I was wondering (and been trying to imagine myself in this situation)
Do any of you ever get angry at the fact that your loved one has let themselves down and as a consequence have dragged everyone along with them through this hellish ride of the prison system?

I've been trying to imagine myself in this situation and all I keep coming up with is tears of anger and disappointment if it was one of my own sons or husband.

I think I would feel so let down by them.

I hope this is not too personal a question to ask ..........my apologies if it is.

Hmmm the reason I've posted this thread is probably my own frustration at "angelwithoutwings" plight. Sorry Angel I'm almost in tears reading through your posts and I just want to march into that prison and kick your sons butt.
Is that wrong of me to feel this way?

to be honnest i guess a lot people who their loved one is incharged feel they are punnist too.
there will be a lot pain from both sides.....the why etc.....

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be nice to the people on your way up,because you will meet them again on your way down

First of all, it is not my plight but my son's plight. I am not angry at my son and if you have read all of the posts, you would understand why.

I believe my son and stand behind him fully. I have had a close relationship with my son and have always spoken with him prior to his incarceration about many different things in life good and bad and indifferent.

When he said he was innocent, I believed him and still do. What led to his incarceration was unfotunate and upset and affected more than just him. He knows it, and it adds to his heartache, but it was not planned, anticipated, nor was it his fault really. Sometimes, things do happen because of others jealousy, hatred, fear, etc. This is the reality of the world we live in.

I was angry to a point that...................I thought I would never return from it, but it was not directed at my son Victor, but at society as a whole, others individually, etc. It was even directed at myself for allowing my son to go away and not saying no to him, or doing something or saying something else at that time. But who knows what I could have said? I was disillusioned, disappointed and in pain, but I thought of my sons pain and tribulation and therefore, I had to be strong yet again. God is indeed good and I have faith in Him more than I can say.

This is....................one of those times that my faith will shine and my actions will dictate that faith. My son will do the same if his faith allows.

Love, Faith, and Hope will win in me if I do not give up and practice this way continually no matter how great the pain and/or effort.

My son deserves to be:

respected for he was a good person prior to being put into prison,
loved because he loves so many people just because,
asked for forgiveness for the hurt caused him,
helped to restore his life that was taken from him,
reunited with his only son and child,
and have his freedom returned to him just as quickly as it was taken because he has done nothing to warrant his captivity in the first place.

Victor, as I have stated before, was and is a good-hearted person who was a victim of racial bias, being young, immature, naive, and so very trusting.

As far as spiritually, I believe God has a reason for everything and that I may never know the reason why, but God does not do anything bad, so Victor is in good hands. No harm has come to my son and for that I am grateful I apologize for this being so lengthy. I get carried away emotionally at times.
Thanks for taking the time to read this through.
Be Blessed & Happy Holidays!

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"Faith, Hope & Love, but the greatest of these is Love."
I Corinthians 13:13
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sorry angel I obviously missed that he was innocent my apologies.

Though I knew my husband before his crime, I hadn't known him for very long. I do know that he was not the best father that he could have been to his sons, or the best son for his parents. I have tried to piece together the whole family story from what he, his mum, his brother, and his ex-wife have told me, trying to keep an objective mind on it all. The fact is, these are all people who probably should never have been in a family together at all, but you dont pick your family.

I dont get angry with him. I dont need to, he feels bad enough about what happened without me adding to it. I feel sad that he made the decisions that he did, which mean we now have to wait so long for our future together. I feel sad that he has caused other people so much pain. But I wont let him martyr his victim or take more responsibility for other people's actions than is necessary.

He asked me last weekend how it could be that I love him yet his family dont. All I could say is that he has not hurt me the way they feel he has hurt them. He didnt do any of this to me. He just did it. And I know if he could fix things now, he would in a heartbeat, but that's not possible.

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$10,000 for 'new server'...
$700 per month for running costs...
lieing and taking advantage of vulnerable people ~ priceless

In Angelwithoutwings case, her son was innocent a victim of a system gone amoke.

In a case like Jon's he was inside for 13 yrs, he was guilty of two of the charges, one was placed upon him, he too is innocent of.

Jon has thru the yrs fallin back some, and when he did it was hard on those around him, his actions at those times were so internalized he lost track of what he was doing to those around him.
With tough love and no moddle coddling on his wake up calls, he bounced back.

After that rebound
Then it takes compassion, and understanding with the soft approach toward him at that point. He felt bad enough of the step backwards and what he did to those around him.

Was I upset, noooooooooo I expected this.

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Many people or The word I rather use, is society doesn’t understand, is that when we have a loved one in prison, it DOES effect the whole.

I wondered for many years myself why it was that so many that was lock up lost contact with their families. The sad thing is, they do. BUT, not for the reason that so many think.

It wasn’t tell I spoke with the family of my pals, and even my own family, ( we have a loved one lock up) that I found out why they stop writing.

We who live on the out side, have a “normal” life. We go out to eat, places that our loved ones cant. In many cases, not all, the loved ones out here don’t want to burned or make them feel bad that they can not do the things we can. What they don’t understand, is that , they see through our eyes, and in my cousin case, he is in for life, and he needs to see these things. Its what most want. They want to know whats going on with us and our families.

They need to know how the other side of us out here feel as well. To be mad, no, but to feel hurt for what ever reason, yes.

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I need coffee

lulu ~ Absolutely! I have to live for both of us now, just to fill my letters with something My pals also benefit, because they get to 'come with me' on my travels.

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$10,000 for 'new server'...
$700 per month for running costs...
lieing and taking advantage of vulnerable people ~ priceless

LOL! No problem Megsy. Lots of love to you for your caring!

Be Blessed!

__________________
"Faith, Hope & Love, but the greatest of these is Love."
I Corinthians 13:13
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