Well said Skye.

x

Yes, one bad apple will always spoil the bunch.

I do not recommend anyone to look for love with inmates. That may come as a shocker to everyone. It isn't that I don't think inmates need love too, they do. The success rate is very low and in a lot of cases those who do go looking for it will get burned.

I also think that a lot of realtionships no matter hard someone works at them still stand a chance of failing. I would like to think mine wouldn't, but the odds are against me. It's a gamble I take.

There are some who give me inspiration, and for that I wish them the best. It is just best to stay grounded and accept that it can happen to you. Once it is in anyones mind that it can't happen to you is exactly when it does happen to you, be that the good or the bad in the situation.

When you feel like someone is 'downing' you, that is when you should look at the big picture. What is being said in the situation? is it the truth? The truth will always hurt, and that is why it is important to consider all of the facts before feeling as if you have been talked bad against.

The truth is that in most relationships with inmates that they will fail. Is someone wrong for pointing that out? I use to think so, but in talks with my guy and with my Priest, they are not wrong for doing so. I only know of 2 relationships that have weathered the storm since incarceration ended. So, who am I to get on the defense when someone points out that these relationships won't work? Noone really, I have to accept the truth, it may not. It doesn't mean I don't love my guy. I do love him, and he as well knows that once released I may not be the way he sees me and vice / versa, and it may not work, but there is a small chance it could.

There is nothing wrong, in my opinion with anyone displaying the truth. Your situation may be different, but accepting what could happen is only opening you both up to the options ahead of you.

__________________

Well said Skye, and I am in agreement with you on not recommending looking for love with a prisoner.

At the same time, it's the hardest yet most rewarding relationship I have ever had. But those doubts still creep up and I'll keep my guard up until he's home and I see his promises kept! :-)

I didn't read the thread that started this, but I know with my special pp, I've said over and over in the letters, we are building a great emotional relationship that I treasure but any that happens will happen when she gets out. She's been wonderful about accepting that.She's in Texas, so we get to wait till November for that phone call.

I also stress that she has got to be strong when she gets on the outside and I think, or I'd like to think I have her talking about her options when she gets out.

I hope we both have the strength to overcome the odds of relationships not working out.

OMG.....i feel so sick.....I am so naive

well skye, you posted some good words. RESPECT. i can't say i found my love match through wap, or that i found a friend, but my pp is actually my ex that i was with back in high school and we very recently re connected. i write him regularly and though he hasn't said he loves me, or asks for money on his books, he does want me to have his baby and he wants to be a father to my daughter and get a pad together.however, i didn't pull the wool over my own eyes, i'm not immune to his charm, or his abilility to be a man with a thousand words, but i'm not dumb enough not to be cautious. i wouldn't be surprised if he was tryna holla at other females.if i was locked up, i'd be running game too and that's str8 up and down like 6 o'clock.you can't be a hater, be a participator. remember:the game is to be sold, not to be told.

Marriage to a prisoner is a difficult life-style choice. The Aleph Institute reports that the divorce rate where one partner to the marriage is incarcerated for one year or more is 85%. This is true, even after the inmate has been released, and the marriage takes place following incarceration, when the relationship was started while one party was incarcerated.

The Aleph Institute, established over 25 years ago, provides non-profit services to prison inmates and their friends/families through counseling and job preparation services. Aleph hosts a number of life-style studies and services to incarcerated individuals, including the Prison Marriage Enrichment Program, and has compiled statistically correct data since its inception. Much of its activities involve pre-marital and post-marital counseling services for prison inmates.

Because of their heavy involvement in such issues, their statistics have been unchallenged, as there is no other centralized form of gathering such data except for the United States Census Bureau. (Most divorce records are kept at State and/or County Court levels, for example.)

Aleph maintains constant contact with its counseling participants and compiles accurate records on the successes and failures of inter-incarceration and post-incarceration relationships.

According to the United States Census Bureau, approximately 50% of civilian-originated marriages end in divorce. Its statistics show a marked increase in divorce for marriages originated while one is incarcerated, or shortly following release from incarceration. Those rates range from 82% to 89% respectively.

On a more personal note....although I commend Peanut and Jon for venturing into a relationship that is going to be challenging for both, I think its a bit premature to unequivocally state that theirs is "an exception to the rule". Just like ANY marriage, it's too soon to make that determination.

Regardless of that, I wish them well, and encourage them both to obtain the necessary counseling that will help enrich the relationship.

What a challenge!!!!

This subject just keeps me thinking.
About Love, and marriages...and divorces ofcourse.
Most marriages I know of are unhappy ones....hmm..just can't find a way out when it comes to this..sighs..

p.s. Thanks for the numbers anyway, LawDog!

Wow skye thanks for sharing that with us...now i know what i must do....

~Jess

I know I'm keeping my guard up. I am connecting and building an emotional bond with one of my PPs but I keep myself aware of reality. He seems kind and hasn't asked for money outright yet but hinted at it once in his fourth correspondence to me.
In a way, I feel what is the use entering into a relationship where you have to do everything. I have to visit, I have to support. If I don't visit or accept and pay for phone calls there won't be any. I don't think it's a good place to put oneself in. I've made it clear to him that I only want friendship and he said he'll wait for me.
I would feel like a fool if I was in a relationship with an inmate then met a nice guy "in the free world" and passed him up. I'm only speaking for myself.
No matter how close we get to someone on the inside we have no real since of them I think. We could get ourselves hurt allowing them inside our homes and not live to tell it.