A few weeks ago I posted the story about this person who was found innocent after serving 18 years in prison...this is about the victim of that crime.


A woman who was sexually assaulted learned recently that her nightmares included the wrong man - a nightmare in itself.

Steven Avery spent nearly 18 years in prison after she identified him wrongly as the man who assaulted her. You could say she feels horrible, but that would be an understatement.

For 10 years, she has been an activist in prisons where she fought for justice, and she can't believe that now she is part of a great injustice.

In a letter she mailed to Avery on Friday, she wrote:

"I cannot ask for, nor do I deserve, your forgiveness. I can only say to you, in deepest humility, how profoundly sorry I am."

During an interview last week, she said, "My nightmares had Mr. Avery in them, my flashbacks were Steven Avery.

"I work for peace and justice and I feel I'm doing some good, and I find out that I'm part of a huge miscarriage of justice."

After Avery's recent release from prison, he was quoted as saying that he didn't blame her.

"His comments upon his release are probably one of the most grace-filled things ever said to me," she said.

A former Manitowoc businesswoman, she is 54 years old, intelligent, vivacious and so concerned that she often stopped while being interviewed and wondered if something she'd just said might hurt someone. She feels guilt about so many things that friends tell her that she wasn't responsible for the Vietnam War or the sacking of Rome.

She is a charming, extremely caring person who volunteers at a hospice because she values life so much. Many prisoners admire her courage and respect what she has accomplished in trying to help them; they've written to her recently and defended her in the assault case, as she has defended them as human beings, not monsters.

In the past, she has spoken to prisoners, including rapists, in discussion groups, about "taking responsibility for decisions that hurt people."

Following the same advice she has given prisoners, she said, "writing that letter to Mr. Avery is part of my responsibility."

Recent DNA tests linked Gregory A. Allen - not Avery - to her assault.

The 1985 investigation by the Manitowoc County Sheriff's Department and prosecution of Avery by that county's district attorney's office have been criticized in recent news accounts. Her close friend and lawyer, Janine Geske, a former justice of the Wisconsin Supreme Court, questioned the conduct of the Sheriff's Department and the prosecutors' office:

After the assault, investigators had the woman re-enact the assault where it took place, with her attacker portrayed by her husband.
"I'm appalled," Geske said.

One of the reasons Avery was probably a suspect was because he had been charged in an altercation with a female relative of a sheriff's deputy.
Avery was the only member of a lineup who had been in a group of photos sheriff's deputies showed the woman. It was not surprising that she identified Avery in the lineup, Geske said.
Some people in law enforcement knew about Allen's attack of a woman near the area where the aforementioned attack occurred. Geske wondered if Avery's lawyer was told about Allen, as is required when the prosecution has possible exculpatory evidence.
***
She dislikes the word victim: She contributed nothing to being a victim, but contributed nearly everything to being a survivor, a description she prefers.

On July 29, 1985, this survivor, who was 36 then, was with her husband and their daughter at a beach on Lake Michigan not far from the Manitowoc area. The survivor was reading a book about Lizzie Borden, a 19th-century woman who was said to have killed her parents with a hatchet.

"I can't believe I'm reading this gruesome book on such a beautiful day," she said.

She left her family and went for a jog, which was ended by the ferocious assault.

A man grabbed and dragged her into an area of trees and brush and sexually assaulted her. He smashed her face. She even had cuts on the back of her head where it had been slammed against a rock or tree root.

"I tried to kick him in the groin," she said, "and it enraged him."

"Now I'm going to kill you, now you're going to die," he said.

"He started strangling me and, eventually, I lost consciousness," she said.

Afterward, she thinks the man may have watched to see if she were dead.

She remembered thinking about her family, and remembering that she hadn't kissed her son goodbye and told him she loved him when he'd left home that morning. Her husband and daughter would find her body, she thought, and her daughter's last image of her would be her battered face.

"I looked at my watch and I couldn't see it," the survivor said. "My vision was blurred. I tried to stand up, but I was too weak.

"I ended up crawling through the sand."

She also crawled through poison ivy and had to be treated for that later, as well as for her broken nose and beaten face.

During the assault, she had tried to scratch her attacker; her vision cleared and she saw she had blood on her hands, which was her own blood. But she thought it was his.

Amid her trauma, she thought about preserving evidence.

"I crawled through the sand holding my hands up," she said, raising her hands. "I remember at several points passing out in the sand."

Crawl. Lose consciousness. Crawl.

"There is an hour of time I can't account for," she said.

Finally, she made it to the beach. A former lifeguard and his girlfriend saw her.

"They wrapped me up," she said.

"Can you walk?" one of them asked.

"I attempted to say I could, but my speech was garbled," she said. "It was as if I'd had a stroke and the words were clear in my head but they came out garbled."

She nodded that she thought she could walk, and the couple held her up as they went toward help.

Her frantic husband had already reported her missing. He'd called his father to take his daughter home and he'd started down the beach in search of his wife. Shocked, he saw the three of them walking - sort of walking - toward him.

"He picked me up and started running down the beach carrying me," she said. "He must have been horrified."

Her words had become untangled and, able to speak again, she told him, "I think I'm going to be sick."

He put her down in the tall dune grass.

She thought of Holden Caulfield in J.D. Salinger's "The Catcher in the Rye."

"There was the image of Holden Caulfield catching kids in the rye, just before they reached the cliff," she said.

