I am just sick to death, of how women who are involved in romantic relationships with inmates, are portrayed in the media, and perceived by the general public. Anyone else out here feel the same way?

I have heard all of the theories about why women are drawn to or fall in love with men serving time, and I think while some of those theories may hold true in SOME instances, it is unfair to make such broad generalizations.

From what I have read, these so-called "experts" have NOTHING positive to say about us. We are all desperate and lonely, with low self-esteem! Or we seek out these men because we crave attention, and seek notoriety.

I can only speak for myself, but the truth of the matter is I NEVER expected(nor desired) to find love, when I first started writing to inmates. I JUST wanted to reach out to another human being, who had been all but forgotten, and discarded like trash, by society. Is that so wrong? Is that so hard to believe?

I wound up falling in love, but it was not by choice. I can't help how I feel. I believe that he is a good man deep down inside, who just made some bad choices. I also believe that he is deserving of compassion, because he lived such a hard life. But of course one of these people will come along, and tell me that I am in denial, and just deluding myself. What does that mean? That people are not capable of personal growth and change? That we should just give up on them? Forget about them? GRRRR.

I've even heard comments like "let one of these women spend a few hours in a cell with this guy". Well, fine with me! I would in a heartbeat! I know he loves me, and would NEVER do anything to harm me.

I know that there are some women that will follow high profile court cases, and deliberately seek out men like Scott Peterson and Richard Ramirez or Ted Bundy. I can't speak for them. But there are some of us, who didn't anticipate that we would fall in love. It was something beyond our control.

And not all women who fall in love with high profile killer's are necessarily drawn to them, because of the sensational nature of their crime, and the attention they have attracted.

For instance, the woman who married Eric Menendez was interviewed on "Larry King" a while back, and she did NOT seem like the attention seeking type AT ALL. She was VERY soft spoken, and even a little timid. I don't know how to explain it, but when she spoke about her love for Eric, I had a gut feeling, that she was speaking from the heart.

Other's may see it differently, but to me, she came across as an exceptionally compassionate, caring woman, who felt a kinship with this man, because she too had endured a lot of heartache and pain in her own life.

Of course, unlike Ramirez for instance, I do not believe Eric Menendez to be a cold-blooded murderer. I think that the circumstances leading up to the shooting deaths of their parents should have been given more weight during the court proceedings. The horrific abuse the brother's endured at the hands of a man who was supossed to love and protect them, was heartbreaking, and should have been taken into consideration. I feel that LWOP was too harsh, and that these men are deserving of a second chance. I firmly believe that neither of them are a danger. But that is another topic altogher.

Anyway, as far as I know their marriage has withstood the test of time. The two of them even collaborated on a book("They Said We'd Never Make It: My Life with Eric Menendez&quot which I would like to get my hands on.

The point is this woman was attractive, intelligent, well-spoken, a loving mother etc. Not some nut! Yet the media tends to focus on the more sensational cases, and refuses to see the other side. So sad.

What do you all think? I am especially interested in hearing from those of you who have boyfriends/husbands in prison. And if there are men out there that are involved with their female pen pals I would like to hear their thoughts too.

I just needed to vent! LOL I love my man with all of my heart, and consider him a blessing to my life, and such comments are very hurtful.

Lisa

Lisa i totally understand where you are coming from. I am in love with my pp and i take alot of flack for it.Ill admit i thought those women were crazy before i became one of them.People arent gonna understand until they are in our shoes.I am not lonley and i have great self esteem.I could have a man out here if i wanted one but it just happened to be that my prince charming is behind bars.I dont let it bother me anymore because they will all be eating there words when he gets out and we stay together.Not everyone is as compassionate to inamtes as we are because they dont know any better.

