In my search for a new pal (or two), I have ran across 3-4 death row inmate ads that have caught my interest. I am contemplating writing to one.... BUT, first I would like some input and advice from the people here at WAP. I am wanting to make sure that writing to an inmate on DR would be "right" for me, as well as allow me to be supportive and understanding of the inmate.

First of all... let me say that I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THE DEATH PENALTY!

I am sure it is not like writing to a short or long timer because unless appeals move them off of DR, their future is set on a scheduled execution date, and I am wondering how those of you who write to DR inmates are able to handle that? I welcome any advice you could give me on how to get through it. I mean, I am sure it comes up in letters, maybe, from time to time. What do you say when it does? How do you cope and help this person cope, as well? It has to be extremely emotional to write to someone who is sentenced to death, knowing that eventually they will have a "set" date.

Any and all advice would be MUCH appreciated! Thanks all in advance!!

"Tiffers"

P.S. I am sure this will not be the only time that I come here for advice on this matter, so I hope that no one is offended by me asking. I just need some input in order to make the right decision not only for myself but for the DR inmate I may decide to write. This is more or less going to help me make my decision of wheather I should or not.

Hi Tiffers,

I started out writing to penpals and only wrote to death row inmates. For me, I felt they were the ones who needed a friend the most. I went in with the understanding that more than likely their lives would be ended by the state, and decided the good that could come from it was better than the negatives. I don't ask my penpals anything they don't offer about their case except perhaps where it is in the appeals process once we have established a friendship. From what I've heard on the board and from my penpals, death row inmates seem to be more "relaxed" (if that's possible), friendly, open, giving and honest. Several of my pals said to me that they're now fighting for their lives, so they don't give jealously, games, lies, or violence any part of that. Also, many death row inmates are in prison for upwards of 10 - 30 years during lengthy court appeals which is a significant amount of time to build a new friendship. I would recommend you write to someone on death row if you feel you can handle it, but I would say only do it if you can commit to writing in the long run, as they come to depend on having us in their lives, and don't have a 4 year sentence where you may no longer hear from them upon release. Good luck!


a

Tiffers,

I have no experience with writing inmates on DR. I just wanted to drop by and give you a big warm welcome to our forum

Don't feel weird about asking questions - because we're all here to help each other out and I'm sure that some other people will come along and tell you about their experiences

I could say so much on how i feel about all of this, my friend was executed last month.
Honestly though, only you will know if you can handle getting close to someone sharing your days and life, only to find one day they will be taken from you with a predetermined date. I thought i was doing really well, until i recieved a card in the mail from him the day he was murdered by the state. I still cannot talk about him without tears coming to my eyes. For me i have a great faith, but at times it still is an emotional rollercoaster. I went through a whole gammit of emotions, anger, hurt, denial, you name it, i'm sure i felt it. (smiles)
I cope like i do with the rest of life, one day at a time, one letter at a time with my other friends on Death Row that i now have chosen to write. You will know how to i'm sure. Just have faith in your own abilities.
Personally i am glad i picked up the pen, and have learnt so much in the process. If i had the choice again, i would of written him sooner. I actually came and asked on WAP for advice, as he did not have an ad up and i was researching the DP.
You will make the right decision for you and your new found friend, i'm sure.

Thanks so much for the input thus far. It is much appreciated.

If anyone else has any other input or advice on this subject, it would be greatly appreciated! Again, thanking all of you in advance.

"Tiffers"

Tiffers,,, I too never wrote to anyone on DR,,,, I wrote to two lifers,,,, in the end,, I lost both to natural causes's ,,, sure not the same as having a known day may sometime come,,,yet,,,it could be 20 30 yrs ,,,hard telling,,,, I only got to write approx 2 yrs to the one when he passed and it was hard,,,,,he hide best he could the fact his heath was a bad as it was,,, yet,, one day out of the blue,,,he called unexpected,,,,never abused calling and always asked first,,, it was in an indirect way to say he knew he was dying,,,and apologized for the unexpected call,,, needed to hear my voice,,on hanging up I knew it was over,,, one more half written letter so weak,,, soon later and he was gone,,,,it hurt like hades,,,,, yet,,, I and I am sure he would not have changed the time we had together,,, and he sure showed his appreciation,,of being there,, his brother sent me his only thing left he had left thru life, his class ring ,,, I will cherish and remember him forever..,.. I also go to that state once in awhile ... I promised while there ,, I would place a red rose on his burial place,,,, that is the first gift he sent me ,,, he made in prison out of matches ,,,, glued together and painted red.... in a art class he took,,,,

It comes down to what u think U can handle and be able to hang in for may be long term.....good luck on your decision,,,,

__________________

Awww Peanut, that is so sad!!! I am truly sorry to hear about losing your pal. Bless your heart! I know that had to be hard on you. BUT... how amazing... he stil allowed you to see and know how much your friendship and kindness meant to him, by allowing his brother to pass along his class ring to you. That is PRICELESS!!