Referring to her husband, she said, "He was my 'Catcher in the Rye.' "

***
Later, after she described her assailant, deputies showed her a group of photographs, which included Avery.

"I don't understand why they didn't show her photos of Mr. Allen," Geske said. "I've received information that police were watching him and knew he was watching women.

"If you look at the two photographs of Mr. Avery and Mr. Allen at that time, they look like brothers. I'm not surprised that she would say that (Avery) is the guy."

Allen is serving time for the kidnapping and sexual assault of another woman.

The survivor said that the Sheriff's Department treated her kindly and that she did not feel she was steered to identify Avery.

But her suffering was not limited to the attack - she received more than a half-dozen obscene telephone calls after her assault.

***
Geske released the letter the survivor mailed to Avery:

"There are no words sufficient to express how deeply sorry I am for what has happened. Your wrongful conviction has taken away 18 years of your freedom - something that can never be given back to you. I wish it was in my power to restore those years, but it is not. The only thing I can offer now is a sincere apology that I identified you as my assailant when you were not. I am also aware that after 18 years of imprisonment these words must sound inadequate in the face of your tremendous losses.

"Following my attack I realized I had only two choices: I could allow the assault to destroy me or I could choose to move on, become strong and try to make something good come from a terrible event. I tried to do the latter, though it has been a long journey, filled with both progress and setbacks. I experienced many emotions, from overwhelming gratitude that I had survived to anger and despair over what had happened to me and to my family. You are also a victim, facing the same choice and a similar journey. While you are overjoyed by your freedom and being reunited with your family and friends, it is likely that you also may experience great sadness and anger about your lost years. My hope for you is that your loved ones and the community will give you the support you need as you begin your new life.

"Since July 29, 1985, I have prayed that someday I could sit across the table from you and talk, as I had many questions about what happened on that day. Perhaps that prayer will be answered, and I suspect it is you who will have questions of me. If at some future time when it is appropriate, you would like to meet face to face with a facilitator and talk, I am willing to do so. (You may contact me through your attorney or mine.)

"My other prayer was that justice would be done in this case. That prayer was answered on Sept. 11, 2003, when you were reunited with your family. Ultimately, no one can give back the time you lost. My hope is that in the years ahead many good things will happen for you and your loved ones and that something positive will come from this incredible tragedy.

"When I testified in court, I honestly believed you were my assailant. I was wrong. I cannot ask for, nor do I deserve, your forgiveness. I can only say to you, in deepest humility, how profoundly sorry I am. May you be richly blessed, and may each day be a celebration of a new and better life."

When the survivor finished writing the letter, she said she kept hearing a verse from Simon and Garfunkel's "Homeward Bound":

"All my words come back to me, in shades of mediocrity."

***
The survivor has had two criminal shocks to her life.

"She also survived a traumatic personal assault when she was an adolescent," Geske said.

The former judge said the survivor is one of the most hopeful and courageous people she knows. Geske also works in prisons to help prisoners realize, and face, what they've done; she and the survivor met when they were part of the same program.

"She's been an absolute godsend," the survivor said of Geske. "I don't know what I would have done without her."

Recently, when Geske learned what the DNA tests revealed, she went to Manitowoc to tell the survivor.

"I want you to remember all the good things you've done," Geske said.

"I was devastated," the survivor said.

"You didn't investigate the case, you didn't present the case to the jury, you didn't defend the case, you were only a witness," Geske said.

Keith Findley, one of Avery's attorneys, was quoted in a news story as saying, "She's a victim in this case. It's not her fault."

But the survivor feels the tremendous responsibility that she urges prisoners to accept for what they've done.

"I felt my whole world had turned upside down," she said.

One of the first newspaper stories reported that there would be no prosecution of Allen because she didn't want it. She had merely said she didn't want to do it immediately. The time for prosecution may have lapsed, but she was angry that Avery, who'd spent nearly two decades in prison for something he didn't do, would read she didn't want to prosecute the man who'd committed the assault.

"I called the defense lawyer and said to please convey to Mr. Avery that I think Mr. Allen should be held fully accountable for what he did," she said.

Shortly after the announcement of the DNA results, she left the state to visit her son.

After the 1985 assault, she'd "felt like a boulder had rolled over me and pushed me off a cliff," she said. "I was injured and had a lot of support and friends and loved ones and I think of myself as a survivor, rather than a victim.

"Now, what I feel like - there's a tightness in my chest and I feel like I'm under the boulder again."

Before she went jogging near her son's residence, she asked if the trail was safe. She was told she had to look out only for bears.

With an ironic laugh, she said, "If a bear had come around a corner, I'd have said, 'What took you so long? I've been expecting you.' "

She said she had recommended to state Rep. Bob Ziegelbauer (D-Manitowoc) that Avery be compensated for his years in prison. She also told the legislator that she supported an investigation of the way matters were handled when Avery was charged.

One of her final statements during the interview seemed typical of her:

"I spent 18 years forgiving Mr. Avery, and now I need to begin a new journey to forgive Mr. Allen," she said.

wow, thanks eaglesfan what a journey for both of them. How very sad but also amazing that he holds no grudges against her. He must be a very understanding person especially after sitting in a cell for 18 years for something he didnt do! I also feel for her, imagine the guilt she carries. Hope they can both move on and fully embrace that life really is beautiful, even when it seems all is lost.
Thanks again
Stay safe
dreamer

__________________
"The power of the voice instead of the hand ~ the power of the voice makes him a man"

~Koori prison song~