you 'sang' it out loud? I'm STILL singing it! LOL....that was too good!

"Live animals in a manger might bite children."

hahahah