Hey everyone, I know Ive read all about how relationships with our pen pals normally don't work out in the end. I always hear the negitive and never the positive. Personally I don't believe that they all won't work, I think it depends on the situation, the people, and their love for each other. Yes prob most don't work out but I know there are some that do. Anyone know of any that have worked out? And I also want to hear from the sides that didn't work out. What made the road get rocky? Thanks everyone.

i cant give you advice on this one, but I know some one here will

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I need coffee

Honesty is the hardest point. My pp is still a con artist of sorts, we met by letter in Feb 1987, and met in person in March 1988. We have been together for 20 years. I still write pp's looking for friends, and due to listening to people on the site, have expanded the base of my looking. People have different expectations, different views of what a relationship is. Thanks to single & couple therapy we love each other no matter what occurs.

Kimberley, these relationships can work, though rare(as Im sure you have heard over and over and over again) and when they do work, people will STILL think "oh my, something must be wrong if its working" so u cant really win(hehe) I started out as pals with my now hubby. I tell you, when we met, and from our first letter, it was like I found my long lost buddy! I know it sounds wierd, but its the best way I can explain it. we felt the same, behaved the same, same mannerisms,same warped sense of humor... and would even say the same things, at the same time. Now I dont want to glamourize things.. and Im sure its what people will think when I tell how we met, and all. But its what happened, and our feelings. I found my husband in a most unusual way, and besides a few minor incidents where people try to start nonesense,it's been amazing each and every day with him. he has taught me so much, about me, about him, and about life---he has also given me life(several times now) there is not a man out there like him, in any way, made just for me. Odds are against prison marriages/relationships but the truth is, it is with any relationship now adays/ If you are relistic in your expectations, fully trust your other half(pal) can feel what he feels, and see that he puts u first above all else, its smooth sailing(wink) it can work...

To larrys baby girl:

I completely agree with you and I can say that my boyfriend and I have this really good connection as well. Personally, I believe we'll make it. We're soo much alike, it's like I've known him for years sometimes. I do love him so much and I think we could make it work. I guess you just have to try really hard to make it work, not because of trusting issues, but because so many people on the outside will come up with dumb ways to make you think your doing something wrong. That it's stupid to be with a criminal, but in reality, they've never been in that situation so they cant say they know what it's really like. And I cant understand how it's any different from the men on the outside. Look at that whole case with the Pregnant marine that was killed in north carolina. The guy had a completely clean record and was in the marines. It just goes to show you that you should never judge a book by it's cover.

Hi Kimberly,

Yes, one can marry the so called" all American man as did Lacy Peterson.
The marriage appreared, so called normal" on the outside and so did life til he took her life and the child she was pregnant with.

Maybe one is not married to a killer but, any inmate has a troubled past before being incarcerated period.
Now even if all seems great in letters, visits and phone, all may seem so called normal too. It is a short period of time in their lives. Now add to that if incarcerated a long time say 10 yrs or more, even the most stable and normal inmate determined to not stay in the prison mentality or criminal phase, or the effects they all acquire the institutionalized mentality.

Now he walks out the door in the real world and things have changed so much outside not the enviorment they have been accustomed to, how things are dealt with. Place this person now into a marriage. There is no way this is a marriage as any other. Not for a long time and a lot of work on the inmates part, and the ones living with them.

This is not a negative post, things can work depending on many factors, and much time. The ex offender needs many things to pull thru, society also will put up blocks to the serious needs, let alone worry about what the average joe blow thinks, is a pimple on one's behind, of the whole picture of it all.

I do not think anyone stated all" won't work,nor that always negatives are being stated. Sometimes the reality is not wanted and that is considered negative. Anything one does or choices in life has negative and positives, one needs to weigh them out to see how the scale leans.

No it is not stupid to be married to an ex offender, best is not to look at a marriage to an ex offender as positive, it is not" how could it be??? Be honest, face the negatives head on, know yourselfs well, take each neg and work to turn it to a positive.

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Well yes I just take my PP letters day by day.
My PP should have a little control.
Not to say who is boss.
They have to let it go once in awhile.

I know i am not married to an "ex offender" but i don't view it as a negative as you have said here. Just because the relationship has more challenges than most, in my book does not mean it equates to a negative. You say how could it be a positive?......My honest thoughts...... Why shouldn't it be viewed as a positive? We all have "baggage" in one way or another. Some just more than others. Sometimes you don't need bars to be caged, many people live in their own prisons.

I honestly believe SOME that have served 10 years or more have an awareness that some never achieve, understand or know in life. They can bring many positives into a relationship, i think many spend their time inside learning and working on self and understand what life and freedom truly mean, so in my books they already have a heads up compared to most.

I know what you are saying and meaning peanut, and i know you have experience in this area and therefore have knowledge. I just have an opinion based on my perception of my life experiences and choices i have made.

Even the most beautiful of flowers, the rose has thorns. We don't disregard the beauty of the rose because of the thorns.

Bottom line is.......... I know what the stats say, what opinions people hold, but i also know for every thing that exists there is always the opposite.

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The last of all freedoms is the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances.
G. W. Allport.

I agree 100% with peanut and larrys baby gurl, it can work i think peanuts and her husband is the best example of that if you havent read her blogs you should. I think she is so real and should be commended for sharing her story with us she show the good the bad and the uglier. No the road wont be easy but hey if you wasnt with someone who is locked up you would still be dealing with haters and relationship issues. Another thing inmates are people who made the wrong choice and we all do that in our lives. My guy is the sweetest thing in the world we have the same views on almost everything I tell him all the time that we share the same brain. I met his whole family and its alot of them lol. yea he messed up he but he is trying to change and we are working on that together. I truly think it can work he is man and like all men you have to train them right lol im just kidding.

I agree with what some of you are saying about having a successful relationship with somebody in prison. I have seen relationships work out once a prisoner is released from prison. As a matter of fact, this June I'm going to be going to a wedding of a young lady who I met almost right after I began visiting my pp on the other side of the state. Her guy was in the same prison as my pp, but he's been out for a few months now and have decided to go ahead and get married this June. These relationships can and will work out as long as you both work at the relationship, both are completely honest with each other. It's the same way with relationships in the "free world" also. I've heard the same thing of prison relationships don't work out at all. But I'm a strong believer in being a positive thinker and not allowing these negative thoughts to enter into my mind.

We all make mistakes in life of some kind and wish we could undo what we did wrong. We all need somebody to be there for us, to stand beside us through thick and thin. As a matter of fact, my pp and I were talking about this the other day on how it makes him feel so much better having somebody outside of his family standing beside him during all of this. I wouldn't trade my relationship with my pp for all the Tea in China. It is something special.