My best friend has recently gone thru her 2nd divorce. She was divorced April 3 of this year. She since started wrinting to my PP's best friend's brother. He is incarcerated in CA. He comes out Aug 6th. She has only been writing him for 6 weeks, she has NEVER seen a pic of him so therefore she does not even know what he looks like. She says they have fallen in love and she wants him to transfer his parole here to Louisiana. The only way he can transfer here is if he is married. So, to make a long story short, once he is released, he will get a 30 day pass to visit here and while he is here, they will be getting married. But, they are NOT getting married in order to keep him here....they are getting married because they "claim" they are so in love. I think I have missed something along the way. I believe in true love and sometimes you just "know" when you have met that special someone but I can't help but think this is wayyyyyyyy too soon. I just don't want eithe of them to be "jumping" into something too soon. I know her PP and I don't want to see either of them get hurt. I just think it is too soon for her because I KNOW FOR A FACT she is NOT over her ex husband and just last week she was calling him, crying hysterically telling him she was still madly in love with him and begging him to "take her back" and give her one more chance....and now she is determined to marry her PP because she is totally in love with him. Can someone shed some light on this matter for me? I must admit I am extremely confused.....thanks, Pam

Pam, wow, a toughy. I am guessing your friend might be slightly "on the rebound" or trying desperately to fill a void in her heart right now due to the divorce.

I am not saying here that she does not love her PP genuinely and it sounds like she may but....she has never seen him?! I mean part of love is physical and what if once she does, she is not attracted to him in that way? That will be sad for both of them.

If I was you I would suggest taking it down a notch, first of all getting this man to send a current photo just so she has some idea how he looks and then take it from there. But also, maybe instead of rushing into marriage, just go on a couple dates or soemthing? Have a drink and dinner? Catch a movie before writing wedding vows perhaps. Just a idea on some friendly advice you could offer her. Hope I didnt offend you.

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"Thats it then, they will go on double, secret, probation..."

She probably doesn't even know what she wants, so how in all honesty could you really understand her needs?
I would just be a friend, and be there for her if she needs to talk etc. She may even work things out for herself way before the time of his release. I'm sure things will work out in the end, one way or another.

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If you are compassionate in your approach to all tasks in life, believing that all "problems" contain valuable lessons, you will find peace of mind.
~Dr. Lee Jampolsky

sounds as if she needs time to heal before she gets into a reationship she isnt ready for ,I'm sure she thinks she is in "love" but its probley the need to feel whole again.Divorce is just like death you go threw the same stages be a friend and listen but as her friend i'd try to talk her out of a big mistake .till she learns to love herself again and put back her scatterd peices it will in my humble opinion just wont work sounds like juming from the frying pan into the fire you simply can not be in love that quick you need to know everything about that person first tell her to give it time if its for real then it will be there later on only much stronger maybe the way to reasone with her is to tell her that this man is going to be going threw alote to be with her and she needs to really make sure it isnt need instead of love.sadly i bet no matter what you say she isnt going to listen.hope i could be of some help

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A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world.
~ Leo Buscaglia

be very patient with her and try to reasone with her calmly dont get heated when she goes on the defense ......

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A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world.
~ Leo Buscaglia

Slap some sense into the both of them. Just my opion..

Having been married and divorced I can add to the discussion with a modicum of experience. Frankly, what your friend is planning to do is "over the top". Being a cautious person by nature, I would never comtemplate doing such a thing.

John

Yikes ! Sounds like one big emotional train wreck.

But, on the other hand, these things don't usually lead to permanent disaster. What's the worst thing that might happen ? They get married and realize it was a mistake. Lots of people do that. >:-)

You wanted honest "opinions"
Love is a word used in the wrong way so many times ... when what it really is ... need... be it emotional,,financial or whatever,,,,

They both sound to me they have a need ,,, meaning her and her pp.
Which will always turn into a diaster waithin to happen.
They both may be in a panic,, she is not secure in being alone needs someone close to feel needed and important,,,he has his needs I'm sure,,, this in no way reflects either are not good people at all.

She needs time to find herself ,,,meaning time alone to find she is capable on her own and love herself first to beable to love again.
Just my honest opinion ..

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Mnnnn...mmm This girl is in heat or likes to spend her money on divorce lawyers!!