Hi all,

it has been a little while since I was here and need a place that I can vent and maybe get some help. my husband is to be off parole the end of this June how ever when I talked to his PO a little while ago and asked about the anger management classes he has to take what is going with that the PO informs me it is up to my husband to take them. I tell this man my husband figures he doesn't them or the drug classes he has to do. the PO tells me I cant make him do the classes and he could end up back in prison till the end of June. I don't have a problem with that what my problem is my husband not doing the classes and the PO telling this time he cant male him do the classes as before he said he had to do them or else he could go back to prison. and we cant be together even when he gets off parole until the classes are completed. since my husband's release in Oct he has been back in the bay area and I am still in San Diego area. Also since he is still using crack I don't want to be around him until he is clean since he very verbally and mentally abusive when he uses the drugs. so w hat can I do and is that correct the PO cant order him to do the classes and we are to remain apart until the classes are completed? I just dont know where else to go and what to do about this. thanks all

What can you do?

Do what is right for you. Someone who is verbally abusive is not going to change without counseling and the willingness to want to change.

The Parole is just like in prison. The state makes recommendation for the offender. They can not force him to take the classes, but they can revoke his parole and have him serve his time out in prison.

When it comes to anger management and people with addictions, they are not going to change or even make the effort to change until they realized and admit they have a problem.

Your husband has an addiction that will likely land him back in prison or in the most severe cases it could kill him.

My suggestion to you is for you to take the al-anon classes and seek your own counseling. This will enable you to see clearly and understand what addiction is and how bad of a disease it is. Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen

I certainly wish you the best and hope you find the right path for yourself. Focus on you first. That is the most important.

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Im probably going to say what you don’t want to hear right now but there is no getting around it. Your husband NEEDS to take these classes on his own. It sounds to me that he is still using and not ready to give that up. The thing about crack is it distorts a person's ability to rationalize and they are very in the moment. Where is the next hit coming from. He is not considering the repercussions of his actions which is going back to prison and losing you.

You sound like a very caring person and I understand that this is hard but its time to consider your own happiness and well being at this point. Just cut the ropes. I would suggest letting him know that you are done with this and he needs to help himself now in order to have a life and a future with you. He needs to decide for himself which path he wants to take. There IS help available to him and he needs to check himself into a drug rehabilitation facility to detox and get off the crack so he can think more clearly and get himself physically and mentally whole again. Then, and only then, can he be with you. I would suggest that if he is using crack cocaine instead of just jumping into the classes.

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"Thats it then, they will go on double, secret, probation..."

I agree with the replys posted above, take care of yourself first.

Crack addiction is way out of your control or league to work with, anger class? He needs drug rehab if anyway possible to detox.

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Also, there are some facilities that he can check into if they have a bed available. They dont always is the thing. If he has no medical insurance or even no job, they will still take him. They usually want a contribution of some kind or they have a sliding scale. So he can still get help and money is no excuse. The good thing about crack and most stimulants is the cleaning out period is not terribly long. It isnt as bad as heroine. No where near as bad. Its just the getting him there part.

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"Thats it then, they will go on double, secret, probation..."

I agree.

Here in ga we have a rehab inside of a prison. It's in brunswick ga. The state can order them to state rehab and that is where they go.

He will only get the help when he admits he has a problem, but as Asha said there are facilities who will help cover the financial means for those unable to do so on their own.

No excuses.

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i would tell u just listen to what ur heart is tellin and what u think is best for u!!!!!!! i was married w/an alcholic guy..... my marriage was full of domestic violence... he would always drink get drunk.... start drama w/me the next day he would alwayz say i'm sorry i won't do it again.which it was just lies . i put up w/him for almost 7yrs. my main reason was because of my kids, but i got to the point where i couldn't be w/him any more not even for my kids. i decided to leave him .i've been happyly divorced for almost 3 yrs!!!!! is amazin after nearly 3 yrs of bein divorced his still tryin to get together. and of course he hasn't change.... all i could say is follow ur heart and good luck.......

It appears that a condition of his release to Parole is to comply with certain directives of the Board of Pardons/Paroles. In that case, regardless of whether his sentence expires at the end of June, his case cannot be closed until he complies with those conditions of release. Generally, the Board will give the inmate a set number of days in which to complete the requirements. If that is not honored, the Parole will be revoked and the inmate will serve out the remainder of his term in prison.