Hello Everyone...

As you all know my Special PP's time is almost up. And to be honest it scares the day lights out of me. I have always felt secure knowing that he could not go out and do wrong. But in 22 days he can! (Not saying that he will - but that possibilty is there!) Yes we are getting married, yes he is going to parole to AZ, but in the meantime all of the emotions that I am having is making me CRAZEE! He always tells me that he is not going to change up on me, but yet I am still so scared. Some of this may make sense to some and others it may not. I know I need to stay strong and know that all is going to be OK...
Is there anyone out there that had a Special PP released and the relationship work?? I always hear my special PP got out, he called and I have never heard from him again. I DO NOT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN. I will be with my speical PP when he walks out those gates, I will drive my PP to Chicago and stay with him for a week, and hope that his PO allows him to come to Phoenix for the holidays... But still the whole BIG word "SCARED" is flashing above my head!!!!
Sorry I just had to get this off my chest today. It has been bothering me for awhile and no one seems to understand what I am feeling. And I am sure that some WAPsters will.
Thanks for listening and hope everyone has a great day!!

Hi Cami..always think truly to the future and make your dreams come true. He tells you that he's not going to change up on you. You got to have faith in his words, because you love him. Don't be afraid of tommorow for it not yet come. You have to be tough for both of you.

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"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

Hey there LuvnJBinIL, . Your post brings to mind an old quote I really like. I am pretty sure it was "Winston Churchill" who said "The Only Thing We Have To Fear, Is Fear Itself". Why be afraid of something that has not yet happened, And perhaps never will? I would like to think you're special PP has learned from his mistake, and wont do anything like that again. Give the guy a chance sweety. Worse-case scenario is that he might do something illegal, and then you go you're own way. Like I said though, Hopefully he has learned his lesson, and will be a productive member of society from now on. Dont treat him any different than you would any-other friend, until he gives you reason to. He really does deserve at least that much from you. I can understand you're being a bit on edge about the whole thing, But hang in there hun, you guy's will do just fine, I'll be praying for you both. God-Bless to you both! Rocko

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"Mankind must put an end to war, Or war will put an end to mankind". John F. Kennedy.

You have to have faith in one another.....

There are no guarantees
Life throws things at you
You can catch or miss them
But they will come, ready or not

I always looked for the real thing
Never trusting in the possibility
Risk-taking not my forte
Staying safe at all costs

Even playing it safe is not certain
Safe has hurt me
Zero risk gets zero gain
Sometimes playing it safe costs you more

It has me,
In not fighting the battle
you may lose the war
In not believing in a dream
You may never sleep peacefully again

So let go of the fear
Reach out for the flame
So what if you get burned
Better that then numb for life

Better to remember passion and joy
Along with the pain and tears
Then to have no memories worth
Remembering

So to hell with safe
I am going to gamble and bet
Until I win back everything I lost
And my life is what it was meant to be

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Silverparrot

http://www.myspace.com/Silverparrot

Friends in your life are like pillars on your porch.
Sometimes they hold you up and sometimes they lean on you.
Sometimes it's just enough to know they're standing by.

~~"My tears do not compromise my strength"...~~

Came across this that I posted a while ago thought it might help you...

Doubts about your relationship???

Are you currently in a relationship with a prisoner and have doubts? Well let me share what has been revealed to me just this past summer….

I guess I will start from the beginning. I met this guy in prison through a mutual friend that was already locked up. It seemed so odd at the time, but I thought that my friend had a good reason for passing along my address.

Anyway about five years ago I received my first letter from my Boo! I was a little cautious about the whole situation. I thought to my self “I will just write a couple of letters and that would be it; it won’t lead to any thing serious.”

But was I wrong! Over the years we slowly developed a special relationship that is was just truly amazing. The first few years it was just general talk. But I found myself opening up to him more and more. It felt good to have someone to listen to my problems and understand some of the things that I was going through. And at the same time I was there for him. Slowly we began exchanging personal information to each other that I would have never imagined sharing with a man. You know my desires, my dreams, my wishes, my fantasies, etc.

It is to the point now where we think, talk, and even act a like. When I write him, I already know how he will respond. It’s crazy, actually it’s a little scary, but at the same time, the love that he gives me feels so good. I think that if he is not my soul mate or that special one for me he is close to it!

But with all this love that we have for each other, I was about to ruin the relationship with my DOUBTS! Many times in the past I questioned weather he could actually love me the way he says he does? Or when he is released will he have a change of heart? And millions of negative what if’s. But they are understandable doubts.

