Oh God, I feel sick and dont know what to do. I tried to talk to a couple of friends tonite about this but they just dont get it so Im going to ask here cos Im sure you fellas will atleast understand.
I want to know what you would do in my situation.

One of my PP's and i have been writing for over 2 years. Its been very steady, weekly letters full of funny stuff, very lighthearted you know?
In the last few letters he has been a bit different and wanting to trade 'secrets'. I took it lightly and told him silly kid stuff like hiding grandpa's teeth and never telling it was me etc etc. He has been disclosing much more serious stuff, like crimes and such.
Anyway, today I got a letter in which he admitted to a crime which is so fundamentally against everything I believe in that I am freaking out here!
The way I figure it is:
1) He made it up to get a reaction
2) Its true and he still gets off on it
3) He knows my job ( Im a counsellor) and he sincerely wants help
4) He is a total sicko and should never be released.

My first reaction was to write back and sort of say "are you for real?" but Im hesitating cos if its true, I dont want any more details which just made me think of something else, there couldnt be legal implications could there? Nah I think Im getting ahead of myself! this has really done my head in tonight!
I dont want to be his counsellor, I hear too many horror stories as it is.
Im a bit sad cos he has been my friend for so long........

What would you do if your PP told you something that makes you sick? Would you question them? ignore it? drop them? report them? I dunno..... any feedback appreciated.

Cheers
dreamer

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"The power of the voice instead of the hand ~ the power of the voice makes him a man"

~Koori prison song~

After writing for 2 years he knows you as a person and knows your job SO if what he's telling you is the truth then he obviously feels the time is right to try and get your professional opinions and help on what he's dealing with. After all that time it seems rather odd to try and 'shock' you just for the hell of it so I would go on my gut feelings here - if YOU think he's being honest then he's turned to you because he feels he can trust you - maybe you should try and deal with this on more of a professional level that a friendship level. It's been brought out into the open for a reason so one way or another you have to deal with it (smile)

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They say NOBODY is perfect so just call me NOBODY

I would not report him. He has come to a point where he trusts you and since you are a counselor you may be able to use that to help him. I would tell him exactly how you feel. Maybe he is just trying to get it off his chest. Maybe putting his crime down in writing will help him to really look at it. I don't know. You should follow what your instincts tell you. I never talk to my pp about his crimes. I would probably freak out.

Also you have to remember he's in prison for a crime and so many crimes are really terrible. In all the years I've been writing to prisoners I have had a few who have opened up to me totally about their crimes - it wasn't nice but I allowed them to get it out of their systems. The past is gone and it can never be changed but people CAN change and I feel he's reaching out to you - probably because of your job as he knows your the perfect person to understand and offer him help even if its only a little bit. (smile)

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They say NOBODY is perfect so just call me NOBODY

I would also like to add that that is a pretty long pen pal relationship. It has obviously taken this long for him to open up to you, and to drop him at this point might reinforce any trust issues he has. If you really care about him, you will try to use your education to help him. I know it is not a professional relationship for you, but if a friend is in need I would stop at nothing to help them. If I were a psychiatrist and a friend came to me with emotional issues, I would surely use my training to help them. I really don't think you should drop him at this point. I think after all this time and finally opening up to you, it would really hurt him.

Man thats a tough one hey. I guess my first reaction would be to freak out too but then tell him how it made me feel ithink i would probly stop writing for a while until i got my head around it. I know how hard it is to separate a person from the act especially if they dont seem to get how serious it is. I dont think i would question him about it. As for reporting it I think that i would especially if it was heinously (sp) sick and if it seemed he wasn't penitent about it.
Dreamer i hope this has made sense just what i reckon i would do, Hey I hope your able to work thru it and there are no repercussions for you.
esther

Thanks guys I really appreciate your input. Mo and LeeCee if you had have posted what i did I probably would have given the exact same advice to you!!
I guess Im just sooking lol. I want him as my friend! I DONT WANNA work with him! LOL its just me being selfish! I get paid to listen to unbelievable stories in my prison I dont want them from my friend! I know Im being a ***** but my PP's are my release you know? We have fun and interesting discussions about all sorts of things like we all do, I really dont want to explore this with him. If its true then it is absolutely disgusting to me. Funnily enough in all the years I have worked in prison i have only refused to work with one guy once and he was in for the same offence.
I dont know what to do, i know your advice is sound I just dont know if I have it in me, I think you guys are nicer than me!
Sshugaant, thankyou too for your reply.I think I was over reacting when I mentioned reporting him! It just makes me sick and terribly disappointed
Thanks guys
dreamer

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"The power of the voice instead of the hand ~ the power of the voice makes him a man"

~Koori prison song~

I can not even begin to tell you how you must feel being put in that situation. I will tell you what i personally did when a close 'friend' revealed a murder he took part in ... i reported it to the police. i know i was told in trust, but he also knows the person i am, he knew me long and well enough so he knew what i would ultimately do with this information. I could rave on but i'm sure you will do what is right for the both of you. I also believe if the 'incident' was/is bad enough to need further action then you could always go about it in the appropiate ways, there is much to consider i'm sure. you know what he has revealed and i'm sure you also know why. Hope all works out for the both of you.

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The last of all freedoms is the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances.
G. W. Allport.

Just wanted to add i would not drop my friend or ignore the situation hoping it will go away. What i would do is suport and talk to him, just be honest and tell him the truth of how you are feeling.

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The last of all freedoms is the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances.
G. W. Allport.

LeeCe, i just wanted to ask you a question,... if like you say you would not report this, what would you do if it was a murder and the persons body had still not been found? if some mother, father, brothers, sisters etc, were waiting for news? would you be able to walk away knowing you had the pieces to the puzzle? what if it were YOUR child would you want someone to stand up and say?

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The last of all freedoms is the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances.
G. W. Allport.