JESS

BOOKWORM, It is your life. I wouldn't defensive or upset over what "others" think. Knowing the risks and difficulties that a felony record presents, you are at least going into the choice that you have made with your eyes open. Every day we face risks and there are no guarantees in life. Happiness comes and goes. I learned a long time ago, you can't please everybody...don't even try. Granted, these are all hackneyed phrases, but they have served us well.

insert BE

Lisa, I know exactly how it feels. I married an inmate a month ago today and everyday (almost) I get the "why did you marry an inmate".Someone asked me that the other day and my response was...Ya know I was really bored one day and thought to myself what can i do today, so I got on my pc and found an inmate and said to myself..hey, i think I'll marry this guy and see what happens..Jeezzzzzzzzzzzz, stop asking stupid questions and I will stop giving stupid answers. Come on now, why do most people get married?? Because they have found their soulmate and are madly deeply in love with that person.it shouldnt matter where he is or why as long as I am happy,then dang it, be happy for me and stop worryin about where he is...whew, sorry for the long post.....Kristi

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Mrs. Brown

Kristi:

Congratulation on your marriage! I hope that the two of you will be blessed with a lifetime of happiness.

BTW, I thought your sarcastic response to that REALLY DUMB question("Why did you marry an inmate?) was funny! Great come back. I bet that gave e'm somethin to think about! LOL

CET:

You are right. I shouldn't be so concerned with other people's opinions, that are often based on ignorance anyhow. But I am a sensitive person by nature, and my feelings get hurt easily. And I get VERY upset when someone speaks ill of my special pal, and become as defensive as a lioness protecting her cubs! As far as I am concerned, they have no right to judge someone that they don't even know. And what makes it even worse, is that he is not around to defend himself!

Jess:

My sentiments exactly. One day he will be a free man, and all of those big mouths will be in for the shock of their lives, when the two of us live happily ever after! He treats me well, which is more than I can say for the men some of the women I know ended up with! Best of luck to the both of you Jess.

One thing that really bother's me, is that all of these so-called "experts" are SUPOSSED to be well-educated people. SO, one one would think they would know better than to make such broad generalizations, and stereotype people.

People who write to inmates, and the women who fall in love with them, come from all walks of life, and each of us have our own reasons. And those reasons are just as varied as the women.

Lisa

I know what you're feeling, and I've been on both sides of the fence.

You have to keep in mind that the people who ask you these questions, or have preconceived notions are those who haven't learned one lesson in life. Allow me to share my philosophy.....

Throughout life, we have seen and heard people say or do things in question of whom another loves. As an example, I grew up in the deep south where interracial relationships were taboo. Black or white, neither 'side' respected you if you chose to be in a relationship with someone of another race. That made me think. Many, many years ago people of different races were 'guilty' of loving someone of another race. They were told how 'bad' it was and often times, the relationships were severed, or worse....the young lovers would commit suicide. After thinking about it, I came up with this....

The HEART doesn't see color, nor the mistakes of another. It simply sees another heart that shares the same feelings and emotions that it does. It loves freely, not asking anything in return. Yet, when that same love is returned, it causes love to grow in that heart which in turn, spreads that love to others. It continues in a cycle, a never ending chain called Unconditional Love.

Who are we as a 'civilized' people to judge who someone else loves or why? Is it anyone's business? NO! Why not? Because we are the ones who have to deal with whatever our personal choices bring. Whatever that may be. If we make mistakes, if we trust the wrong person, if we hurt.....It is up to us to get through it. We alone have to answer before our God for whatever wrong we do. Yet, whatever our religion may be, it is usually rooted in teaching us to love. Whether it is love for our fellow man, or for our earth and surroundings. So, in my opinion, it is never wrong to love ANYONE. People may not agree with our choices, but a real friend will not judge us. Yet they will be there to help us mend a broken heart should it not work out the way that we'd planned, without saying, "I TOLD you so!"

Bookworm, don't allow narrow minded people to bring you down. I sense that you are a very loving and forgiving soul. The world needs more of that, so don't let another's ignorance change that.

I have been where you are, and I know the pain first hand. I also know the ridicule you get, and how you simply do not share some of the things in your life that make you the happiest with certain people simply because you don't want the lectures that are sure to come. While they mean well, they simply do not understand.

Keep your heart open, and don't let a few with closed minds change what makes you happy.

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When a friend makes a mistake, a TRUE friend doesn't rub it IN. Instead, like an eraser, he rubs it OUT!

I do agree with you, it must be upsetting, to hear and read what is being said = the media tend really not to give inmates 'a chance', the majority of them.

I have never been involved with an inmate, and living sooo far away, don't think that I will be, but hey.. you never know... can't say for certain, can I? But just remember that it doesn't matter what other people think - as long as YOU are happy with who you are, where you are and what you have, then you are doing well!!!!!!