Idontknow ~ responses to situations in prison are not the same as they are in the freeworld. If I had a penny for all the times people have said to me "if he really loved you he would XYZ" I wouldn't be working full-time right now!

My husband suffers from depression, has done for most of his adult life, and was one of the factors in his crime. While in the free-world he would self-medicate with substances. Since he has been in prison, he has made huge efforts to stay clean and sober, but this comes at a price for us because when he has a bout of depression he has to deal with it now instead of masking it. Last year was a bad year, and at one point I didnt hear from him for 7 weeks. Even though I know that it is his way of coping, it still drives me mad. He says he tries to spend his non-work time reading when he feels like that, because if he tries to write, he has to start to think, and then he cant stop the thoughts that arrive.

With the mail delays etc, the gap for him was only 4 weeks, but for me it was 7. So if you have not heard anything for a little while, it could be that a letter is already on it's way to you.

Florida Gulf Coast is also right, in that so many guys fall in love with their pals, and then suffer a reality check and withdraw. They dont always know how to understand or express their feelings, and there is no body language to go on either if you're not visiting them. They dont feel worth of your love. If you feel he is, then you just have to keep writing until he sees it too.

__________________


$10,000 for 'new server'...
$700 per month for running costs...
lieing and taking advantage of vulnerable people ~ priceless

My first thought was depression. Which, I think happens all too frequently, in prison. But, I agree with Smiley. Keep writing. He is going to have to snap out of it, probably by himself. In the meantime, it may help for him to know that someone cares and is there to listen and offer support.

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Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly.

Cowards are cruel, but the brave love mercy.

Sunray that is all too true . Prison is very depressing .I would guess almost every one doing time suffers from depression at times if not on and off constantly . It is a unnatural and abnormal environment . When you start to think about why you are there and what got you there , that is when the demons come out to play and torment you . There is no one to talk to about those things . You can lie on your bunk going over almost every minute detail of your life wishing for that time back . If you chose to you can find drugs to mask it though that comes with a steeper price . The sense of worthless nes is all to true and it stays with you on release . It is very hard to grasp any one will care about you at all . Then you are surrounded by people who do not care about you and your life is usually controlled by those who despise you . . Another thing at least in male prison expressing emotions is a sign of weakness to be exploited .I

That being said . If you have been writing for a while and have some sort of friendship /relationship . Keep writing let that person know you care . They might not write back right away maybe a few weeks they will appreciate you writing them . That is about all you can do .
Another thought is that all to often they have been abandoned time after time one way or another that is part of why they many of them are there . This is more true for women So a person willing to stick with them is hard to comprehend . Sunray is right often they cannot easily express their feelings .

Xray is right in the end they are going to have to snap out of it usually by their own doing a little encouragement helps often more than you ca begin to imagine . Another thing that might be a way to say hello with out a long letter is a card to say hello and you are thinking of them .

Now if you just started writing it is usually best to just move on But if this is out of character and you have been writing a while a year or so keep on writing and maybe if you do not here from them in a month or so call their prison and ask to speak to the chaplains office usually they will have some one go and speak to that prisoner and ask if we very thing is OK that you called and are concerned. Be patient with your friend they live in a very different world than you do . In case you do not know I lived in that world for a long time in the same system Sunrays husband is in on it's most notorious prison .

__________________
The Constitution is not a Technicality!

Me

If you never have dreams they will never come true.

Somethings are worth fighting for !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2Ngn...eature=related


Money Talks !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgL8qqjOnlg

Smiley this is not at all uncommon in fact I did it for a while just shut down and shut out everything .Though I'll say those letters and cards from family always helped even if it was impossible at the time to pick up a pen and write anything or say any thing to any one . They might not say it but most of them are glad to know some one cares . It was those letters and cards that got me to pick up a pen and write down why I had been silent for so long.

__________________
The Constitution is not a Technicality!

Me

If you never have dreams they will never come true.

Somethings are worth fighting for !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2Ngn...eature=related


Money Talks !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgL8qqjOnlg

Even after almost 5 years of me writing every day and visiting as often as I have, Hubby still needs to hear it regularly. He will always need to hear it.

__________________


$10,000 for 'new server'...
$700 per month for running costs...
lieing and taking advantage of vulnerable people ~ priceless

Hi I know how you are feeling im going through this write now.
I havent heard from my pp for 4weeks.
The thing is I had a flue and was sick and dint write to him for 2 weeks.
Then he sends me a letters saying hes writing to see if im still alive.
Said he was puzzled that he hasnt heard from me for awhile.
That he thought we were worth more than that and that he knows im a great woman one he can spend his life with and now what?
He said i bounced on out of his life just becuz i didnt write for 2 weeks.
He finished the letter by saying im probably not wanting to hear from him and if not that i should take care and how I obvoisly have no place in my life or heart for him.
Which was redicules cuz i just sent him money andbooks he just thanked me for receiving.
The thing is i have sent 3 letters in past month and now hes giving me the silent treatment.
I feel sick and hurt in my heart.
so i called prison to see if hes still where he was.I dont know whether i should have or not but I sent him one last letter saying i was worried about him.and how its him whos got no place in his heart for me not the other way around and said if i dont hear from him again then take care.....has anyone here got any idea what this situation could be possibly all about? im feeling really hurt and dont know what to do...any advice i would truelly appreciate.
thanks

ooooooooooooops i'm sorry for you i guess your friend is just as confused as you are,just wait till you get a letter back i think it's just that he was missing you and felt hurt you didn't wrote back,you explained that you were sick so i guess it will be cool between the you again.

hugs whiterose.

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be nice to the people on your way up,because you will meet them again on your way down

hey white rose thx for replying.

Now the problem is he received my first 2 letters now im received my third one back with a sticker saying return to sender not deliverable as addressed unable to forward.From what i have been reading is if the adressee denies mail it can be classified as undeliverable mail...so what could this mean is he denying my mail? i looked up on bop locator and its says hes still at same place.so is this a bad sighn for me of rejection? i thought if i was in prison i would at least read the mail and throw it out and just not reply...whats anyones thoughts on this? as he was awaiting to see if he was transferred...im not sure what to think anymore.

Freedom, if he was waiting on being transfered, could there be a possible chance he was about to be or has been moved or in the middle of the move, sometimes they go to one place before getting to the place they will stay permantly, i ask cos when their in transit they dont let you know where they are, or at least they didnt with my hubby i "lost" him for a while there lol, kept calling diff places they couldnt tell me anything , some letters came back. i sent out duplicate letters to places he would of been at, about 3 weeks later i found him lol then i got a letter he said he didnt have any of his stuff so he couldnt write, "i expect he could of done if he had of tried harder and known i would of been worrying so much he knows better now lol" anyway all i really wanted to say was dont start to worry to soon, if all was fine before the letter was returned it probably still is and its something beyond his control, just wait a little longer maybe send another letter in a week to see what happens to it. all you can do is pray and wait! oh and dont go sending crappy letters just cos you THINK it might be over lol like i said if it was all good before the letter was returned it prob still is, but i didnt think of that at the time when i was worried and all sorts were going on in my mind.

__________________
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"

"Fall seven times, stand up eight"

"Go back a little to leap further"

Excellence can be obtained if you:
care more than others think is wise;
risk more than others think is safe;
dream more than others think is practical;
expect more than others think is possible.

hi ukgirl!
thankyou for replyin.
knowing what you just told me makes me feel sooo much better.
Its very frustrating when you cant locate your man even on inmate locator and you ring prisons and they cant tell you anything either..
so ill do as you said and just try and chill out for awhile.