"ATTENTION ALL VISITORS TO _________! (Please insert the southern state of your choice.) HERE'S THA RULES!"
1. Pull up your pants and take that earring out. You look like an idiot.
2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. So, drive or git outta the way.
3. Yeah, we all started hunting and fishing before we started to school. Sure, we saw "Bambi" but we got over it.
4. Go ahead. Bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod--but don't cry when a catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for that little 10 inch bass you're fishing for--we call it "bait."
5. That bent-over farmer did more work before breakfast than you do all week, including your visits to the gym. He does't need your respect but he surely DESERVES IT.
6. If your cell phone rings while we're in the woods waiting on a buck, we'll shoot it. You might hope you don't have it to your ear at the time.
7. If you bring "Coke" into our homes, it'd better be brown, wet, and best served over a glass of ice.
8. You have a $60,000 car? We're not impressed. Heck, we drive tractors, cotton pickers and hay balers that cost a quarter million dollars--and we only drive them a few weeks each year.
9. Yeah, we eat catfish, deer, rabbit, and squirrel. You want sushi? It's available at the bait shop.
10. What's that? People are waving at you in your car and smiling at you on the streets? We call it being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
11. And finally, we still believe in the Bible; that Jesus is the only way to get to Heaven because Adam's sin separated man from God. Don't you?
Please, ENJOY YOUR VISIT. You might even like us so well you'll want to stay. But, if not, well, there are interstates running four ways: north, south, east and west. JUST PICK ONE.

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One day Billy Bob was reading the paper when his wife walked up behind him and smacked him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" he asked, rubbing his head and moaning.
"For the piece of paper I found in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."
"Jeez, honey," Billy Bob said, "Remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I bet on."
His wife just shrugged and walked away.
Yesterday, Billy Bob was reading the paper when his wife walked up and smacked him on the back of the head with the frying pan, again.
"Good Lord, woman, what was that for?" he yelled.
He got a stony glare. "Your horse called."

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Southern Valentines

Collards is green,
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.


Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.


You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.


You have some'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.




Still them fellers at work
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.


Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.


Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life more
than a fresh load of dirt.





When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

heartsCLR.gif (9464 bytes)
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.




Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.





Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
That's impressive," I say.


Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.





But for this man, honey,
these just won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
you sweet thang you.



I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds...
it's a new troll'n motor!!

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~Live with no excuses, and love with no regrets~

LOL, Wolfie, you have lots of them! Love it!!!!! (and love the South)!!!!!

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~Live with no excuses, and love with no regrets~

wolfie is in great form lol.
love them they are great you made me laugh realy needed that,,thanks xxx

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be nice to the people on your way up,because you will meet them again on your way down

Hey I'm a southerner what'cha expect lol the bad part is I do sound and act like this SOMETIMES just ask Penny she has heard me on the computer and Smiley on the phone I love them late night calls while doing homework breaks lmao keep em up mate lmao

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Ow yes, that was great when you did that! Love the Southern accent. You have the same accent as my guy and his family. And it seems i have it now a bit too, LOL. Still using some sayings you told me. Your so sweet you make ma teeth hurt, LOL

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~Live with no excuses, and love with no regrets~

Lmao there ya go.

Ain't that the berries! (that is great!)

I can do em all day lol

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Im gonna visit a whole new world soon in them sticks, LOL.
It's also a first to ate green fried mators, fried okra and sweet taters.
Dont think im gonna gig some frogs or tipping a cow. But the planned bbq sounds fun, with a huge tasty brisket! Also a first is going to the wallmart and buy a nice pair of breeches, LOL. Cant wait to see that guy soon, he's hotter then a two dollar pistol, ya know, LOL.

LOL, that's a new one Wolf, aint the berries, LOL!

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~Live with no excuses, and love with no regrets~

You will love it Penny. when my friend from England came here she said when she went home she was taking me with her because she had gained my accent lol

Before you know it the South will be your Stomping grounds. (familiar territory to you)

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