 Re: chicken joke for Lachsis
Chicken and the Egg
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... Well, I guess we finally answered "THAT question!"
Chicken and the Horse
Once upon a time there was a horse and a chicken who were good friends. They lived on a farmyard with lots of other animals and were very happy. One day, while they were playing near the farm's pond, the horse stepped into a hole of quicksand. The horse rapidly sank and was yelling for his friend, the chicken, to save him. The chicken thought for a minute, then ran back to the farmhouse, and jumped into the farmer's 735csi BMW. Luckily, the keys were in the ignition, and the chicken managed to start the car, and put it in gear. It raced over to the sinkhole, where the horse had almost disappeared by now. The smart chicken tied a rope around the back of the BMW and threw the other end around the front legs of the horse. The chicken hopped back in the driver's seat and stepped on the gas. Ever so slowly, the horse eased out of the quicksand and jumped to safety. The horse, still on shaky legs, stuttered: "You just saved my life. Thank you!" The chicken just said, "Don't mention it - That's what friends are for!!" They returned the BMW and went out to dinner together in the barn yard.A few days later, the horse got up from a good night's rest, and heard some muffled cries for help coming from the backyard. The horse followed the sounds and came upon a terrible scene. There was his best friend, the chicken, stuck in a hole of quicksand! The sand was already up to its neck-feathers and the cries for help had almost stopped. The horse took a quick look around: No rope in sight And the farmer had gone to town with his BMW. What to do? The horse took a deep breath and spread his body and legs out over the hole. His member was dangling down right above the poor chicken. "Here, my friend, grab my thingie and I will pull you to safety!". With its last bit of energy, the chicken grabbed a hold of the big horse-thingie and the horse straightened its body, pulling the chicken from its trap. With one big step, both were on solid ground and safe. The chicken slumped down on the ground, exhausted: "Now You saved my life, my friend!!" The horse just smiled. And what is the moral of this story? ... If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
What is Superchicken's real identity?
Cluck Kent.
How did the chicken end up in the soup pot?
The farmer's wife told her it was a chicken jacuzzi.
What happens when a chicken eats gunpowder?
She lays a hand gren-egg.
What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg?
The bombshell.
What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg?
It egg-splodes.
What happened when the hen ate cement?
She laid a sidewalk.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Why did the chicken disappoint his mother?
He wasn't what he was cracked up to be.
Why did the rooster file for divorce?
He was tired of being hen-pecked.
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you're the chicken.
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics!
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-day.
What do you call a chicken with a disability?
Hendicapped.
What do call a chicken who got too close to a nuclear plant?
Atomic cluck.
Why did the rooster stay outside dring the blizzard?
It was 'fowl' weather.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
With four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
It wanted to get to the other slide.
Why did the chicken cross the internet?
It wanted to get to the other site.
What do you call a rooster who wakes you up?
An alarm cluck.
What does an alarm cluck say?
Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo!
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo clock.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
Why did the rooster run away?
He was chicken.
Why don't chickens like people?
Because we beat eggs.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?
A bird that lays down.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
What happened to the chicken whose feathers pointed the wrong way?
She was tickled to death.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
She wanted to see a man lay a brick.
What does a chicken wipe his beak with?
A henkerchief.
What time do chickens go to lunch?
Twelve o cluck.
Why did the chicken cross the state line?
To get out of Kentucky.
Which religious man do chickens fear most?
The friar.
How do you know when a chicken is under arrest?
She's wearing hencuffs.
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
Why didn't the chicken skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have enough guts.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the possum that it could be done.
Why did the chicken end up in the soup?
Because it ran out of cluck.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To go to the moooooovies.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a bell?
A bird that has to ring its own neck.
What do you get if you cross a hen with a dog?
Pooched eggs.
Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air?
Because eggs were going up.
How do chickens dance?
Chick to chick.
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
Because she was afraid someone would caesar!
Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice?
Because he was a dirty double crosser.
What do you call a joke book for chickens?
A yolk book.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
To ****adoodle dooo something.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn't chicken.
What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken?
He kicked the bucket.
What do you get from a drunk chicken?
Scotch eggs!
Why does a rooster watch TV?
For hentertainment.
How do you stop a rooster from crowing on Sunday?
Eat him on Saturday!
One DJ said to the other one that he was sick of hearing about the
endorsements Nancy Kerrigan was getting. The other DJ said she heard that
Kerrigan was signing a contract with Revlon, but didn't know if there was
anything to the story or not.
The first DJ said that he didn't hear about that, but said he did hear that
she was signing a contract with Kentucky Fried Chicken. The second one
said, "Really?" And the first answered, "Yeah, the advertised special is
supposed to be two small breasts and a bruised thigh!"
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