Oh Thank God, you would wear out in two more yrs at 290 pgs a month !!!! lol

Oh by the way Roxanne, congrats on the 13 yrs, I am so happy for you both!!! So is Jon ...

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Numbercruncher ~ I kinda see what you are saying. My pals are either LWOP or on DR, and I consciously picked them knowing it would be for as long as they wanted to write. It's a different kind of relationship to the one I have with Hubby, not as intense obviously, but still as committed in other ways. My pals know they can expect a letter every 4-6 weeks from me, so there is no pressure to write once or twice a week. But it really would be their decision to stop and not mine because I knew what I was committing to when I started. Plus, they all know they are not the "only one", and they all have other pals too, so there is really no competition between anyone and no opportunity for jealousy.

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$10,000 for 'new server'...
$700 per month for running costs...
lieing and taking advantage of vulnerable people ~ priceless

QUINT, you are correct, there are a lot of relationship haters on this site, & until people like that have walked in our shoes they need to mind their own business. Its fine & dandy to warn people about potential Penpal - inmate issues, but to go over the top & insult both the Penpal & the inmate is not acceptable.
Getting back onto the subject, Im sure it must be incredibly difficult for anyone to adjust to life on the outside, when they have been incarcerated for a long period of time. My fiancee is in Limon in CO & still has a long time to go, but hopefully his appeal will change things, anyway its difficult to handle being away from him for so long, takes guts & determination, and a special kind of love, to endure all we do. As for writing to a PP for a long period of time, l have read a few stories on here where people have been friends for a few years, its just like in the free world friends come & they go, its how we evolve.

How can we all be relationship haters, if we all have relationships of some kind with the incarcerated??? Fight prison for abuse inside etc etc?

Yes, it does take guts and determination on the inmates part and the one outside, or who married them after many yrs inside...or while still inside.

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I agree Peanut.

How can any one who writes an inmate be a relationship hater? All of us who write inmates have a relationship of some degree with an inmate.

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William Jennings Bryan

Time. Time answers all questions. Being involved with an inmate takes a LOT of patience. Especially when you're depending on the pony express to deliver your mail.

Taking time prevents both partners from getting 'love' confused with infatuation or attraction.

Taking the time will not only define what you are feeling, but make you stronger.


There really is no real preparation for release. They have pre-release programs,but they do little in setting them up for success after incarceration.

You have to contend with the second sentence they face with society, blending in and finding a job and/or home. Not to mention the stresses of someone being gone a long time and having to learn new things that have come into society.

When my uncle got out after 15 years, he struggled with simple things, such as using an ATM card, or cell phone with text messaging. Simple to me, I evolved with technology, he was kept away from it, and it was an added stress to him.

Patience. Love and Support.

Some find out that the 'outside' him isn't the one for them. It is sad but true.

I think the best way to learn the 'outside' him is not to pressure him, and don't compare him to who you expected him to be. Even those on the outside writing in are the same person the inmate expected to have waiting at home for them.

If you do your research, speak to family and friends who knew the 'outside' him you will have an idea of what to expect. You can somewhat find the fair balance between the two personalities and have an idea of what type of support he may or may not need once he is home.

I think it is best not to put pressure on him. Give him time to show you who he really is.

If you don't invest time and patience into this, you are stacking the odds against you.

Believing he/she will be the same as the person in the letters is doing yourself a huge disservice. You're only setting yourself up for heartache.

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William Jennings Bryan

Hello Roxanne, I just want to know if I understand correctly. Are you and your husband still together and is he out of prison?? If so, how have you guys made your relationship work?

Hopefully hnesty has ruled in all your sharing so you know th ewpp's entire life and all the hills and valleys of their life. When my 'friend" got out I took him into my life, house & postal keys and trust. Well he did do alcohol and drugs for 10 weeks before leaving (love is blind) and then returning that night to get an AA desire chip and to commit to a real realtionship. That was August 4,1988, we are still together as a gay couple. I had to learn all about his fears, his past and share all of mine as thet is how we could be there for each other, though jail, probation (10 years) and now as I think about retirement. I had always heard that 2 could live a cheaply as one and know today that is a myth! I wish everyone a great adventure...just too hot here to do much else!

call me a romantic but personally i dont think there should be a fine line between the whole prison thing compared to people who are out .. you can know someone for years and not truly know them and no relationship regardless of where it was formed will be all roses and glory it takes the first year to find out if they will be the same person or not ..regardless if there on the inside of a prison or out of it unless you have known them for years before they went in .. and not all of them are going to try to misslead someone .. oddly enough alot discourage prison romance yet its ok for online dating ..go figure

I find it funny that there's such an anti-prison relationship sentiment, too. But it makes me feel kinda bad as well. Inmates are people, too. A lot of them are capable of love and a lot of them are capable of using and abusing just like free people are. I just think it's so weird when some people try to denigrate relationships between free people and inmates. Inmates have already had their freedom taken away from them. Granted, a lot of them did something to deserve that. But why treat them like they're inhuman?