I have no worries or problem KNOWING I would be a pal from now on to anyone. I loved the feeling I got with my former pen pal. Well, I say former as if we aren't in contact anymore, when in fact we are. We just don't write letters since he's out, however, we do exchange cards and things of that nature. We talk on the phone 2-3-4 times a month now, and he's one of the best friends and confidents I have. We can talk about anything and everything... conversation just goes on and on.

I've seen this man come a looong way since I first wrote to him, and I am sooo PROUD that he is doing so good. I also saw what I was able to do for him by supporting him, and being his friend, sharing our opinions with one another, and allowing him to know that even though he felt he was carrying the world on his shoulders... I showed him that someone "out here" could believe in him and be there as a true and sincere friend, without abandoning him, and filling his head full of false promises... just to walk away. And... the wonderful part of that is that it made me feel like I MADE A DIFFERENCE, because I did. It's more than most of his family did for him, and he was really amazed that a "stranger" could be so interested with what was happening in his life.

I know we only wrote to one another for 3 years, but I would still be writing him if he wasn't out. Long term is not a problem for me. Since writing him... I have changed and I feel it's made me a better person... and I want to continue to be that better person and touch someone else's life. (Am I making sense here??? LOL)

Him and I talked this week about me writing to a DR inmate and he thinks I would be a great pal... but he said he worries because of the emotional stress it could put on me. I've thought a lot about it, and I HONESTLY believe I would be fine with it. Life is full of emotions and ups and downs... that's just how it is. We all have losses in our lives, and my pal told me that I shouldn't be afraid to write to someone on DR just because I'm afraid of the emotional side of it... however, he will still worry about me. He asked me how I thought the person serving the time on DR felt... being they are the one in that situation and not me... got me to thinking. And you know what???... he's 100% RIGHT! So, I am going to chose one of the narrowed down list of DR inmates that I have and write. I'm sure it will be the beginning of a wonderful new friendship!!!~ I'll post back here when my letter goes out in the early part of the week.

Also, if anyone else would like to leave anymore, advice, thoughts or comments about writing to a DR inmate... please do so. This is a new experiance for me, and I can use all the help I can get with it.

"Tiffers"

P.S. Sorry for the ramble.

All i want to say is, happy writing. My good friend said exactly the same to me about taking on other pals on DR as your friend has.(smiles)
By the sounds of it, you will make a great friend to anyone you choose. Only hope what you give out will be returned 10 fold.

Wow Smiley. I didnt realise that your friend had been executed. I havent been on the forum for a while. Im very sorry to hear about that. It must have been a terrible time for you.
I write to two people on death row. One is in the US and has been there since the 80's. He is very relaxed about the whole thing now and helps the younger guys learn to cope with the experience. He says he has come to a point where he intends to enjoy the life that he has got and not waste every day of it worry about the end. I have been writing to him for 2 years. I am a huge part of his life now. I didnt realise when I started writing just how much he would come to depend on me. Its a huge responsibility, but very enjoyable, the benefits run both ways. He enriches our lives as much as we do to his. It will be a very hard day for me when his date comes. I try not to think about it.
I also write to someone on death row in Zambia. He is not a murderer but is on death row anyway, for armed robbery. He is very sick with AIDS and is starving in the prison. The conditions there are very unsanitary and the men only get fed once a day (a bowl of porridge or rice). I recently sent him a parcel of food and at the moment a church is helping me to raise money to help feed him and the 5 men in his cell. (you can read about it on my blog in my profile - search 'prison' in the blog search bar). If he is executed he will be hanged but I rather think that the AIDS will get to him first. I have found writing to him very hard but very rewarding. How many people in this world can truly say that they make a difference in someones life? Many people just go through life thinking about themselves, and they miss out on the rewards and fulfillment offered through caring for others less fortunate.

Cleo