One of my new found PP is serving life. I got my first letter last week and I was filled with so many emotions. This man is in his cell with NOTHING for 22 1/2 hours a day. I feel for him and can't imagine being in that situation. I am also confused as why someone would let them self wind up like that. If he knew the consequences why would do something that landed him in total isolation for the rest of his life. I plan on writing him back in the next few days to cheer him up but part of me wants to ask him the questions I just posed. Do you think I should ask him?

Seattlegirl, I don't think you should pose those questions this early. Get to know him just like you would anyone else and he may give you answers without even asking.

If you ask why and how too soon, he may feel as though you'll cast judgment on him.

My opinion is slightly different. As for me and the person I am naturally - I pose any question that comes to my mind. I let all the people I wrote know that I am blunt and honest and will not hold anything back. I told them that I will never judge them but will ask any question that I want. However, I have total respect for their decision on whether or not to answer it. In fact, just today I received my first response from one of my pen pals and he addressed the question that I asked him in my very first letter. I just jump right in and start asking the thought provoking questions. I asked him, ¡§How could you do that?¡¨ Reason being, because I wanted to know the circumstances. His response was very different from what I expected. I had a misconception of what ¡§Injury and Theft to an Elderly¡¨ can encompass. I had this ignorant view that it meant that he just walked right up to an elderly person and beat them up and grabbed their wallet. That is so not the case at all. So, I say ¡V if you are the type of person that is not offend if someone poses a question to you ¡V then ask away, but be prepared for a response of ¡§That is none of your damn business¡¨ ƒº

My reasoning for writing these inmates is to give me a better understanding of the different type of people out there, to give a smile through a letter and to let them know that regardless of past doings, there are people out there who will accept them for who they are, not what they have done. We all make mistakes. I bet your PP might welcome the opportunity to tell his story.

"....... My reasoning for writing these inmates is to give me a better understanding of the different type of people out there, to give a smile through a letter and to let them know that regardless of past doings, there are people out there who will accept them for who they are, not what they have done. We all make mistakes. I bet your PP might welcome the opportunity to tell his story....."

(borrowed from dintx4u)

My sentiments EXACTLY!! I couldnt have said it better myself.

And i too, ask many many ??s of all my pals, different people, different ??s but anything that comes to my mind while thinking or writing to them.. i ask... and they answer... and yes, it is amazing how they DO seem to want to tell their story - their way.. And that.. I like

There's nothing wrong at all with asking questions, but IMO, just as in the relationships you have with folks on the outside, there's a rhythm to these types of things. It sounds as if you're in the "just getting acquainted stages" of your friendship. Since friendships with the incarcerated follow about the same guidelines as the ones on the outside, I would keep his dignity in mind and show him the same respect regarding his privacy and his personal “time schedule” for talking about items of that nature that I would to my family and free friends.

From my personal experience, I don’t ask about their crimes but most of my pals have told me all about them within the first few letters without any prompting from me. When it comes to this, I tried to allow them to operate from within their comfort zone. So far, for me, it has worked out well.

MIR,
I agree 100% because a few of my Dudes already made it clear,,,face to face is when you get details,,they dont write anything in letters that they would not want the po po to read as well, in regards to their case,,especially in the feds because certain people's mail is read daily and thoroughly. Also I dont see my dudes as specimens to be examined under a microscope,,they have already been grilled and found guilty and they probably have already re-hashed the crime a million times by the time they get to being on a web site. Altho questions are expected, we are still strangers and are not entitled to anything just because we write them. In fact we are being invited,,,even tho we think we are "choosing". And I am not pointing any fingers just free flowing with thoughts in case anyone thinks I am coming down on them,,I not...LOL!

I agree with MIR and Wobabi on this one,,, my same feelings and thoughts on.

As a curious type peerson, I think that curiosity is natural. I think that you ask the questions, and then your PP can simply ignore them, or explain that they may be able to talk about it in the future. I think that most of them are accepting of the fact that they are outside the norm, and so, people are naturally going to be curious about why they are there.
In one way this may be a test. A good PP will live with your curiosity. A poor one will split and run. Either way, you may soon have your answer to that one.
Happy writing.

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