Last month I told my guy to admit that when he got out there was a strong possibility that we would not be together. (I just wanted a reason to not to love him as much as I did, I would be able to hold back some of my love.) But he refused to do that and told me that “If I [meaning him] don’t believe in the relationship then who will?” I found this to be so true. In order for any relationship to work, both people have to believe in it. And when you doubting it from the start, you are ending it before it even starts.

Also when you believe in something, you must stand up defend it. Don’t let other people make decisions about love for you. Don’t worry about what others might say. Listen to your heart. If you are truly using your heart, then it will never steer you wrong.

Instead of wasting all of your energy into negative what if’s, transfer all that energy into supporting and encouraging your partner to stay strong. Cherish the letters that he/she writes, the phone calls, the cards, etc. today. Things will happen the way they meant to in the end.

Another thing that you have to realize, no matter if your man/woman is a prisoner or free love is always a GAMBLE! Many people are quick to have bad feelings about people loving prisoners, but anyone can cheat, anyone can lie, anyone can use you. It just goes back to you listening to your heart.

And even if it does not work out, you know that person was brought into your life for a certain reason, and many times it is to teach you about yourself. Love is the greatest emotion of all!! Never give up on love!

unknown

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Silverparrot

http://www.myspace.com/Silverparrot

Friends in your life are like pillars on your porch.
Sometimes they hold you up and sometimes they lean on you.
Sometimes it's just enough to know they're standing by.

~~"My tears do not compromise my strength"...~~

I don't mean to rain on your parade, but please hear me out.......

It's wonderful that you have found love, for BOTH of you. And while these relationships do sometimes work out, all too often they do not. I think one of the main reasons for this is because we tend to have a dream of how it will be when our significant other is released. We also tend to dream while looking through rose colored glasses.

You can just ask Peanut.....These relationships take a LOT of HARD WORK! You must realize that there are obstacles you'll have to deal with that you wouldn't have to with someone who has never been incarcerated. Prison changes the way a person thinks, feels and reacts in many cases. There are issues that your man has had to deal with alone for a long time, and it's not going to be easy for him to open up to you like you'd like. At least not at first.

There are issues you'll have to think about, such as...It's going to be hard for your man to find work. Unfortuately, a great many of society do not see former inmates as being trustworthy. Therefore, few are willing to give a guy a chance to prove himself. Are you prepared to support this man, for what possibly could be a very long time? When I say support, I mean both emotionally, AND financially. And remember, if you're having a tough time making ends meet now, what will it be when you have an extra person you have to take care of? It gets old really fast, and as I'm sure you know, a great many relationships go sour over finances. Sad but true.

And finally, I'm concerned that you are feeling scared. Oh it's a good thing to have second guessing to come into play. Kinda reassessing the situation, that is good. But for you to feel really scared, to me, it says you need to take a step back and THINK! What exactly are you afraid of? Are you afraid of losing this man? Are you afraid the relationship may go sour? Are you afraid for YOU, for HIM, or whom? It's time to sit down and have a long conversation with yourself. It just might be that your gut instinct is trying to tell you something, but you're too caught up in what you feel to listen.

I'm not saying this is the case, for I do not know. It's just that I am concerned for you. Only YOU can answer within yourself where your worries come from. And only TIME will tell if this is right for either of you. My best advice would be not to rush into anything. If the love you have is real, enduring love, it will last long enough for you see if you are meant to be. It's much easier to NOT do something, than to get out of something you've done. Take your time and think it through.

I sincerely hope this will be a success story. I wish you the best, just be careful!

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When a friend makes a mistake, a TRUE friend doesn't rub it IN. Instead, like an eraser, he rubs it OUT!

I just want to say Thank you for all of the kind word and the reality check from Broken One. Reality Check's are always a good thing! When I say I am scared, I am scared of the what if's? Not him, me or other people. Some "what if's" are small and some are big... I am one of those people that do not allow the negative things to get to me. I consider the source. Now if it was my parents, family or close friends, then I might have to listen and hear them out. But I have been through a very long journey with this man over the last 2 years. And I just don't want it to end in 21 days. I am very thankful that financially I can afford to stand the time of his employment situation. But I will not sit here and tell anyone that I am totally mentally prepared for all of this. Because I know I am not. I don't think that anyone really can be. I will talk to him today about many things that I have been thinking and see what he has to say. I know this is going to be another journey with him after he gets out.
But Once Again - Thank you to everyone... And as always - I will keep you posted!

Thank you for your 2 posts also. They were very helpful and I enjoyed reading them!