I have read your blogs also. I can feel your pain and turmoil. The one thing we as "regulars" always warn people about is the red signs.

When you start to write a pen pal and within several letters 5-10 they start claiming "feelings" to walk softly because you cant fall for someone that quick. Could you meet someone on the street and after 4 or 5 cups of coffee/tea/beers have "feelings"?

We always try to tell people to use your head instead of your heart in matters dealing with pen pals. Some are there for friendship where others want to scam. I understand how you feel but this man has done nothing really wrong.

I'm like LawDog looking from the outside in it looks like a revenge party wagon to me sorry to say it.

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I can understand where your coming from, and as I said, everyone is entitled to their own opinion... But I can honestly tell you that revenge isn't what its about, if it was, I would have 'gone ahead' with the plan to 'play games' with him back.... and I didn't, because I wanted to do the 'right' thing...

You say his done nothing wrong? I don't agree with that. Just because he hasn't broken any laws, doesn't mean that it wasn't wrong. It was morally wrong, because a 'good' person wouldn't do something like that to another person...
But again, thats just my opinion, and obviously there isn't really too much I can say anymore to prove my sincerity on this subject!!... I'm a little hurt that everyone thinks I'm so vindictive, but thats just the way of the world...

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chicksta xo

I have been dealing with inmates for a very long time. I have seen many things happen and to be honest not much surprises me.

Those of us who have been around for a long time always try to encourage those new to writing to take it slow and proceed with caution.

After all, we are writing individuals who are incarcerated for numerous reasons, and none of which are for being a good choir boy. We correspond with criminals, many of which are repeat offenders.

Some have the ability to change, while others simply do not. Which is why we should always be on guard and looking for what seems logical and what seems like a load of bs.

I can understand being hurt and wanting to protect others from falling into this trap, however, is it really worth letting it consume you and in a way define where you are in this point of your life?

I think posting your blog and story as you have here does help. It helps others see that this DOES happen and they should proceed with more caution than they normally would.

What he has done is morally wrong, but all of us are raised with different morals. Has he done anything legally wrong with talking to two or more women in more than a flirty way? There is nothing illegal with that.

People who are not committed to one another date, and see other people. It doesn't make it right, but when people do not commit to being 'exclusive' with one another, some do test the waters. I see it all of the time in the free world.

There are so many things that could be said about this, but without all of the pieces, it would be wrong of me to really say them.

My question to you would be this...

If this were a guy you met on the street, at a bar, at a club, at the market, on the bus or simply through a friend of a friend, and this happened, you found out he was seeing more than one woman and you were one of those women, how would you have reacted?

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Thats an interesting question Skye... And you do have a point - I would have just 'let it go' and moved on, whilst telling anyone and everyone that I met along the way what a sleeze he is! haha...

I just really feel that this particular case is different.. he was trying to talk us both into marrying him... He wants that 'wifey' material girl who will look after him and give him what he wants (in every aspect of the word) once he is released and he will struggle for the simple fact that he has been in prison (thats wrong, but its the way of the world)... I just don't like the fact that he was 'testing the waters' with so many women trying to convince them he loved them so that they would take care of him and eventually marry him - and doing it to as many people as possible so that he could 'take his pick' when his released... I may be a hopeless romantic, but if anyone is going to marry, i want it to be for love - not because he wants to be taken care of and lies about loving someone to have a 'normal' life.... Thats what I want to stop from happening... from someone believing his lies, getting sucked into whatever it is, sending him money, thinking they are in love - and then once they've been sucked dry of everything they have, being left alone and cold.
Yes, this does happen on the outside as well as the inside, so maybe I should take a step back. But maybe because there is a 'forum' here for me to vent my feelings and frustrations is something I should take advantage of??... 'spread the word' so to speak....

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chicksta xo

So, what you're saying is there is a double standard. If this were a free-world relationship, you'd just move on. Since this person is incarcerated, and vulnerable to administrative / legal sanctions, you've decided to play that card instead.

You see, in the free world, you'd play all kinds of heck getting anybody with any authority to even listen to your plight, let alone convince them to take some action against the person who hurt your feelings. (Incidentally, we are all responsible for our OWN feelings, so if they get hurt, it's because we allowed them to.) Thus, the only option you would have is to get over it and move on. There are no morality police in the free world.

On the other hand, when a person is incarcerated, they are held to a higher expectation of behavior, since a mere complaint and suspicion can result in some kind of penalty against the "offender", such as loss of privileges or some other punishment. This is the sword you yield, because you have the power to yield it, and the morality police are at your beck and call.

Double standard.

You present this now as if you're doing him a favor by exposing him to DOC. In reality, you ARE able to exact some kind of vengeance by making his life at least a little bit difficult - you said so yourself - he's going to be on suicide watch.

