I have 4 PP's in total, all lovely guys and innocent friendship. I write to each with general 'chit chat' letters or 'my mundane witterings' as I prefer to call it Right from the start, I said to all of them, quite clearly, 'All I have to offer is friendship.' I didn't mince my words and all agreed this was totally fine.

Anyway, one guy in particular has written more often than the others, I really look forward to his letters and he seems a really nice guy. So today, I get two letters off of him *Yay!* The first one was fine, the second one, well, I feel a little disturbed.

He wrote "I have imagined lately possibly becoming a letter boyfriend with you, which would allow for a cute, harmless, lovey dovey, playful sex talk, which would be erotic, but all in the spirit of friendship."

Ok, I'm not THAT naive, I realise these guys are living like Monks and it can't be much fun for them, but at NO point did I EVER give the impression that there could ever be more between us than PP's. Heck, I wouldn't even talk like that with a long term partner, never mind a person I have never met!

I don't want it to affect out friendship, and he's so sensitive, but I don't know HOW to handle this. I thought I had covered all bases regarding what I had to offer, but some how not.

I went into this with eyes wide open, I even remember someone once commenting that "You quickly become the centre of their universe." Which I fully understand. But this is the one topic which I feel needs to be off limits with PP.

I don't want our friendship to end and I most certainly don't want to upset him in anyway, can any one offer some advice on the best way to handle this with least amount of hurt?

Thanks Guys!!!

Angel, I do not think you have been naive at all. So the first thing to do, is stop questioning yourself. You said yourself you'd been careful to cover all the bases. So what do you do now?

My advice would be to write him a letter, explaining that first, you aren't into all the kind of talk he's requesting of you even with a long time partner. Then you could say something to the effect that while you value his friendship and really look forward to his letters, you think it best to keep it on a friendly level.

You may want to say something about how those sorts of letters tend to lead in a direction you are not comfortable going, and it would probably ruin the wonderful friendship you have. Let him know that you're not willing to lose the good things you have together as friends.

I feel that MOST people would appreciate the honest approach, and would not stop writing because you refused this request. If he does, then he is not the friend you perceive him to be anyway.

We as women expect to be treated with respect here in the 'free world'....writing to an inmate is not any different. If he is your friend, he will respect your feelings on this.

Good luck and let us know how it works out!

__________________
When a friend makes a mistake, a TRUE friend doesn't rub it IN. Instead, like an eraser, he rubs it OUT!

I completly agree with what Broken one just said.

From reading your post angel, it looks like he asked in a delicate way, he didn't just come straight out with it and he even put it in a seperate letter. Maybe he was trying to disassociate it from your normal relationship.

You aren't being naive at all. You seem to have tried to cover all the bases and although you never gave the impression that your relationship could go that way, you have to remember that these guys only get limited interaction with females - maybe some wardens or family members who visit them. So maybe when one like you becomes a friend, they feel that maybe they could have a chance at having that little bit more.

It seems like he approached the subject in a way that would least offend you - i mean hey he could have just gone right in there with the graphic details, think how you would have reacted to that!

I'd suggest writing back with the same attitude - approaching the subject in a way that is least going to offend him, and just being honest, and explaining that you wouldn't be comfortable with it, and if he is the friend that you thought he was then he will understand and he will be ok with it.
Remember to go easy though, obviously you dont want to make him feel like a pervert for asking, or that your friendship will be any different after this "glitch"

Reassure him that you still want to be his friend and that you enjoy his letters. Maybe express to him that it's nothing personal against him, that you wouldn't do it with anyone.

I hope that it works out for you

:-)
Kitty x

Thank you both so much! I hope you don't mind, but I stole a little advice from both of your posts while writing him a letter to explain my feelings to him. I have responded in a very gentle way, but explaining that I didn't wish to correspond with him in that way, and how much I enjoyed our letters which exchanged news and views and I told him how much I value our friendship. I did quote him from where he said "Look at it like one friend helping out another." I explained "Even friends that live local to me, I wouldn't consider helping them out in that way." I did go on to say how much I look forward to receiving his next letter and that I hoped that our friendship would continue and mature over time Hope it all goes down ok! Thanks guys! You were an enourmous help!

Hugs!

Hi Angel,



I think you reacted very wise, i experienced the same thing several times. Currently I a writing to 20 pals, all male. Most of these guys are very honest and don't ask anything about my private life, but sometimes you feel that they want more, it is not always very easy to avoid their more personal feelings. Depending on who it is, i have builded up a kind of fence, like till here can you go a no further. Most of my pp's are longtime friends, and then hey you accept a bit more then the usuall, but that is a personal opinion.

You should draw the line where they can go and where not.


Hugs,



Micky

Hi angel,

I am agree with micky, i have several penpals too, one tried in a letter to change our friendship on a relationship with sexual context. I imediately said him that was not my goal and that i was only interrest to a frienship and if he will try again, i definitely stop to write him. He said ok ! he was apologize. This is not because we want to write inmates that it mean that we want a boyfriend !