While I appreciate your dilemma, and have at least a bit of empathy for you, what you call "doing the right thing" is for whose benefit ? His ? Yours ? What you have to ask yourself (as we all do) is whether what we're doing gives us even a little bit of pleasure knowing that the other person is going to suffer at least a tiny bit of embarrassment out of the whole thing, if nothing else. If that's the case, then YES, it is mean-spirited, vindictive, and vengeful.

I'm not judging you personally, Chicksta. I've been there myself, as have many others. The reality is, taking measures to "even the score" most generally is an empty "high" and has a very short life.

Very well said Law

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this mod needs coffee

I agree with Lawdog.

Also pursuing this since with no real legal acton that can be taken by an authority, so far.

And though you are trying to save other females from him, via letters on the wifey thing.
I have no idea how much longer he will be inside, or even when he gets out, how long you can do a morals petrol on him for the sake of others.

You appear to be a good person yourself with morals who is hurt and angry on betrayal, I think in the future you will feel better with yourself, if you be firm on what he did, with you both personally directly to him, and then let it go.

It does come across as revenge and if retaliate as tried thru feathers etc, it may not feel so good in the aftermath" for you." I think the other would and you in future will have a clear conscience then of this matter.

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Given that we are now aware of Chicksta’s and the other woman’s suffering as a result of this school-yard drama, is WAP doing anything to try and combat this behaviour?

Whilst I understand completely that his ad brings good revenue, it is not hard to infer that our inaction, to a large extent, is an indication that we are proponents of his school-yard behaviour?

Do we continue to showcase his ad or do we trivialise Chicksta’s and the other woman’s suffering as “you should have seen the red flags”?

Perhaps, the subtext to all of this is that this inmate “paid” for a platform from which to “play” others – and the monetary rewards make all the difference. Chicksta also “paid” but her emotions are unwanted currency.

Chicksta: To be fair dinkum, I can’t say I’m sorry that this has happened to you mate because I think you have gained quite a lot. A good ride is always worth the fall. I have made several life-long friends from this site and they all love our Aussie accent!

Best regards

If there is real fraud with facts, involving money or threats etc , WAP works with the officials of the prison. It states so in the rules if read them.

If it is affairs of emotions and hearts and choice ,there is nothing that can be done, there are no moral police inside the walls,any more then there is outside the walls in the world.

As adults when school yard drama and game come into play, each is responsible as an adult, to move on or handle in a mature way, lick wounds and learn from the lesson. I do not mean to sound cold but that is the reality of the world as adults.

No one wants to see anyone hurt, that is why we all post and place threads of red flags to watch for, be it even your hearts. It is not also just the females who are played, nor is it just the inmates that play with a pp emotionally, it can and has worked both ways. ( not at all am I saying this is the case with Chicksta)

If money games or heart are increasingly being played and growing inside by more and more inmates/male or female, there must be a reason beyond the economy, at this time,NO?????????????????????

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There has been nothing ILLEGAL done. Sure there may have been something morally wrong, but wap nor anyone on the earth hold the title of "Morality Police".

If there has been something illegally done, or done against the terms of conditions that the inmate agrees to when he/she signs up for their ad, I am sure that WAP will take whatever necessary actions are needed.

One has to use common sense when dealing with offenders. These men and women that we write are convicted felons, some serving hard time. With that said, we are not writing Choir Boys and Girls, and our letters do not go to the peace corps, they go to the penitentiary.

Regardless of who we write and what our relationship is with our pals, we are still not writing little angels. Some have changed, sure, while some have not.

Which is why we must follow our common sense and look for red flags, and signs along the way.

I can't tell you how many warnings members of this forum have been given over the years. It is impossible to fall head over heals in love with someone after a few letters and it be the real thing.

If a guy you met at the bar or club or even at church was seeing more than one woman, a sensible person would not be contact the DMV to have his license revoked or the FBI wanting to put up wanted posters for being a player. A sensible person would gripe and moan about it, tell their friends about it and eventually move on.

I think many are prone to go on "witch hunts' toward the inmates just because they feel they are in a position of power so to speak. In many cases (not saying this is the case here) the actions of a jilted lover have been so harassing that the DOC had to take action on the person in the free-world.

I have seen this happen on more than one occasion and at the end of the day the DOC is obligated to protect the inmate not the pen-pal.


It is very important to remember that there are just as many players in the free world as there are in prison. This is not a one way street.

We warn people about this time and time again because it does happen and we do care. But it's like the old saying.... "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink..."

So many times we give the warnings and ask for people (Not speaking specifically about this situation) to heed the warnings.... and they listen to what we say with def ears.

We are only hearing one side of the story, the inmate is not here to defend himself or his actions.

When you go to trial the court hears the prosecution's side and the defenses' side. The jury can not reach a verdict with only hearing the prosecution's side. It would be morally wrong for any of us to take sides when we do not know the whole story.

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